Monday, June 8, 2009

Hanging in there

After 16 months of doing this you would think I'd have it down pat by now. That I wouldn't have to give it a second thought, that my "lifestyle change" was firmly in place and nothing could make me falter. That couldn't be further from the truth.

Every day is a damn hard struggle for me. Some days slightly easier, but those are rare. Most days it's difficult. I think there might be something wrong in my head to make me have such a strong desire for food. Or more likely, it's my screwed up head and what one of my favorite bloggers, Sara, said in her recent post. I have the obesity disease, for which there is no cure. Luckily, each day is a do-over. That's just how I roll I guess, it's one big struggle for me.

I was pretty good yesterday, 19.5 Points until 9pm, then I ate two nectarines and some watermelon (okay, more than some, it was a ton of watermelon). I was down 2.2 pounds this morning, but still a ways to go just to get back to 155 (about 6 pounds).

This morning I was at the gym when the doors opened at 5am and got in 20 minutes elliptical, 25 minutes StairMaster (level 6 & 7 on the speed program -tough!), and one hour of strength where I really rocked it.

I love lifting weights! I love watching some guy doing 20-pound dumbbells like he's Mr. Macho Guy and then I walk over and pick them up like they're nothing. It was a really good workout.

I had some new tunes on my iPod so I was an extremely happy girl. And the sexy bald guy that has incredible muscles smiled at me and said good morning, that was kind of cool. We've been working out side by side for months and have never spoken. I'm not sure what was different this morning, but it made me feel good.

So on to another day, another struggle. My internal battle of me against food. I wish it was different, but it is what it is.


~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

We're all right along with you hon. You're not alone!

bbubblyb said...

No Diana you're definitely not alone. I have to say therapy is my big key. Even going just once a month does me a world of good. Maybe it's something to think about again. I say being aware of our issues is a huge thing too. So I think you're doing ok. Just keep trying and doing what you've been doing.

For me I'm always reminding myself too that it's not about the food, the weight, the exercise, it's about trying to live the best life we can. To fill our days with things that make us happy and content.

Hang in there. *hugs*

antgirl said...

Sometimes knowing our issues, as bbubblyb says, is half the battle.

It took a mindset change for me to not miss the old way. It took looking at it all differently.

Can't wait until I'm doing as great as you with the weights and putting them boys to shame. :)

Ida said...

We will never be 'cured' any more than an alcoholic is ever cured. Addictions are concored, never cured. So we struggle daily. I quit smoking 10 years ago, but I still crave cigarettes occasionally. It's a battle I will always fight, as is my battle with food.

big_mummy said...

i have just caught up and wow.

1. hubbys who bring in banned foods need to be shot.

2. glad he took the letter ok.

3. 8lb could be a lot of water weight you know. not all of it but definatly some.

4.your post in my blog about my driving... "is this common in your land" made me SNORT so loud laughing!! so funny. and yes it is common lol

Ron said...

I beleive this healthy lifestyle is the way to go, but it is a lifestyle that you don't just turn on. you have to think about it everyday and make those better choices. I struggle alot also. That is why I am up 5 pounds.... but I am on track this week, hopefully I will see some results! Stepped on the scale over 176 this morning! not good!!!