Saturday, October 31, 2009

Losing my way

I'm taking a month off from blogging. I read back through several of my recent posts (and deleted several). I was dismayed that everything was focused on work. My job has been consuming me for the last five weeks. It's all I talk or think about anymore.

I considered completely deleting my blog since no one really reads it anymore anyway, and I certainly understand why they don't. It's suppose to be a "weight loss" blog, not a "my job sucks" blog. My goal is to refocus on what's important, and take some time to think.

Someone recently commented they thought my priorities were mixed up because I had listed my job as number one, health number two, and my marriage number three. They said my marriage should be number one. Thank you Jack.

I've been thinking about this for the past two weeks and I agree my marriage should be number one in my life, or at least near the top. Without my husband I would be lost. Without my health, I'd probably be dead, and without my job...oh well, I can always find another job. :)

I found out today my sister completely lost her hearing in one ear. I love my sister to pieces and usually have two-hour phone conversations at least once a month (she lives in Alaska).

Until today I hadn't talk to her since I visited in July. She lost her hearing while I was there but we thought it was because she'd been swimming in cold water. After seeing a specialist and having an MRI she was told her hearing is completely gone in her right ear. She knew two months ago. She called once but I was on the road and never called her back.

How could I have not know this? How could I ignore my family and my husband and make my job my focus? How could have been such a idiot about life and what's really important?

This is my new priority list:

1. God, my faith
2. Marriage
3. Health
4. Friends and family
5. Job

Somehow I seem to have been lost lately. Living in a daze of airports, hotels, airplanes, and stress. I want to get my head back on straight. Live the life I want, not the one I feel forced into.

The reason for a month off from blogging is I really want to focus on what's important. I won't be reading many blogs for the next month, unless I'm in an airport or hotel with down time.

I'll be back December 1 and hopefully in a better place in my life.

169.6 <---not where I want to more ways than one.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Sunrise in hell

Yes, I'm still here, another night in paradise. Or hell, however you want to look at it. Sadly, it sounds like I'll be back Monday. I just don't want to think about that right now.

This morning I went for a walk down by the water instead of going to the hotel gym. It's really pretty here, even by the airport. There's a little path that runs along the water and there were a lot of joggers, walkers and bikers out there this morning.

Funniest thing, I had my iPod and normally always listen to a playlist, but I let it shuffle among the over 300 songs I have on it. There's mostly top 40 stuff, a little hip hop, a few country songs and about 20 pop Christian songs. You'll never guess what song it hit on first when I started my walk. Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin.

It was a gorgeous sunrise. It made me wish my husband was here to enjoy it with me. Sort of a bittersweet morning.

San Francisco Bay

Across the road from my hotel, 6 a.m. Thursday
San Francisco Bay

About 6:40 a.m.

Pretty grass, it has a name, but I can't remember it.

A Fifties theater for lease, across the street from my hotel.

Home Sweet Home. Kind of looks like a mental institution, doesn't it?

Remembering to smile

Okay, I need an attitude adjustment. I just got up, checked email, wrote a status email for work, then read my last two posts.

I need to get over myself, and for God's sakes, stop writing posts at the end of the day!

Things are a little tough, but seriously, I like the pressure. I'm the project manager on this particular project. If things go well, I look good, if things go bad, I don't look so good. It's been an absolute roller coaster since we got here. One moment, things are going fabulous, the next thing I know it's all going to hell in a hand basket.

The truth, it's interesting, challenging, it makes my brain hurt, it stresses me, but makes me have a feeling of great accomplishment. It hasn't made me cry, not yet. It's a good job, and a great opportunity. In reality, I'm pretty lucky at 54 to have been given a chance at a totally new career path.

So in spite of all my whining and belly aching, it's not a bad gig I have here.

My goal today is to pay more attention to what I'm eating and make sure I make healthy choices. I've been eating fairly healthy until last night. I had pizza and ice cream for dinner, room service. I just didn't care. I care this morning.

I'm going down to the hotel gym in about an hour, before I head to the airport for what I hope is our last day, flying home tonight. We're checking out of the hotel again (like we did yesterday morning and had to recheck in last night). We have high hopes that today will go well.

I just need to remember to smile, laugh and roll with the punches.