Sunday, December 30, 2018 year, new me?

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back to my first blog (Diana's Original Blog) and read my January 1, 2009 post, ten years ago. It's cringeworthy, and so freaking boring. My goals were eat right, exercise, seek counseling for my compulsive overeating, and of course, lose weight. There's something in there about working on my marriage, but we all know how that went! That actually made me laugh out loud (I was so funny!). 

But this post caught my eye.Please excuse my potty mouth. I really try to keep it clean, most of the time. I was extremely frustrated when I wrote this.

Posted January 8, 2009:
This has been the forefront thought in my brain lately, don't fucking screw this up again! I'm talking about my weight. I'm talking about every time in the last ten years as I reach 160 pounds, 25 pounds from my goal of 135, I screw it up. Every single time.
Taken from this post:

I could write that same post again. I was 165 the beginning of December 2018, and today I'm 175. Ten pounds in a month. No excuses, just the same old pattern that I have chosen several times in my life.

The good thing is that I didn't return to my January 2017 weight of 218 pounds, or even worse, my 2008 weight of 238. However, January 2018 I was 167. I bounced between 160 and 170 during 2018 (I was 158 for a brief moment). This month I made several bad choices and managed to get up to 175 as of yesterday, and I lost a $100 DietBet, after winning three in a row. That was very humiliating.

It's a new year in a couple days, and new beginnings. I love the start of a new year. It's so fresh, and I'm always filled with high hopes for what the new year will bring. 2019 is no different. There won't be a new me, I'm still the same. But the old me is always hopeful for the future, and that's the part of myself I love. That in spite of past failures, I know success is still within my reach. So bring it on 2019, this will be my year! 

P.S. Part of my new year plan is to update this blog in 2019. I know blogs are a thing of the past, but they're so fun, and an interesting documentation of a person's life  (albeit somewhat embarrassing at times). I checked on several of my old, favorite bloggers, and most of their blogs have been abandoned. I know there are a lot of people on youtube talking about weight loss/exercise, but I can't find any of the old blog people I used to follow. I miss them. If you read this and still blog, please leave a note in the comments. Or if you have a youtube channel, please let me know. I'm considering a youtube channel when I retire in 2020. There aren't enough old people on there, everyone is 20-something! 

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Marathon update

On September 15, 2018 I completed a full marathon, 26.2 miles! I did it, and I'm 63 years old. It was the Fairbanks Equinox Marathon in Fairbanks, Alaska. It's rated as one of the most difficult marathons in the United States, #2 on several lists. A net elevation gain of 3,300 feet. It was hard and amazing at the same time. I love the people in Alaska (where I spent the first 30 years of my life).

My boyfriend and I completed it in 7 hours and 44 minutes (don't laugh...he's 60 and I'm 63). We ran a little, jogged a lot, walked a lot more and there might have been some dragging of feet at one point. They allowed ten hours to complete it, and there were about a 100 people behind us (566 registered participants). I attempted this same marathon when I was 16 years old without any training. I made it the first ten miles (all uphill) and quit. I'm so proud that I completed it at 63 what I couldn't do at 16. It really is all in your head what you can and can't do. Wisdom comes with age.

Charles and me at the finish line, holding our Equinox Marathon patches. We were both super happy we came in under 8 hours. Our goal was to come in under 10 hours. 

Charles going down the Chute - the picture doesn't do it justice. Super steep downhill and rocky. He got two black toenails. This was in July when we did our trial run.

Testing out the five mile loop we missed in July. This was the day before the marathon.

 More of the 5-mile loop, two days before the marathon. It's so beautiful in Alaska. I miss it so much! 

More scenery on the 5-mile loop, which starts at mile 17. We drove to mile 17 two day before the marathon do do a few miles on the loop we missed during the trial run in July.

Me two days before the marathon. I really didn't do 13 miles that day, but we stopped by the sign. I did do 20 miles in our July trial run. See picture below. LOL!

 From our trial run in July, we really did do 20 miles that day. Then we quit and called a cab. I thought I was going to die, and we almost canceled doing the actual marathon in September. I was wiped out in this picture, as you can tell. Also, we ran out of water at mile 17 during our trial run. Which was really miserable

Another beautiful scenery picture on the trail in September. Oh how I love you Alaska!

Part of the road we had to hike up. It's a three-mile hill. This was a couple days before the marathon when we drove up. It doesn't look that steep, but trying to go up it after about 13 miles of through the woods, on rocky trails with tree roots that was all uphill, this was a killer!

