Thursday, March 12, 2009
The stress side affect -- ravenous hunger
That insatiable, all-consuming hunger is back and in full force. It's taking every ounce of my willpower and inner strength to not stuff my face with food. I've been fighting every second of today about what I was eating and how much I was eating.
Even though I love my new job responsibilities, the pressure is on to have my project plan mapped out by tomorrow. The week has been crazy busy and it's not done. I should be working on it right now, but I'm so tired I can barely stay awake.
Add some stress on the home front and well, I was just about ready to succumb to those doughnuts the manager brought in this morning. Maple bars, my weakness.
At lunch my healthy curried red lentil soup with turkey and fresh broccoli just didn't look that appealing to me, it didn't represent the comfort I needed. I thought about running out to get something different, something "bad" for me, which is something I never do. Instead, I ate my soup and worked at my desk.
I guess it's the body's natural desire to relieve stress however it thinks fit, and mine seems to think food will work miracles. Deep down inside I know it'll only make things worse. It always has in the past. I get stressed, eat to be comforted and wind up in an upward spiraling weight gain. I've done it over and over during my life.
This is my danger area, the time when I get weak and lose my focus. Damn it, not this time! This time is going to be different. I haven't lost any weight for the last two weeks, but I haven't gained any either, just holding steady. It's time to get serious and get my butt in gear. Well, my butt is in gear for exercise, I'm good with that part. It's the food, I'm eating clean, but still not tracking an entire day. I haven't for at least a week. I track until 4pm, then I quit. Every freaking day!
Tomorrow's goal, track my food for one entire day. Just one. The ravenous hunger, I'll just have to deal with it until it dies down. Embrace it until I squeeze it to death. <---spoken like a woman under a wee bit of stress.
Note: I added a picture link to the right. It mortifies me to see pictures of myself at my highest weight. I still can't believe how bad I looked. Why didn't I see myself like how I really looked?