This blog is about me. It was orignally about my struggles with weight loss, but it has become much more. It's about my battle with cancer, the end of a 25-year marriage, a new love and yes, it's still about trying to lose weight and get healthy. It's really a journey of my life.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I just want to be normal. Is that too much to ask?
Note: I weighed this morning, 3/18, on my home scale. Wearing the attire I wear when I weigh in at Weight Watchers, my workout clothes. My scales are very accurate. The sad truth...I weigh 165.4, for a gain of 10.8 pounds. Ouch. I guess I do eat my emotions.
I promised myself that I'd go to a Weight Watcher's meeting tonight. Instead, I decided to take my sorry, fat ass to the gym for a one-hour workout, that turned into an hour and 45 minutes, plus 10 minutes of cool down.
My lungs were on fire during my hour of elliptical, and I didn't feel as strong as normal lifting weights for 45 minutes, but I did it. I also did some boy push ups on that half ball thingie, with the rounded side down so you're completely unstable. It's so hard, killer hard. Okay, so I only did eight, but it was the first time I'd tried them. Every night I'd watch this beautiful, really fit young woman do them and think one of these nights I'm going to try that. Tonight was the night.
Since I didn't go to Weight Watchers tonight, tomorrow I'm stepping on my incredibly accurate scales here at home. I need to see the damage, face the music. I suspect a "Holy Crap!" will be in order.
I was sick and apparently decided to feed this cold. Of course, who am I kidding. It started way before I was sick, the not counting Points, eating more than I should. My jeans told me the truth today and there's no denying I've gained weight.
Do normal weight people ever just randomly gain five or six pounds? I suspect that's going to be the damage. I wonder how they do it. How do they just eat "normally" every day without putting a lot of thought into it and not gain weight?
Most of the people I work with are thin or normal weight. They don't count Points or calories or fat grams. They seem to eat what they want, when they want to eat it. They're mostly men, mid-thirties, early forties. There are a few women too, but they don't have a problem either. I've asked them about it, but they said they just don't think about it. Some of them exercise, but most of them don't. I just don't understand why it's such a problem for me and not a problem for them.
This whole healthy lifestyle consumes me. What I'm eating, when I'm eating it, how much I'm eating, how many Points did I eat, how many Points do I have left for the day. It's a constant barrage in my head, always thinking about food.
I think that's why I've gained some weight these last couple of weeks. Part of me is rebelling. It's been over a year of doing this and honestly, I'm kind of sick to death of this whole thing.
I just want to be a normal person when it comes to food. I don't want it to be all-consuming. Unfortunately, I don't think that's an option for me. I guess there are worse crosses to bear in life. I'm not diabetic, and I don't have cancer. I just have to worry about what I eat. Suck it up Diana. It's my lot in life.
What I Ate
In an attempt to be more honest about what I'm eating, I'll start posting my tracking journal here.
Tuesday 3/17 --- I looked at the food I consumed today and see some major problems. I'm not following the Healthy Eight Guidelines and too many snacks. I get 19 Daily Points, and usually eat all my APs and my Weeklies, for a total of 28 Points a day. The Luna Bar and the sugar-free cocoa were unusual. I don't usually eat either of these. I'm really not sure what's going on with me and my food.
Because I've obviously been eating too much lately, tonight I'm cutting myself off at 21 Points. I'm more tired than hungry right now, so it's not a big deal for tonight.
1 hour Elliptical
45 minutes upper body workout (some new exercises per this 'get Michelle Obama's arms'article)
Per heart rate monitor burned 648 calories
The tracker said 5 APs. Somehow, that doesn't seem right.