Monday, February 17, 2020

Day 2! I made it through one whole day!

Yesterday was a good day. I was determined to get through it with getting in some exercise (6-mile hike in the hills in the woods) and not eating everything in sight. I ate 1,557 calories, with 1,205 active calories burned, so I was definitely in a calorie deficit. Although I don't know if I really trust Apple's active calories burned estimate. I certainly don't take it as the absolute truth. Regardless, not bad for my first day of actually putting in the effort to do what I need to do.

This morning I was down one pound, from 190 to 189. Even if I could stay at 189 for a week, and not go up again, I'd be somewhat happy. Not exactly thrilled, but happy I'm not inching my way to 200 pounds again.

Today's plan, to continue with putting in some real effort. My daily maximum calorie allowance is 1,700. Although I allow myself the option to eat some of my active calories if I feel like it. I'm working hard to be kinder to myself and not so strict (which translates to stop beating myself up about eating food).

Today's plan:
1. Take my measurements and post here. This sort of horrifies me but it needs to be done.
2. Pick up my grocery order of healthy food.
3. Return my mini trampoline (rebounder). It sounded like a good idea, but I hated it.
4. Get some exercise. Maybe an outdoor walk, although it's only 33 degrees, but it's sunny. Maybe the gym which is just down the street from my house.

Truthfully, I'd love to just not leave my recliner today, and sit next to the fireplace all day. However, that's not an option. I must move. I must eat healthy. I must live.

~I'm strong, I'm powerful, I can do this!

Sunday, February 16, 2020

Day 1 of really trying to lose weight

I haven't posted in months, mainly because I had nothing good to talk about. I mean, what can you say about gaining weight other than it's just really depressing? However, after reading Runs For Cookies most recent post, I feel compelled to say something.

Most of my recent posts have had the same theme, "this is hard" or "the struggle is real", "still trying", et cetera. Post after post talking about how I can't seem to get myself in the mood to lose weight. I don't have the motivation, or more important, I don't have the determination. I've been in the same state for months, just as Katie talked about in her recent Runs for Cookies post.

I still don't have the answers or the solution, but I may have a touch of determination. At least for today. For one day, I'm trying to give it my best shot. For just today, I've tracked every bite of food in My Fitness Pal. Just for today, I hiked six miles in the woods with my boyfriend. It was and still is a good day.

A little off-topic here, but my boyfriend is really my fiance, but that's a weird word, and always reminds me of this Seinfeld episode, which cracks me up every time. So I'll keep calling him my boyfriend until after the wedding, then he'll be my husband (which much less pretentious sounding).

Maybe, if I can make it through one whole day of really trying, maybe tomorrow I can make it through day two. At least, that's what I'm trying to do. One day at a time as they say.

You would think my wedding on April 18, 2020 would make me determined. Or my 10-day Paris honeymoon in May. Nope, it doesn't seem to faze me whatsoever. It's like the more I think about these two big events, the more my mind runs in the opposite direction towards eating everything in sight. It's been very strange that I can't seem to get my eating under control. I've done it before, yet it seems harder this time. Or maybe this is just my mind playing games with me. Is it really harder or is my mind just telling me it's harder so I have an excuse to be lazy?

I'm not saying it's not hard. I'm saying it's not impossible. Life in general is kind of hard. Getting up and going to work every morning. Being challenged every single day at work. Just a reminder, I'm 64 years old working with a group of twenty and thirty year olds in software development. Maybe you can relate, or maybe not. Let's just say it's a fast-paced world I live in, and it's not easy. But also, it's not impossible. Just like controlling my eating. Hard, but not impossible.

As a new source of encouragement, I have a new favorite podcast, "We Only Look Thin". I love this couple. They're so inspirational and funny as heck. I've been listening to them every day for the past two weeks, and I credit them with helping me get back on track.

I didn't mention my weight yet. I bet you thought I'd ignore it. Believe me, I wish I could ignore the fact that I'm a full 25 pounds heavier than my marathon weight in 2018. I was 165 for the marathon (and that was 10 pounds too heavy). Today I'm 190. Ouch! It sort of hurts to type that number. That's really close to 200, and I honestly in my heart thought I'd never see that number again. 

Last parting thought, how many of you want Michelle Obama's arms? I've been wanting her arms since the first time I saw them. I'm on a mission to get arms that at least look similar. Here's her workout:

Until next time, au revoir!

