Saturday, June 20, 2009

The skies are dark but my spirit is bright

Have you ever woke up and heard the birds singing and felt like singing yourself? Perhaps I'm a bit bipolar, but I'm in an incredibly good mood today. I have no explanation for this turn of events in my life, only that I intend to enjoy it while it lasts.

Big Mummy found the Real Women Have Curves clip on YouTube I was talking about. I watched it again this morning and found myself smiling even though I've seen the movie a couple of times and this particular scene several times in TV re-runs. It's something all of us women need to realize (and men too). We are beautiful, regardless of our size or that number on the scale. Neither of those define us. What's in our heart, our mind and our spirit are really what matters.

I went to a Weight Watchers meeting this morning. My best girlfriend emailed me yesterday and said she wanted to start going to "my" meetings with me. I changed to a new location about two months ago (but have only gone three times). I love the leader and it's about five miles from my house. This morning I biked to it.

After standing in the parking lot and chatting with my friend for almost an hour, I biked home, stopping at the neighborhood fruit and vegetable stand and bought local grown strawberries, local Rainier cherries (the best!), fresh spinach and baby bok choy to roast with red peppers and onions for dinner tonight.

After chatting with my friend I realized how much I've missed her. Since my great revelation about a year ago that I didn't believe in God anymore, I started seeing less and less of her, mainly out of guilt. I had shared my thoughts with her many months ago and instead of disowning me, she said she'd pray for me and was always there for me.

She's a very strong Christian, but not a shove-it-down-your-throat Christian. She walks the talk. We've been friends for over twenty years and she's someone I can always count on to be there for me. We made a date for dinner on Monday night. I'm not saying I'm totally back in the fold, I still have my doubts, but I realized that my life has never been darker than since I decided I didn't believe in God. I think I need to give this some more thought. Atheism doesn't seem to work for me.

A few other things have brightened my mood:

1. My goal weight: I've decided to up my goal weight to 139. That will make me lose an even 100 pounds and seems a lot more attainable than 135. Maybe when I get there I can go lower. I'll see how it goes. My Weight Watcher range is 128-160 (I'm 5' 6 1/2").

2. Peace: yesterday I made peace with an old friend. There's something comforting knowing that someone I care about cares about me. I wish him the best life has to offer, and I know he wishes the same for me. I'm very glad he's my friend.

3. My marriage: I've decided to make a real effort to make my marriage work. My bitchiness needs to stop. I should treat my husband at least as kindly as I treat complete strangers or my coworkers.

When someone at work makes some Jackass comment, I don't berate them and yell at them. I just let it go. Long ago I decided making personal enemies at work isn't worth it. Perhaps I should do the same with my husband. Let some of the stuff he says go. Not make a bigger deal out of it than it really is. I tend to do that, over analyze, and then make it into something it's not. There's work to be done on this marriage but I truly believe it's worth saving. Ida, thank you for your prayers. You may not realize it, but you have helped me tremendously.

4. My weigh-in: I gained, but I'm okay with it. I was up over ten pounds a week ago, at 164.8 (my lowest weight in the last two months has been 154.6). Here are my stats for today:

Starting weight 2/9/2008: 239.2

Today's weight: 157.4

Total lost: 81.8

I'm a happy girl on many levels. I love my husband, I love my friends, I love myself. Can life get any better than this?


Anonymous said...

139 for 5'6 1/2 is thin! We are the same height exactly. I remember back in the day, when I actually weighed 139 lbs., I looked pretty hot. I don't remember any real flab at that weight, though I tended to compare myself to my waif friends & I'm sure I thought I was fat. If you are tone too... damn girl, you'd better get a big stick to beat all those men off!

Ida said...

It is so great that you are once again on the bright side. You know, there are lots of people who decide, for whatever reason, that they no longer believe in God. Be that as it may, God never quits believing in you. Nor does He ever give up on you or quit loving you. And I love you, too, even though we only know each other on the internet, I count you as a friend. You are going to be okay. The worse may not be over, but you will get through it. And I will keep praying.

Victor said...

Hmm,..very interesting….keep it up….looking forward for more posts… try making your blog more social based.. so we can communicate with other commenter’s. nice post ..keep it up ..btw, you should check RAisoft blog

Ron said...

Glad you woke up in such a wonderful mood, you have many reasons to do so!

big_mummy said...

139 seems so thin to me!! that is like 9st13 MAN!

and you!!! missus, thanks for the comments... so good for my ego lol

Fatinah said...

I'm glad you're going to try with your marriage. You know the expression "fake it till you make it"? Sometimes that really works in life. I was in a work situation once where I was filled with intense dread every time I had to get up to go to work. I was at the end of my rope and one day I decided to go in to work as though I enjoyed it. I would take a deep breath and walk in smiling and greet people nicely. You know what? After a couple of weeks, I wasn't faking the smile anymore. That can be applied to home life also, I think. It can't hurt, right??

Also, good for you for going to a meeting. They really do sort of get you back on track.

Glad you're feeling so positive about everything.

antgirl said...

Glad to see you turn the corner. :) I think life got all the easier once I decided to enjoy it.

I'm still working on my guns ... that's what I'm working on.

Thank you for sharing the movie clip. Accepting ourselves is a big pill to swallow. I got it most of the way down, but there are still lingering bits ... Mostly, I ignore them these days.

What do the imperfections matter if you are happy and enjoying life? Finding that sense of peace and joy is invaluable. I sure did miss it when it was gone.

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

I need that movie!

Hugs to you!

Fuzz said...

Wow great job on that weight loss that's a great transformation on that pic. And nice clip! Cheers, Erin