Sunday, September 6, 2009

Day 10: Half-ton mom, Half-ton dad, 650 lb. virgin

Kenneth Brumley, 1,035 pounds
TLC - Half-ton man

It's day 10 of my 'lose 12 pounds in nine weeks' plan.

Yesterday wasn't a perfect day like I had hoped. I made the healthy Eggplant Parmesan with bulgur and pine nuts recipe I linked here a few days ago. YUK! Totally gross. It was a ton of work and tasted awful. I hated the eggplant and normally I love eggplant. I've never eaten bulgur before, and I never will again. Totally yukky. Strangely my husband loved both dishes, and he's not one to say he likes something if he doesn't. I wanted to throw them both in the trash.

After dinner (and I ate very little) I ate tortilla chips. My husband had bought them. I would never bring them in the house. Normally I would just ignore the chips but he found a brand that tastes just like the handmade ones at my favorite Mexican restaurant. I tried them the last time he bought them. I loved them but only ate a couple chips that time. 13 chips are 170 calories and 9 grams of fat. I ate about 100 chips last night. This time I didn't do the math. I didn't want to know.

On top of this I skipped the gym, two days in a row. This is not like me at all. In fact, I had that little feeling of fear. That voice in my head was going, "I told you that you couldn't do this. You're going to fail and gain back all 80 pounds plus more." The other voice tried to comfort me, tell me it was okay, I was still sore from Friday's workout, it was okay to take two days off in a row from the gym. The last time I did that was when I had the flu in April.

After my chip pigout, I watched television (let's see, no exercise, chips, and TV...sounds like the old me). TLC had on three programs, back to back: Half-ton mom, Half-ton dad, and 650-pound virgin. I watched all three.

TLC often has these types of documentaries and they always scare the crap out of me. I always think, that could be me. When I told my husband what I was thinking, that I could easily weigh that much, he looked at me like I'd grown horns and a tail. His words were "No way!". We've had this discussion before and he never believes me. Yet I know in my heart that it really could happen, I really could become one of the super obese and probably even become bedridden.

My husband kept saying he just couldn't understand how anyone could let themselves get to that point of weighing 1,000 pounds. My husband doesn't have the same relationship with food that I have with it.

He doesn't deprive himself, he eats what he wants, he's not freaked out that he's 50 pounds overweight, and from what I've seen, he really doesn't understand the concept of going on a diet. He'll "cut back", but he won't diet where he's hungry and consumed by thoughts of food.

Basically, he doesn't get "it", the whole idea of food as comfort, food as a friend, food that will numb the pain. He thinks of food as sustenance. If he's hungry, he eats. He doesn't understand that I feel hungry most of the time. When I whine that I'm so hungry I could just die, his response is usually, "well, eat something!" or "just don't think about it". Neither is helpful.

Watching those TLC shows did scare me. I understand those people. I understand how easy it would be to slip up day after day, to eat with abandon, and then one day wake up super obese (which is a BMI of 50-60). The one-ton dad said it was so easy to just let himself go, and once he got to where he was (1,035 pounds) it seemed impossible to change.

I don't want to wind up there. I don't want to slip up day after day, and eat with abandon. I don't want to wind up back where I started, NOT THIS TIME.
Plan for today:

1.) Number one priority is to hit the gym when it opens at 8 a.m. 50 minutes of cardio, 40 minutes of upper body strength.

2.) Eat my 19 base Points plus 4 APs for a total of 23. That's going to be hard but I'm going to do my best do stay within that limit

3.) Remember half-ton mom, half-ton dad, and 650-pound virgin. Keep them forefront in my thoughts. I don't want to be them, and I know it could happen if I'm not careful.

Note: Please don't think I think badly of the people I saw in these TLC documentaries. My heart goes out to them. I know it sounds strange and most people probably won't even believe me, but I can totally relate to these people. I know how easy that could happen to me, but I plan on doing everything in my power to not let it happen to me

Half-ton mom, Renee Williams, died of a massive heart attack two weeks after gastric bypass surgery. I was crying at the end of that show. She was only 29 and left behind a 13 year-old daughter. Half-ton dad, Kenneth Brumley (pictured above at his heaviest), had gastric bypass surgery and is at home still losing weight. He's lost 489 pounds lost so far, and weighs 521 pounds. I think he's going to make it. 650-pound virgin, David Smith, had lost over 410 pounds without any weight loss surgery and had skin removal surgery. He's a hottie and is out in the dating world. I doubt he's still a virgin.


Deb said...

Diana, are you really so hungry you could die? I ask this because I truly and honestly think that the WW point ranges go waaaaay too low. If a point averages 50 calories, 19 points is only 950 calories. That is not enough for any adult (in my opinion).

In my years of going to WW, I cannot tell you how many times I have heard women struggling so hard to make it to their goal weight, eating 19-20 points a day. They finally get there and start adding back the 2 points per week for maintenance and BOOM!, they lose a bunch of weight their first week of maintenance. I have always thought this was a sign that the lower point ranges WW recommends are just too danged low.

Again, my opinion. And it's worth exactly what you paid for it. ;-)

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Oh hon, I know exactly how you feel. My hubby is a human garbage disposal, he eats whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and struggles to gain (are you freakin kidding me?!). We just go the short end of the stick and have to fight for it. Keep fighting. We're all right here with you.

Graciela said...

I can relate to food as comfort, friend, rebellion...I spent so many years (as a bulimic) stuffing my anger, sadness, insecurities, name it, I used food to medicate myself. If I hadn't purged what I ate, I too probably would have weighed over 200 lbs.

Geneen Roth wrote a book in the 80's called "Feeding the Hungry Heart." Reading that book made me realize it's usually not our stomachs that are hungry, it's our HEARTS! We need to find ways to feed our hearts. I've been getting better since I realized that was my problem was much more emotional than physical. It's been a gradual process, but I can look back on myself and how I was in the 80s vs today, and the difference between then and now as to how I relate to food is stark.

Dear Diana, I'm no psychologist, but I think you have a hungry heart. I think if you can figure out how to truly feed your heart (how ever that looks) some of your hunger will go away.

In the meantime, I'm sending major hugs your way.

Ida said...

I can see my hubby doing that. But I really don't think I could ever get that way I worry about my dearly beloved because of his weight. He is doing some better since being diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, but he still continually overeats. NO, I don't nag him about it. I know from being married to him for 37 years that nagging him about his weight will just cause him to overeat more. No, I just love him, and lead by example. He has seen first hand how much weight I've lost and how I have struggled and what it has taken. Does this inspire or discourage him? I don't know. I just know that I am doing it for me. He needs to lose for HIM.
Diana, keep those people in mind, as it will serve as motivation for you. I understand.

Emmett said...

Wow that is a scary picture. It just puts everything in perspective.

SunflowerDaisies said...

Those shows always kind of scare me too. I'm not really sure why, but I guess b/c I just don't want to end up that way. It does put it into perspective that one day after the next, after the next, can finally lead to losing control. And then it just gets harder and harder to get out of it. I don't want to wind up there either.

DownsizingDoc said...

I cannot image how much physical and emotional pain anyone weighing that much must endure. My highest weight was 260 several yrs ago and I remember how miserable I was. I too use food for all the wrong reasons and have a fear of gaining - its been a yo-yo life.
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Lisa eats too much pizza said...

Ummm... I watched this too WHILE I was binging. Nice. :)

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