Saturday, July 6, 2019

The struggle is real

I'm still struggling with my eating, but I have improved a little bit since my last post. The night of the 4th was awful. I was basically up most of the night because my neighbors think blowing up things and making a lot of loud noise is a fun experience. I really don't understand why there's even a law here that says fireworks are illegal, since everyone just ignores it. I was up comforting my poor little 17-year old kitty, Missy. She was traumatized by it all. Anyway, I used that as an excuse to eat most of the night (until 1am). Nothing horrible, unless you call rice crackers, avocado, a few almonds and a couple bananas horrible, but it was a needless intake of calories. 

My exercise since my Wednesday has been spot on. Now if I could just do the same with my eating. New day, new plan. It's simple really, today I'll track all my food today and stop eating at 1600 calories. Although I might adjust my calorie limit depending how our 10-mile hike goes today. Marathon training isn't easy at 180 pounds. It was so much easier at 160. That alone should be incentive to get my act together with my eating, but so far it's not really working.

I plan on taking a few pictures on our hike today and posting them here tomorrow. I love our trail at Dash Point State Park. It's three miles from our house so it's very convenient. It's 400 acres and has 17 miles of dirt trails. It's also right on the Puget Sound, and it's absolutely beautiful. 

One thing that has really helped me this week is the Phit-N-Phat podcast. I love it! I use to listen to Corrine all the time, but somehow got side-tracked with crime podcasts (addicted is more like it!). Corrine is hysterical and has a lot of insight and personal experience with weight gain and weight loss. I found her again when I was reading the Confessions of an Addict blog that I really enjoy, and she mentioned how she enjoys the Phit-N-Phat blog. The most recent podcast really hit home with me and was a tremendous help this week:

Well, I guess I'd better stop talking about hiking, and actually go do it. Even though sitting in my recliner with cat at my side and my boyfriend napping on the couch sounds like so much more fun, it's not the healthiest pastime (mentally yes, physically no). LOL!

One last note, I walked in the Seattle Pride Parade last Sunday with my niece. It was so much fun. Here's our team picture, she's on the far right with the pink and blue flag around her shoulders (3rd row back), and I'm the blonde to her right with the white framed sunglasses and white tank top. She's 17 and such an incredibly sweet, smart young woman. I love her to pieces. 

Seattle Pride 2019 

Thursday, July 4, 2019

Fighting the good fight

It's been six months after my last post, and I'm still struggling with my weight. I've accepted that this is a lifelong battle, but one I'm determined to win.

According to my Happy Scale app (now an unhappy scale), my weight back on December 30, 2019 was 166.2. Today, I'm 183.2. A net gain of 17 pounds in 6 months (but there's still a loss since December 2015, of -46 pounds).

I'm trying to regain control of my eating and amp up my exercise. Although I know, as does anyone that's fought the weight loss battle, what you eat is of the utmost importance. I know this first hand because during my 17-pound weight gain in the last six months, I continued going to the gym and walking at lunch, averaging at least an hour or more of exercise a day and usually 15,000+ steps a day. 

Unfortunately, during this time I was eating too much, and especially too much of the wrong foods Too many sugary treats and processed foods, and too much of the healthy stuff too. I've been on an eating frenzy. I also quit Weight Watchers six months ago. Even though I haven't followed the plan for the last couple years, there's something about the accountability of weighing in with someone other than yourself, every week.

Today is a new day, and a new start. Part of my new start is this blog. My plan is to check in every day and update it with my progress, or lack of progress. I just really need some accountability in my life. 

I'm also in training for my September 21 marathon in Fairbanks, Alaska. I completed it last year at 63, and I'll be 64 this time. Today's training schedule is an easy 5-mile run (I actually jog/walk). It's especially difficult to do these runs at my current weight, which is even more incentive to lose it. 

See you tomorrow!

Update: I walked/jogged 6.5 miles on a dirt/rock trail today. It took me one hour and 45 minutes, which means I have a lot of work to do before my September 21 marathon! Average pace was 16:03 mile.

Sunday, December 30, 2018 year, new me?

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back to my first blog (Diana's Original Blog) and read my January 1, 2009 post, ten years ago. It's cringeworthy, and so freaking boring. My goals were eat right, exercise, seek counseling for my compulsive overeating, and of course, lose weight. There's something in there about working on my marriage, but we all know how that went! That actually made me laugh out loud (I was so funny!). 

