Sure, I lost 80 pounds, but I can't seem to get this next 23 pounds off of me. It's like it's superglued to my body.
My workouts are insane, I've been doing 50 minutes of cardio a day and 45 minutes of strength, usually six days a week. I've been trying to eat 19 Points a day this week because I screwed up last weekend with two 40-Point days. That's totally insane.
Not only is the 19 Points insane, I've decided for me, it's impossible. I simply cannot live by eating 19 Points a day. I mean, we're talking around 1,000 calories. I burn about 600 calories during my workouts. Besides the fact I can't do it, I don't want to do it.
Have you ever been so hungry when you go to bed, that when you finally go to sleep you have dreams of food? I've actually been waking up in the middle of the night with my mouth moving because I'm dreaming of chewing food.
I need to eat to live, not eat so I can be skinny. Screw skinny. Maybe my husband is right, maybe my 135 goal is too low for me. Just because I thought it was a good weight for me 20 years ago doesn't mean it is now.
As my husband told me last night, I'm in the best physical condition of my life. It's true. My blood pressure is 110/68, my resting heart rate is 48, my total cholesterol is 117. I'm healthy as a horse.
So my thighs aren't stick thin. Were they ever thin? Even at 127 pounds ten years ago I thought my thighs were fat. I'm 5' 6 1/2", and I was wearing size 7 jeans. And I thought my thighs were fat? Maybe it's more about my body image issues than the number on the scale.
I'm rethinking my whole goal weight, and this deprivation path I've been on. I've got to stop it. It's insane, it's making me and everyone around me insane. It's become an obsession and it isn't healthy.
So, in my best Susan Powter imitation, it's time to STOP THE INSANITY!