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Showing posts from April, 2009

The race is on!

I must be crazy or stupid or both. A girlfriend of mine has been doing Medifast for the last 14 weeks and has lost 47.6 pounds. She needs to lose 25 more pounds to lose to reach her goal of 160 (she's 5' 9"). I've been doing Weight Watchers for 14 months, and I still have 20 more pounds to lose to reach my goal of 135 (I'm 5' 6 1/2").

She hasn't exercised once in 14 weeks (she's never been into exercise). She eats all pre-packaged liquid food (soups and shakes), and gets one "real" meal a day consisting of 6 ounces of chicken or fish and 1/2 cup of vegetables. The diet is about 800-900 calories a day. It sounds horrible to me, and I would never do anything so extreme to lose weight (okay, the old me would, but the new me, no way!).

The reason I'm crazy/stupid is because I agreed (actually suggested) a little friendly competition. Whoever gets to goal first wins. The prize is to pay the other person $1 for each pound lost. That will be …

I hate it...I love it...I hate it...I love it!

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That's what I was chanting this afternoon during my first bike ride in four years. The trail was only eight miles long, I was sure it was eight miles one way, but that was round trip. I added a four-mile ride through my neighborhood, but the fear of cars put an end to that rather quickly.

The trail is incredibly hilly. The "I hate it!" chant was during the long, painful uphill rides, where the self-talk went like this..."Oh my God! I'm doing to freaking die on this damn hill!" I forgot to wear my heart rate monitor, but I'm sure it was well over 140. I felt like my heart was going to jump right out of my chest because it was pounding so hard.

It's a gorgeous day of sunshine here in the Pacific Northwest so everyone was out and about, walking, running or bike riding. I was too damn proud to get off my stupid bike and push it uphill like I saw a lot of people doing. I gave it all I had and was able to get up every single hill and these weren't sissy…

I've never been so happy about a Friday

I really need this weekend. I need to be away from work for at least a couple days. It's stressing me out big time.

Next week I have to start the traveling again. It makes me laugh now that I thought this was going to be fun, flying off to exotic locations like Oakland and Dallas and Miami. Seriously, all I see is the inside of the airport and the hotel that's the closest to the airport. Usually it's the crew hotel, so it's not the fanciest hotel, but clean, safe and comfortable (like a Marriott or a Doubletree). So far the hotels have all had gyms, but my 12-hour work day plus travel isn't really conducive to me working out. Last time I was on the road for four days and only got in two workouts. My plan for next week is to allow myself a little more down time. I'm really too old for 12 and 14 hour work days. Maybe in my twenties, but not in my fifties.

This weekend I have a bike ride planned. I can hardly wait. There's a trail that's near our house and i…

Ouch! That one hurt.

I had an interesting comment left today on my post "confessions of the scale obsessed". It was left by "anonymous". I just read it after a very long day at work (I just got home and it's 10pm). The comment made me cry, in fact, I'm still crying over it. Perhaps I'm too sensitive to let an anonymous comment get to me like it did, but it really hurt my feelings. Apparently anonymous doesn't like me very much.

The comment said 1.) that I seem stressed out all the time and 2.) that I put other people down if they have different opinions than me and refer to those people as "them" and 3.) that I seem "kinda" hostile.

True, I am a bit stressed out. My work is out of control right now. There aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. That part didn't hurt. Although I think they were referring to my stress about my weight.

However, saying that I put people down cut me to the quick. I have honestly never meant to put anyo…

Confessions of the scale obsessed

Yesterday's post was me posting under the influence of my happy syrup (codeine cough medicine). If I'm really honest about my weight, I want to get to goal. I want to see that 135 number in my Weight Watcher weigh-in book. I want it so much that I can hardly stand it. I wish I wasn't so obsessed by that number, but I guess it is what it is.
I can't change how I feel. I read a lot of blogs yesterday about people not being obsessed by the scale. That they weren't going to weigh themselves anymore. It sounded like a good idea. Then I woke up this morning and thought what the hell was that about? I've weighed every day of my entire adult life. I'm not going to stop now, even if it does sounds like a good idea. Who was I kidding? 
So as much as I want to be like "them", the people that are free of the scale, I can't do it. I'm obsessed by the scale, whether I like it or not and I have no intention of changing.
Exercise: Great workout - 1 1/2 hours …