I plan on posting a more in the near future. At least once a week, and the weekends. I have a lot to say, but not a lot of time. I forgot how fun it is to write, even if no one is reading it.

Note: a fun read about "walking" a marathon -- 5 reasons to commit to and walk a marathon by Carla Birndberg (formerly Miz Fit).

Friday, April 20, 2018

It's a never ending journey (162.4)

After decades of battling my weight, I've finally come to peace with the fact that this journey to maintain good health never ends. I always thought if I'd lose the weight, get to goal, then I'd be on easy street. That's never worked before, and I've finally accepted that it doesn't work that way. 

People always say that losing weight is just half the battle. Maintaining the weight loss is the other half of the battle. For me, maintenance is the hardest part and the biggest part. I struggle every day, and in spite of what people may tell you, it never gets easy. At least, it's not easy not for me. It's an uphill battle every single day of my life.

Looking back at my old Weight Watcher weight records, here's my past ten years:

2/12/2008 - 238.0 pounds 
Started Weight Watchers again, and making an honest attempt to lose weight. I remember I felt miserable. I had plantar fasciitis, I had chest pains when I walked, even walking slowly. I was completely miserable.

3/1/2009 - 154.4 pounds
Not at goal because I had set a goal of 135. I don't think I was at this weight more than a few days before  I started the slide back to gaining weight.

2/23/2015 - 233.4 pounds
A restart of Weight Watchers for the at least the 10th time since 2008, I just don't have all the weight records from those years. Although I know each time resulted in a weight loss and a subsequent weight gain..

2/13/2015 - 205.8 pounds
And then I stopped Weight Watchers again, for almost two years.

1/8/2917 - 218.4 pounds
Another restart

4/15/2018 - 162.4 pounds

Net loss since 2008, ten years, is -75.6 pounds

The difference this time is that I've been between 161 and 167 pounds since November 5, 2017. I've been in an "accidental" maintenance mode for almost six months. That's not necessarily a thing to brag about, but it's also not a bad thing. In fact, it's better than anything I've done in the past ten years when it comes to weight loss. 

The past is the past. I can't undo the mental and physical damage I've done to myself after years of big weight losses and weight gains. I think I've learned something over the years. Mainly that I can't do something to lose weight that I'm not willing to do the rest of my life if I want to maintain my weight loss.

I can't eat a 100% clean diet 100% of the time. Ideally, I'd cut out all processed foods. Realistically, I can cut out a lot of processed foods, but not ALL processed foods. I like some processed foods, and they make me happy. If I'm going to be real about this, I will eat them. Maybe some Halo Top or Enlightened high protein ice cream. Or some seaweed chips, and a slice of healthy bread. Or maybe a slice or two of real sharp cheddar cheese or homemade pizza with turkey pepperoni. 

I could provide a long list of things I eat that some people would tell me that they're unhealthy foods. Perhaps they'd be correct. I don't eat these things every day, but I do eat them occasionally. Like I said, they make me happy. Being happy about my food is a key component for me to maintain my weight loss.

As far as exercise, whatever I'm doing now I will have to maintain the rest of my life. If I don't, I will have to eat fewer calories. I'm not really willing to do that at this point. Right now my average calorie intake is between 1800 and 2000. According to my Apple watch, I'm burning about 300-400 calories a day between exercising and walking. I'm not 100% convinced my Apple Watch is accurate. I think it exaggerates my calorie burn. Regardless, I eat a lot of food every day, which is probably why I'm in a maintenance mode.

I still want to lose another 8 pounds. My goal this time around is 154, which will give me a healthy BMI of 24.9 (I'm 5' 6"). I'll get there, but I'm not in any big rush (although I'd love to stop paying Weight Watchers $44.95 a month). 

That's my update. Nothing earth shattering. Just my experience with weight loss and what seems to be working for me. However, I still know I could regain the 75 pounds in a heartbeat. I've here before and know the dangers of losing a large amount of weight and regaining it. 

I truly doubt anyone reads this, because blogs seem to be a thing of the past. However, I want to keep some kind of record of how I'm doing. I read some of my old posts from 2008/2009. They are truly cringe worthy. It made me a little sad, because I was so happy at one point and then so sad because I gained all my weight back. My emotions are tightly coupled with my weight at that time. Here's a post from one of my happy times (and I'm currently five pounds above the weight in the video). By the way, this is from my very old blog started over 10 years ago in 2008. 


