Thursday, July 30, 2009

It's official, I'm on a D-I-E-T!

Call it what you want, lifestyle change seems to be the most popular term for losing weight these days, but for me, it's a DIET. I've been screwing around for months with this, up and down the same eight to ten pounds. Right now I'm up to 163. I put on my size 10 slacks this morning, the ones that run a little small but fit perfectly a couple months ago when I weighed 154. They zipped up okay, but my tummy sticks out. Even when I suck it in it still sticks out.

Next week I'm in Tulsa for re-certification of our software that's used at common use airports. I'll be working with several software engineers that I've been emailing and talking to on the phone for several months. These guys are smart, really smart. I'm not. I'm not an idiot, but I'm not a true geek when it comes to computers. I can get by okay, but I'm kind of a fake when it comes to being a software engineer. I'm the project manager on this project, not actually doing any coding, but it's assumed that I understand the coding and all the moving parts.

So what does this have to do with me losing weight? Everything! My self-confidence is directly linked to my weight. When I feel fat, I feel stupid. I know that probably doesn't make sense to most people, but it's how my brain works. I guess I can fake the smart thing better when I feel like I look good. I don't know if it's me or if it's how other people treat me, but when I feel confident in my looks, I feel smarter. It makes absolutely no sense as I write this, but it really is how I feel.

My immediate plan is to shed five pounds by Monday (4 days), when I have to be in the Tulsa office of our vendor. Before you all get crazy and tell me that's unrealistic to lose five pounds in four days, I know some of my weight is water weight. I've been eating a lot of salt lately. Putting salt on my food, eating lots of Seasonsed RyKrisp (very salty), so I'm pretty sure I can drop at least a couple pounds of water.

Goal for today:

Workout - 40 minutes cardio & 1 hour weights (done at 5 a.m. this morning)
Eat maximum of 24 Points today - this will be tough, but I'm going to give it my best shot.
Drink a ton of water - 64 oz. minimum - with ice - lots and lots of water
Embrace the hunger - something I haven't been doing for months. It's something I have to do to lose weight. It's a fact of life for me.
Smile - it's not that bad. The results will be worth it.

She went home last night, but it wasn't a total happy ending. The family is really nice and were happy to see her, but they told me Lucy belongs to their 18-year old daughter who is leaving for college next month. They need to find a home for Lucy. Someone that has the time and energy to take care of her and give her the attention she deserves.

Unfortunately, that's not me right now. I work a lot and travel a lot for work and spend about two hours a day at the gym. My husband hates big dogs (long story), but I love them. I love all dogs. Anyway, she's home, safe in her big back yard. They promised me they wouldn't give her to anyone and they're definitely not taking her to the animal shelter. Funny thing, she and I bonded in just two days. I practically cried when I handed her over to them and then she ran back to me wagging her tail like crazy and tried to knock me over again. I really hope they find a good home for her. She deserves the best.


antgirl said...

Since you were the first commenter on my blog today, my main character in a short story I'm writing for a contest is going to be named after you. Fabulous as I saw her with long hair and you have long hair. :) I may make you a redhead though and I'm just using your name not basing the character on you. I'll e-mail you a copy when it's done.

When I had the depression/anxiety problems I felt stupid all of the time. So, I can certainly understand what you're feeling. And, I've been in maintenance mode for over a year now. I know I've toned more and shaved off a 1/2 inch earlier this year, but nothing dramatic like a new size.

I just made peace with it. For me, I'm just too comfortable with what I'm doing. I may try shaving off calories, etc ... here and there. Maybe if I were better about tracking water ...

antgirl said...

oh, ps ... I ended up not replacing the Skinny Cow. I eat just one a day, so I don't see a problem with that. The organics were higher in calories and fat. Since reading *The End of Overeating* by Dr. Kessler, I feel I've gotten a better hold over my evening eating. I had rules in place. I just make sure I follow them. If I'm truly hungry, then I will eat something. But, I'm almost over eating just 'cause I want to ... except for the hormone & BBQ chip incident earlier this week ....

SunflowerDaisies said...

My self-confidence has a lot to do with my weight too. I have always been very insecure about the way that I look, and it has in the past affected how I felt in my job and performance as a teacher. (And plus I'm a people pleaser:S) I've had to really work on that a lot-- have the mindframe that I just have to do my best, and if they're disappointed or they don't like, it's okay!

Erin Huggins said...

Hey Diana, Have you tried pilates? it's hits your inner core. You should try it. Cheers, Erin

Ida said...

Good luck, Diana. I hope you are able to get back on plan and lose the weight you've gained.
(see, I didn't scold you about anything! ;) )

MizFit said...

no scolding here either then about your monday plan.

Im such a salt eater that I do think one (if one were like I am :)) can shrd a few pounds of peeeeing with water and lowering sodium.

let me know if I can lend a hand.