Friday, August 7, 2009

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Today is my birthday. I'm officially 54 years old. For months I've been saying I'm almost 54 so it doesn't feel like a big shock.

I don't feel like I'm 54. I feel like I did in my twenties, maybe even better now because I didn't exercise much in my early twenties. Back then I was always doing crash diets, trying to lose 10-20 pounds. My goal weight was 125 (I'm 5' 6" and the closest I got to that goal was 127 in my 40's, not realistic). I was kind of an idiot about health. I really wanted to be skinny, not healthy.

I definitely feel smarter about a lot of things in life, and I'm not as shy as when I was younger. I believe in a healthy lifestyle instead of focusing on being skinny. Overall I'm a much happier person now that I was in my twenties. Of course, I didn't appreciate my youth, but then, who does?

I'm still in Tulsa, hopefully heading home tonight. It's been an intensely stressful week. I went to the gym last night, but didn't go inside. Instead I sat in the parking and had a good cry.

I've been practically joined at the hip with my coworker. Breakfast, lunch, dinner together. All day in the lab working through problems. We get along really well, being the same age and the having the same interests (he's a bit of a health nut but loves to eat just like me). We had our first argument last night about a work problem. Not a screaming match or anything like that (I save those for my husband). It was just a disagreement that I could see made him angry. It was totally work related, but it made me feel bad. He's a coworker first, friend second. I'm the project manager, he's the developer. There are bound to be clashes.

After my good cry in the gym parking lot (I need to grow thicker skin) I decided not to work out. The first time this week. I stopped at Walmart on my way home and bought cookies and milk. I ate half a dozen cookies in front of the TV. I woke up this morning feeling much better, but too late for the gym.

I can't wait to go home. I'm tired, I miss my cat and my husband (not necessarily in that order), and I miss my routine. Happy birthday to me.

Oh - my birthday present to myself is going to be roller blades. I've been wanting them forever. Hope I don't fall and break a hip.


Graciela said...

Happy Birthday, Diana! As the saying goes, you're not getting older, you're getting better. It's a cliche, I know, but in your case it's obviously true.

Roller blades! Good for you!

The thing with your friend/coworker...this too shall pass and you'll both be fine.

Have a safe trip home!

Julie said...

Happy Birthday, Diana!

You're 54 years YOUNG!!!

Ella Enchanted said...

Happy Birthday babe!!!! You look amazing & being healthy is much better than being skinny, even though you do look skinny to me (in a good way, of course) :) Have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Happy Birthday Diana! Look at this as the beginning of a new year, and I hear things only get better with age!

Everyone needs a good cry every so often so don't beat yourself up about it hon. Just pick up and keep goin! Enjoy the rollerblades!

antgirl said...

Happy Birthday Super Girl!!! May it be the start of a happy and healthy year. Your best yet.

I shall go eat a popsicle in your honor.

bbubblyb said...

Happy Birthday Diana!!! Hope you get to celebrate your day when you get home the right way. Sorry about you and your co-worker butting heads, I had that happen this week with my boss, it's never pleasant. Hopefully he'll get over it quickly.

Ida said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! When you get home, grab hubby and go celebrate in STYLE, girl. You deserve it.

Katie J said...

Happy Birthday!! May this year being you everything you want and more! :-)

Tony said...

Happy Birthday Diana, and cheer up! You look great, and sometimes a cookie with a glass of milk is the best thing on earth.

Lia said...

I'm a bit delayed: Happy Birthday!! I agree with Tony's comment btw. Take some time to really chill and think about all the awesomeness you've been able to experience thus far and what ur gonna see and do! That's my fav birthday tradition :D

saoirse said...

first of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! and, um, you know damn well you dont look 54, but even if you did, your body doesnt think so.

crying in the parking lot? go for it? when else are you going to get it out? you need to get that out!

you know a half a dozen is 6 and that pretty damn good. i will be the first to say congrats on having only 6 cookies on your birthday!

Ron said...

Hope you had a great Birthday, sorry I didnt get to your post until today.... I turn the big 50 on Wednesday lol

Erin Huggins said...

Belated happy birthday! Wish you a good health and more birthdays to come.