Monday, November 27, 2017

Post Thanksgiving 2017 Update

I've noticed I've been writing posts, usually at least once a week, and never publishing them. I'll write a post, re-read it, and think to myself, what a bunch of worthless drivel. Then I never publish it, and my words sit in limbo. From my head to the keyboard, to live forever as a Blogspot draft. A waste of time? Perhaps. Or maybe a written diary that no one but me will ever read. I never delete them and sometimes I'm shocked and surprised by my own words. Maybe someday I'll publish them, but probably not.

We had a very understated Thanksgiving. Due to the fact that leading up to Thanksgiving week, during the first two weeks of November, I gained 5 pounds. I skipped a Weight Watcher meeting Nov. 12, but forced myself to go and weigh in the following Sunday, Nov. 19. I was up 5 pounds.

The reason for the gain is simple, I overate. I resorted to some old binge eating behavior that I hadn't done for almost a year. I stopped at the grocery store three times in one week, and purchased a large amount of candy, chips and other junk food. I ate it in my car on my 30-minute commute home. All the while listening to weight loss podcasts (I know how crazy this sounds). I always binge in secret, but I honestly thought I was over my binge problem. Obviously, this is still a problem for me, my Achilles heel that will probably be with me for the rest of my life.

I've been back on track since last Tuesday, Nov. 21. My last secret binge was about the same time in 2016, in November, before, during and after Thanksgiving. I remember it well, because I got up to 230 pounds and went on a diet of my own, then Jenny Craig for about two hours (that's an old post you can read about here), and then joined Weight Watchers in January 2017.

I weighed in yesterday at my Weight Watcher meeting, and lost .8 pounds, so I'm at 166. Still 4.2 higher than my low of 161.8 on Nov. 5. I feel fairly confident that I'll stay on track, but you never know with me. I change on a whim how I feel, one minute I'm super strict with myself, eat right, exercise. Then suddenly, I just don't care anymore. It's been a year since I had that feeling, but I sure had it a couple weeks ago.

I asked my boyfriend since it was just us this year, if we could do a simple, non-traditional Thanksgiving dinner. He agreed, since he's gained a few pounds too. He's 6 foot and usually sits at 160 (yes, he's usually very thin, but very muscular too). He was up to 170 and upset by his gain. So he's on a "diet".

We decided a simple dinner of grilled wild-caught sockeye salmon, asparagus, and cranberry sauce made with a little honey and some Stevia (we're both off of processed sugar--although I know honey is really just sugar). Because he loves cranberry sauce, I figure it was a small thing to do to please him. Dessert was homemade angel food cake (with real sugar) with plain, fresh strawberries.

The dinner was really good, but I overate the angel food cake (which has a LOT of calories). My boyfriend cooked the salmon and asparagus. He's an amazing cook and both came out perfect. The salmon with a little cranberry sauce was unusual, but surprisingly delicious. It wasn't nearly as sweet as regular cranberry sauce, but we both really liked it and would make it again. Here's the recipe if you're interested. It doesn't have a calorie or Points count, and I didn't put it into any of my recipe builder apps.

I leave you with a couple of my favorite things, sort of Oprah style. 😀

I love Good Earth Sweet & Spicy tea! It's naturally sweet, and doesn't need anything added to it. Sometimes I add a little non-fat half & half for a delicious, healthy treat. They also make a caffeine-free and a chamomile version.

The Missy cat that rules the house. I love this girl, she's my baby. We're sitting by the fire and she's sound asleep. That's my undecorated tree in the background. I actually considered not decorating it at all, and calling it a minimalist tree. I'm really not into decorating this year. I'm trying to live a minimalist life, and I've always hated clutter. We'll probably decorate it, although I think it looks just fine without anything on it.

This is Missy Christmas 2016, a better look at her beautiful face (and her annoyed expression is because I crawled under the tree and woke her up to take her picture).

Saturday, October 21, 2017

Update October 2017

I've decided instead of my usual long, drawn-out posted, to just post something quick. Fast and easy to read, not a ton of detail. Maybe that way I can write a little something more often.

Things are going great. Last weekend I was down to my lowest weight since 2009 when I got to 152 and quit. I'm 163.6. That is 8.6 pounds from the Weight Watcher goal of 155. I'd like to weigh less, but have decided 155 would probably be a good choice for me. Not skinny, but healthy. Plus I think I can pretty easily maintain that weight versus the 135 that's been my elusive goal for as long as I can remember. Hence my bog name of diana135.

