Thursday, July 16, 2009

The voices in my head

There's a "good" voice and a "bad" voice constantly talking in my head. It drives me nuts sometimes. Today the conversation about working out went like this:

It can't be 5am already! I just went to sleep. I'm not working out today, I'm too tired!

Get your butt out of bed. Remember, this is how it starts.

But I think I'm getting bronchitis. I have that weird tickle thing in my lungs, like last time.

You didn't cough all night, get up. Now!

Don't wanna!

30 minutes later I'm up

I don't want to go to the gym. So tired. It's too late anyway. I need to go to work early today. No time for the gym.

Okay, but pack your gym bag, you're going after work.

Why? If I'm too tired now I'll be too tired at 6pm.

Pack the bag.

I pack the bag anyway, but stay late at work leaving around 7:30 pm.

I'm so tired, I think I'll just go home.

No, you're going to the gym. It's not up for discussion.

No, I'm going home.

Gym.

Home.

We'll think about it on the way home.

I eat 2 cups of icy cold watermelon chunks left over from my lunch, with my fingers, on the drive home/gym. I drink a whole water bottle of water. I'm starting to feel better.

I feel better, I think I'll go to the gym. I'll get my second wind when I get there and start working out.

Really Diana, don't you want to go home? Don't you feel just a little sick from that cold you had on Sunday? You're so tired. It's hot out, probably hot in the gym too. It's so late, almost 8pm. Go home.

Nope, going to the gym. Shut up about it because you're not going to win this argument.

Seriously, that's how it went today. This is only part of it, the conversation was back and forth all freaking day.

I worked out for an hour and 45 minutes. Great workout even though my beloved StairMaster is still broken. I can barely move my arms they're so tired and already sore from the weights I lifted.

I don't usually have this tough of a time going to the gym. I usually don't even think about it, I just do it. Today there was an inner battle going on inside of me. A fight, me against me.

Perhaps that sounds weird, perhaps I'm really ready for the loony bin, crazytown or whatever you want to call it. Or perhaps I've learned what's best for me, and to ignore that negative, stupid voice in my head that wants me to be lazy and fat again. I don't know who she is or why she thinks she can boss me around, but I think not.

7 comments:

MizFit said...

uhoh
do you wanna share a room at the aforementioned bin?

your post sounds remarkable like my head :)
in fitness, sure, and BEYOND.

Ron said...

Glad you are in control, so that bad voice doesn't win!!!

Lia said...

My head too! We're all crazy, which means we're all normal :D hehe, good job letting the "do-good" voice come through. I think the more you follow that one the stronger it becomes. Stay strong!

Brooke said...

I think the same crazy lady lives in me. It's some kind of alter ego that makes me truly crazy! I have a great few days and then all of a sudden I'm getting evil messages. And I argue and fight - until I give in - and then beat myself up. Why? I just posted about this yesterday - I want OFF this rollercoaster. I thought it would get easier - but I'm learning that it doesn't. I have an addiction and I'm going to fight it forever. I hope was Lia said is true - it will get stronger. Have a good day Diana!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

My good voice tells me to work out every day, eat right, be good to myself.

My bad voice tells me to light fires.

Ida said...

I have those same two voices. I remember an old story about the Indian with 2 dogs who were always fighting. A young boy once asked him which one won. "The one I feed the most" was the answer. The voice you listen to, or feed, the most will become the stronger and will win the battle. Keep feeding the good voice, my friend.

antgirl said...

It's not just you, Diana.

I've been bribing myself lately with episodes of the Tudors after my workouts.