But this post caught my eye.Please excuse my potty mouth. I really try to keep it clean, most of the time. I was extremely frustrated when I wrote this.

Posted January 8, 2009:
This has been the forefront thought in my brain lately, don't fucking screw this up again! I'm talking about my weight. I'm talking about every time in the last ten years as I reach 160 pounds, 25 pounds from my goal of 135, I screw it up. Every single time.
Taken from this post:

I could write that same post again. I was 165 the beginning of December 2018, and today I'm 175. Ten pounds in a month. No excuses, just the same old pattern that I have chosen several times in my life.

The good thing is that I didn't return to my January 2017 weight of 218 pounds, or even worse, my 2008 weight of 238. However, January 2018 I was 167. I bounced between 160 and 170 during 2018 (I was 158 for a brief moment). This month I made several bad choices and managed to get up to 175 as of yesterday, and I lost a $100 DietBet, after winning three in a row. That was very humiliating.

It's a new year in a couple days, and new beginnings. I love the start of a new year. It's so fresh, and I'm always filled with high hopes for what the new year will bring. 2019 is no different. There won't be a new me, I'm still the same. But the old me is always hopeful for the future, and that's the part of myself I love. That in spite of past failures, I know success is still within my reach. So bring it on 2019, this will be my year! 

P.S. Part of my new year plan is to update this blog in 2019. I know blogs are a thing of the past, but they're so fun, and an interesting documentation of a person's life  (albeit somewhat embarrassing at times). I checked on several of my old, favorite bloggers, and most of their blogs have been abandoned. I know there are a lot of people on youtube talking about weight loss/exercise, but I can't find any of the old blog people I used to follow. I miss them. If you read this and still blog, please leave a note in the comments. Or if you have a youtube channel, please let me know. I'm considering a youtube channel when I retire in 2020. There aren't enough old people on there, everyone is 20-something! 

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Marathon update

On September 15, 2018 I completed a full marathon, 26.2 miles! I did it, and I'm 63 years old. It was the Fairbanks Equinox Marathon in Fairbanks, Alaska. It's rated as one of the most difficult marathons in the United States, #2 on several lists. A net elevation gain of 3,300 feet. It was hard and amazing at the same time. I love the people in Alaska (where I spent the first 30 years of my life).

My boyfriend and I completed it in 7 hours and 44 minutes (don't laugh...he's 60 and I'm 63). We ran a little, jogged a lot, walked a lot more and there might have been some dragging of feet at one point. They allowed ten hours to complete it, and there were about a 100 people behind us (566 registered participants). I attempted this same marathon when I was 16 years old without any training. I made it the first ten miles (all uphill) and quit. I'm so proud that I completed it at 63 what I couldn't do at 16. It really is all in your head what you can and can't do. Wisdom comes with age.

Charles and me at the finish line, holding our Equinox Marathon patches. We were both super happy we came in under 8 hours. Our goal was to come in under 10 hours. 

Charles going down the Chute - the picture doesn't do it justice. Super steep downhill and rocky. He got two black toenails. This was in July when we did our trial run.

Testing out the five mile loop we missed in July. This was the day before the marathon.

 More of the 5-mile loop, two days before the marathon. It's so beautiful in Alaska. I miss it so much! 

More scenery on the 5-mile loop, which starts at mile 17. We drove to mile 17 two day before the marathon do do a few miles on the loop we missed during the trial run in July.

Me two days before the marathon. I really didn't do 13 miles that day, but we stopped by the sign. I did do 20 miles in our July trial run. See picture below. LOL!

 From our trial run in July, we really did do 20 miles that day. Then we quit and called a cab. I thought I was going to die, and we almost canceled doing the actual marathon in September. I was wiped out in this picture, as you can tell. Also, we ran out of water at mile 17 during our trial run. Which was really miserable

Another beautiful scenery picture on the trail in September. Oh how I love you Alaska!

Part of the road we had to hike up. It's a three-mile hill. This was a couple days before the marathon when we drove up. It doesn't look that steep, but trying to go up it after about 13 miles of through the woods, on rocky trails with tree roots that was all uphill, this was a killer!

I plan on posting a more in the near future. At least once a week, and the weekends. I have a lot to say, but not a lot of time. I forgot how fun it is to write, even if no one is reading it.