What's working for me:

1. MyFitnessPal - love this app for tracking my food. Even though I go to Weight Watchers, I don't use their app. I eat calories not SmartPoints. That way I get more food. MORE is better!

2. Motifit ,now called AppFit - best exercise app ever! Great music and you have a coach guiding you along. Huge incentive and fun.

3. Working towards my 2017 marathon - the Fairbanks, Alaska Equinox Marathon. I'm doing it!

4. Gracie's Journey on youtube - love this girl! Check her out. She went from 240 to 135. No surgery just diet and exercise. She's really inspirational.

What's not working:

1. Not getting to the gym except once during the week and once on the weekend. Not cool.

2. Not walking at lunch every day because it's pouring down rain. Super not cool.

3. The rain. Dear God, please make it stop! Rain and the darkness in the Pacific Northwest sucks! #Icantwaitforsummer!

Goals this week:

Increase my exercise. Gym. Home treadmill. Walk in the rain.

Easy peasy, right?

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Fighting the good fight

Denali - the great one (aka Mt. McKinley)

I grew up in Alaska, and have seen this beautiful mountain many times. It's one of the ultimate challenges for mountain climbers, and many have lost their life in their attempt to conquer this magnificent mountain.

What does this have to do with weight loss? Sometimes my struggle feels like an uphill battle, on the steepest slope I can imagine. It feels like the hardest thing I've ever done or ever will do. I know intellectually that's a false statement, but in my heart, I believe it's true. This fight to lose weight, or at least maintain my current weight, is difficult. The constant battle to maintain some semblance of control over what I eat continues to be a battle.

I skipped my Weight Watchers' meetings for four weeks. I found an excuse every Sunday morning to stay home. I was tired, I felt bloated or my best friend wasn't going (she hasn't gone for four months so that was a really lame excuse). The real reason of course was that I'd gained weight. Eight pounds to be exact. I got my 50-pound lost charm and then immediately went into an eating frenzy, because frankly my dear, I didn't give a damn! I was hungry!

My weight is a constant battle. I really wish I had the answers on how to make this work. Everything I read about people that have lost weight is that they will have to fight this battle forever. Something about our bodies fight us tooth and nail to get back to our high weight. I'm in that battle right now. It's hard.

That's about all I can say. I wish this was a rainbow and kittens post, and everything nice. It's not. It's a "life is hard" post. But as so many of us that struggle with our weight have heard before, we pick our hard. Being morbidly obese is hard. I know, because I was 240 pounds. I know that was actually much harder than being 167 pounds and fighting to at least stay that weight. I guess I'll just continue the good fight. What other choice do I have?

Sunday, August 27, 2017

The slippery slope of weight gain

Me during the month of August 2017

I hit 165 pounds on my 62nd birthday, August 7. Then the party started and all my good intentions went out the window. I could feel myself slipping down that old, slippery slope of binging and gaining weight.

It started with a maple bacon doughnut on my birthday, which by the way was a huge disappointment. Then a day of kayaking which burned zero calories according to my Apple watch. Apparently moving my arms doesn't actually count as active calories (even though I swore my arms were going to fall off!).

This was followed by a work trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico with a team member that is skinny and loves food. She is able to eat anything and not gain an ounce (I kind of hate this about her). The food, plus the shots of tequila led to a five-pound gain in four days. I'm not a drinker, and couldn't even tell you the last time I had an alcoholic drink before this trip.

In addition to all the food and alcohol, my exercise was severely lacking too. Gym and daily walks just sort of slid off  my radar.

This all resulted in an eight-pound gain, with a 173 pound weigh-in after my return from Mexico. I wish I could say, oh well, things happen. But this hit me hard, that I could slide so far, so fast. Basically, I'm not "cured" and most likely, never will be.

I've resolved to get back in the game. I've lost five of the eight pounds, 168.2 this morning (I've been back from Mexico one week today). I think that first five pounds was water weight from salt and the after effects of too much alcohol, plus the long travel time sitting on an airplane from Seattle to Puerto Vallarta, and the return. The last three pounds to get back to 165 is probably going to be hard work to lose, but I'm determine to get to my 150 pound goal before the end of the year.

Fortunately, no more birthday celebrations or work trips for a while. My goal is to meet my minimums, calorie deficit, exercise goals, and let go of the past four weeks. It was fun but filled with regret. Fitting into skinnier clothes, feeling  healthy, and being proud of my choices, makes my life so much better!

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back...