I haven't talked to him since April. He stopped by my cubicle yesterday and we chatted about how things were going, about his divorce. I could see a sadness in him that I hadn't seen before.
I told him about my post I had written after our lunch, and the surprising number of people that had posted comments. Some siding with him and some siding with his wife. He asked to read the post so I sent it to him, with the comments.
Here's the email he sent me after he read the post and the comments other people had posted. This is from Ben:
Thanks. That was amazing to read.
It really puts things into perspective for me.
I don't blame her a bit for wanting to leave me. I did not do anything to correct the problem and did not give her any hope that I would.
With so many years of issues (baggage) stored in our closet, like not playing ball with the kids, not taking family vacations, not doing any exercises with or without her, what choice did I really give her? I was always way too focused on making money with my home business to provide the family with money to buy whatever they wanted because I was not available physically to do the things that normal size people do with their families. And the snowball just continued to roll down hill over the years.
Yes my family has a history of medical issues that are very serious and I should be doing something to prevent that from happening to me, but I didn't.
I don't really know what I was looking for in life, but for what ever reason didn't feel I was getting it from home.
I always felt like I was missing a role model in life to emulate as a good father and husband. But with my father-in-laws death two days before our wedding and having to bury him one day after, and my father that was a wife beater and alcoholic I really did not have anyone to emulate what it was that I should do for myself and my family.
So I guess my struggle was to do my best given what little knowledge I could gather along the way in life.
The last positive thing I can remember hearing from my wife was that I was a good provider, just not a good companion.
Please share this comment with your blog because I want them to know that sometimes you just don't get the story of life until you read the last page of the last chapter, and by then its to late to go back and make any changes.
Guess it is time to pick up a new book. Anyone got any suggestions for a good read on a 40+ Male, struggling to loose weight, and make ends meet now that he's on his own, with a full time job, and a business of 20+ customers and a desire to be a successful entrepreneur, so he can send his two kids to college starting in four years?
Oh well in my book LIFE does and will go on, it will just be a little different.
Thanks for the insights.
I want anyone out there that is overweight to realize what they're missing in life. I'm not saying someone should divorce their spouse because they're overweight. But I am saying if you're the overweight spouse, you are missing a lot in life and that it has a negative impact on your spouse and on your marriage.
I was that spouse, the overweight person in the marriage who didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I was missing out on life and so was my husband. He never threatened divorce, but honestly, I would understand it if he had chosen that route.The whole thing is sad. Ben realized too late the importance of his family and the importance of being healthy. It's not too late for you.