Friday, May 15, 2009

Desperately seeking perfection

All my life I just wanted to look normal, or so I thought. I told myself if I wasn't fat and was physically fit, then I'd be happy with my body.

Well, as you've probably guessed, I was dead wrong. I'm not fat and I'm very physically fit, probably the most fit I've been in my entire life. Yet I'm still not happy with my body. In my mind "normal" is actually perfection. I want to weigh the perfect weight, have perfect perky breasts, perfect thin thighs, perfect slim hips and a perfect,flat stomach. The reality of it is that my body was never "perfect", not even when I was 21 and weighed 128. My breasts were too small, my hips too wide, and my thighs too chubby. Okay, I did have a perfectly flat stomach, I actually remember being happy with it

I know I'm too critical of myself, trust me, I hear it all the time from you guys, my friends, my husband and even "strangers" at the gym. I'm starting to accept my flawed body. I'll never be a Victoria Secret model or be in Playboy, not that those were ever my aspirations anyway. However, there's one part of my body I'm thinking about changing and it involves surgery, breast augmentation surgery. I know if I'd read this in a blog about a year ago I would have posted a "don't do it!" comment. Followed by, "it's dangerous, it can kill you, are you doing it for a man?".

Honestly, I want to do this for myself. My breasts look fine with clothes and a good bra, but not so good on their own. They've shrunk at an alarming rate and not proportionately to my waist and hips. They're much smaller than they were the last time I dropped 100 pounds. I don't want massive breasts, I just want them in proportion to my hips. This is the gift I'm going to give myself when I reach goal. I want to be the old lady in the retirement home with the perfect, perky boobies.

One other gift I'm giving myself and for which my husband will probably for sure divorce me, is a tattoo. One of my best friends came in to work today and showed me the tattoo she got last night. It's incredibly beautiful. It's runs down her side from her bra line to mid-hip. It's a crane, surrounded by cherry blossoms. Of course it helps that her body is amazing (she's 27), but it's the coolest looking tattoo I've ever seen. I haven't decided what to get or where to get it, but I will get it. So then I'll be the old lady with the perfect boobs and the tattoo (and probably divorced). Heck, you only live once, right?


Ella Enchanted said...

You are hilarious! I have a friend that had a breast augmentation done after she lost 40 pounds because she wanted to be completely happy with her naked body! She says that she has never been happier with the way she looks. She researched doctors for months & had a few consultations before she actually did it. I think she drove 6 hours away to make sure she had a respected physician. What does your husband think of the idea? I'm sure he wouldn't mind! :) As for the tattoo, I have 2 & no one knows except for my family & few close friends. I always love listening to the prudes at work gossip about how people with tattoos are so "trashy"...if they only knew!!!

Tony said...

I'll gladly give you some of my boob fat. Wow, did I just say that?

Ida said...

If money weren't an issue, you bet your boots I'd be having breast aumentation! I'd be right there in the nursing home with you comparing our perky boobs! LOL I don't know about a tattoo. I want to stay married, so I guess that is out of the question (until he dies or somethin', then, who knows)

big_mummy said...

i am with you! if these suckers dissapear to nothingness you are darn skippy ill get fake tittys. sometimes you need to feel good in your skin, not JUST clothes.

and ditto on the tattoo- my hubby will likely divorce me too, but its my skin :)

Fatinah said...

I've told myself I would get a lift when I've been at my goal for a year. I also just got my 2nd tattoo almost a year ago. I'm going to get my first tattoo (which is now 22 years old) tweaked and prettied up a bit before I get my third. My last one is on my foot and is a vine with different flowers sprouting off it, one representing each of the women in my family. I just love it. The other one is on my back hip, and I too like listening to the gals at work trash tattoo'd ladies. My husband isn't crazy about tattoos at all, but since I came with one..... haha

Anyhow - good for you. It's your body. You should do what you want with it.

Patty said...

It's your body and you can do whatever you want! I think I built very similar, and the few pounds I have recently lost were all in my already on the small side boobies!! DH even noticed, so I'm not imagining it. But a few months ago I went through some phase where they were all swollen and painful, and after that I don't care if they completely disappear. :-) (Was that over the top for my first visit to your blog??)
Your transformation is amazing, and see over at Meps you are working even harder to get that body "retirement home ready". :-)