It's day 10 of my 'lose 12 pounds in nine weeks' plan.
Yesterday wasn't a perfect day like I had hoped. I made the healthy Eggplant Parmesan with bulgur and pine nuts recipe I linked here a few days ago. YUK! Totally gross. It was a ton of work and tasted awful. I hated the eggplant and normally I love eggplant. I've never eaten bulgur before, and I never will again. Totally yukky. Strangely my husband loved both dishes, and he's not one to say he likes something if he doesn't. I wanted to throw them both in the trash.
After dinner (and I ate very little) I ate tortilla chips. My husband had bought them. I would never bring them in the house. Normally I would just ignore the chips but he found a brand that tastes just like the handmade ones at my favorite Mexican restaurant. I tried them the last time he bought them. I loved them but only ate a couple chips that time. 13 chips are 170 calories and 9 grams of fat. I ate about 100 chips last night. This time I didn't do the math. I didn't want to know.
On top of this I skipped the gym, two days in a row. This is not like me at all. In fact, I had that little feeling of fear. That voice in my head was going, "I told you that you couldn't do this. You're going to fail and gain back all 80 pounds plus more." The other voice tried to comfort me, tell me it was okay, I was still sore from Friday's workout, it was okay to take two days off in a row from the gym. The last time I did that was when I had the flu in April.
After my chip pigout, I watched television (let's see, no exercise, chips, and TV...sounds like the old me). TLC had on three programs, back to back: Half-ton mom, Half-ton dad, and 650-pound virgin. I watched all three.
TLC often has these types of documentaries and they always scare the crap out of me. I always think, that could be me. When I told my husband what I was thinking, that I could easily weigh that much, he looked at me like I'd grown horns and a tail. His words were "No way!". We've had this discussion before and he never believes me. Yet I know in my heart that it really could happen, I really could become one of the super obese and probably even become bedridden.
My husband kept saying he just couldn't understand how anyone could let themselves get to that point of weighing 1,000 pounds. My husband doesn't have the same relationship with food that I have with it.
He doesn't deprive himself, he eats what he wants, he's not freaked out that he's 50 pounds overweight, and from what I've seen, he really doesn't understand the concept of going on a diet. He'll "cut back", but he won't diet where he's hungry and consumed by thoughts of food.
Basically, he doesn't get "it", the whole idea of food as comfort, food as a friend, food that will numb the pain. He thinks of food as sustenance. If he's hungry, he eats. He doesn't understand that I feel hungry most of the time. When I whine that I'm so hungry I could just die, his response is usually, "well, eat something!" or "just don't think about it". Neither is helpful.
Watching those TLC shows did scare me. I understand those people. I understand how easy it would be to slip up day after day, to eat with abandon, and then one day wake up super obese (which is a BMI of 50-60). The one-ton dad said it was so easy to just let himself go, and once he got to where he was (1,035 pounds) it seemed impossible to change.
I don't want to wind up there. I don't want to slip up day after day, and eat with abandon. I don't want to wind up back where I started, NOT THIS TIME.
1.) Number one priority is to hit the gym when it opens at 8 a.m. 50 minutes of cardio, 40 minutes of upper body strength.
2.) Eat my 19 base Points plus 4 APs for a total of 23. That's going to be hard but I'm going to do my best do stay within that limit
3.) Remember half-ton mom, half-ton dad, and 650-pound virgin. Keep them forefront in my thoughts. I don't want to be them, and I know it could happen if I'm not careful.
Note: Please don't think I think badly of the people I saw in these TLC documentaries. My heart goes out to them. I know it sounds strange and most people probably won't even believe me, but I can totally relate to these people. I know how easy that could happen to me, but I plan on doing everything in my power to not let it happen to me
Half-ton mom, Renee Williams, died of a massive heart attack two weeks after gastric bypass surgery. I was crying at the end of that show. She was only 29 and left behind a 13 year-old daughter. Half-ton dad, Kenneth Brumley (pictured above at his heaviest), had gastric bypass surgery and is at home still losing weight. He's lost 489 pounds lost so far, and weighs 521 pounds. I think he's going to make it. 650-pound virgin, David Smith, had lost over 410 pounds without any weight loss surgery and had skin removal surgery. He's a hottie and is out in the dating world. I doubt he's still a virgin.