Note: a fun read about "walking" a marathon -- 5 reasons to commit to and walk a marathon by Carla Birndberg (formerly Miz Fit).

Friday, April 20, 2018

It's a never ending journey (162.4)

After decades of battling my weight, I've finally come to peace with the fact that this journey to maintain good health never ends. I always thought if I'd lose the weight, get to goal, then I'd be on easy street. That's never worked before, and I've finally accepted that it doesn't work that way. 

People always say that losing weight is just half the battle. Maintaining the weight loss is the other half of the battle. For me, maintenance is the hardest part and the biggest part. I struggle every day, and in spite of what people may tell you, it never gets easy. At least, it's not easy not for me. It's an uphill battle every single day of my life.

Looking back at my old Weight Watcher weight records, here's my past ten years:

2/12/2008 - 238.0 pounds 
Started Weight Watchers again, and making an honest attempt to lose weight. I remember I felt miserable. I had plantar fasciitis, I had chest pains when I walked, even walking slowly. I was completely miserable.

3/1/2009 - 154.4 pounds
Not at goal because I had set a goal of 135. I don't think I was at this weight more than a few days before  I started the slide back to gaining weight.

2/23/2015 - 233.4 pounds
A restart of Weight Watchers for the at least the 10th time since 2008, I just don't have all the weight records from those years. Although I know each time resulted in a weight loss and a subsequent weight gain..

2/13/2015 - 205.8 pounds
And then I stopped Weight Watchers again, for almost two years.

1/8/2917 - 218.4 pounds
Another restart

4/15/2018 - 162.4 pounds

Net loss since 2008, ten years, is -75.6 pounds

The difference this time is that I've been between 161 and 167 pounds since November 5, 2017. I've been in an "accidental" maintenance mode for almost six months. That's not necessarily a thing to brag about, but it's also not a bad thing. In fact, it's better than anything I've done in the past ten years when it comes to weight loss. 

The past is the past. I can't undo the mental and physical damage I've done to myself after years of big weight losses and weight gains. I think I've learned something over the years. Mainly that I can't do something to lose weight that I'm not willing to do the rest of my life if I want to maintain my weight loss.

I can't eat a 100% clean diet 100% of the time. Ideally, I'd cut out all processed foods. Realistically, I can cut out a lot of processed foods, but not ALL processed foods. I like some processed foods, and they make me happy. If I'm going to be real about this, I will eat them. Maybe some Halo Top or Enlightened high protein ice cream. Or some seaweed chips, and a slice of healthy bread. Or maybe a slice or two of real sharp cheddar cheese or homemade pizza with turkey pepperoni. 

I could provide a long list of things I eat that some people would tell me that they're unhealthy foods. Perhaps they'd be correct. I don't eat these things every day, but I do eat them occasionally. Like I said, they make me happy. Being happy about my food is a key component for me to maintain my weight loss.

As far as exercise, whatever I'm doing now I will have to maintain the rest of my life. If I don't, I will have to eat fewer calories. I'm not really willing to do that at this point. Right now my average calorie intake is between 1800 and 2000. According to my Apple watch, I'm burning about 300-400 calories a day between exercising and walking. I'm not 100% convinced my Apple Watch is accurate. I think it exaggerates my calorie burn. Regardless, I eat a lot of food every day, which is probably why I'm in a maintenance mode.

I still want to lose another 8 pounds. My goal this time around is 154, which will give me a healthy BMI of 24.9 (I'm 5' 6"). I'll get there, but I'm not in any big rush (although I'd love to stop paying Weight Watchers $44.95 a month). 

That's my update. Nothing earth shattering. Just my experience with weight loss and what seems to be working for me. However, I still know I could regain the 75 pounds in a heartbeat. I've here before and know the dangers of losing a large amount of weight and regaining it. 

I truly doubt anyone reads this, because blogs seem to be a thing of the past. However, I want to keep some kind of record of how I'm doing. I read some of my old posts from 2008/2009. They are truly cringe worthy. It made me a little sad, because I was so happy at one point and then so sad because I gained all my weight back. My emotions are tightly coupled with my weight at that time. Here's a post from one of my happy times (and I'm currently five pounds above the weight in the video). By the way, this is from my very old blog started over 10 years ago in 2008. 


Yesterday was a good day. I was determined to get through it with getting in some exercise (6-mile hike in the hills in the woods) and no...