Happy days

For some reason, I felt happy today. Perhaps it's the Tussionex extended release (12 hours) cough syrup I've been taking for my bronchitis. If I don't take it, I sound like I've been smoking for the past 40 years and that I'm hacking up half a lung. If I do take it I have to pop a caffeine pill so I can keep my eyes open (and then they're very open). I've noticed it puts me in a very good mood. I call it my happy syrup (I could totally become addicted to codeine). 
Or it could be I heard from an old and very dear friend today. That always brightens my spirits, to know that someone I care about was thinking of me too. Or it could be the killer workout I had this morning, or the eight hours of sleep I got last night (love telecommuting days), or that I decided I'm not going to be overly concerned about my weight anymore.
I'm not saying I'm not going to work towards losing that last 20 pounds. I am saying I'm going to be more accepting of my body…

So much for that new plan

Taking pictures of my food was suppose to make me eat less. It worked until about 1:30am today when I woke up starving out of my mind and couldn't go back to sleep. Drat!

I got up and ate....34.5 freaking Points! Yes, I entered all the crap I ate into the online tracker. I had two ice cream cones with Dreyers Double Churned sugar-free vanilla (at least 2 cups), a chicken thigh and leg and a box of Kashi TLC brushetta crackers. Yes, I said a box, a brand new unopened box. Six servings at 130 calories/5 grams fat/3 grams of fiber...per serving. Which makes yesterday a 59 Point day. WTF?!

I don't know where that came from. I'm not depressed, and I certainly wasn't THAT hungry. It was mindless eating. I was totally out of control. It was a binge. Something I haven't done in months.

All I can do is get right back OP today and work my butt off at the gym. So much for the picture taking.

My new plan

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I have another new plan for getting to my goal weight, plan #9,898. I'm going to take pictures of my food and post them here. A lot of people are doing it these days. I'm just late getting to the party, plus, it seems like a lot of work. If it helps, I'm willing to do it.

Several months ago I read this is suppose to help you eat less, and I'm desperate for something to help me reach my seemingly unattainable goal of 135 by my 54th birthday on August 7 (I still can't believe I'm so freaking old!).

That's just 16 weeks from now, and I'm about 22 pounds from 135. That means I need to lose 1.4 pounds per week, which sounds totally doable. I've been stuck in the 155-160 range for several months and I'm getting sick and tired of writing about it and thinking about it. I just want to get to goal and start maintenance. I started maintenance about 22 pounds too early.

This past week I went back to my old routine of counting Points all day, then eating too m…

I want a divorce because you're fat.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday. A year ago his wife gave him an ultimatum, lose 100 pounds in a year or I'm leaving you. When he told me this last year I told him, oh, she doesn't mean it. She's just saying that because she loves you and wants you to get healthy. He told me then that she was serious.

It's been almost a year and she was indeed serious. It's been a year of hell for him. All physical contact cut off, even touching or kissing, until he lost weight. He's about 150 pounds overweight. He hasn't lost an ounce in the past year. My heart broke for him as he told me how hard he tried to lose weight, but that he didn't do well under pressure. His wife has found an apartment and is moving out with the kids (13 and 15). After 19 years of marriage, he says it's over.

I told another friend about this, that I just didn't understand how a wife could do this to her husband, an otherwise kind and gentle man. I was really surprised when he said …

My bubble burst

Too funny! My bubble burst today with an explosion. It came in the form of a computer virus that got into our system and on our servers. A self-propagating virus. Turns every machine into a spammer, then corrupts all the executables on the machine. Then the virus scanner sees the corrupted executables and deletes them. Then our software doesn't run. Then the world ends!

On top of all that, the virus scanners can't stop the virus because it's constantly re-inventing itself. Nice.The death penalty is too good for the person that came up with this one.

I somehow managed a 5 a.m. workout (after being up until midnight last night) before heading to work for an emergency tiger team meeting. I didn't wash my hair - first time ever after a workout, and I got tons of compliments on my how nice my hair looked today. Ewwww! If they only knew.

The rest of the day was a blur and tomorrow will be more of the same. So tired!

Oh yeah, and a presentation on Friday to the directors about m…

Nothing is broken today

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It's a very rare day in my life when I feel like all is well with me. When life feels good, and I'm just happy to be alive. Today is one of those days when all feels right in my world...my marriage and my job are in good places. I'm in control of my diet and exercise. I feel like smiling, for no apparent reason.

I'm back on my exercise routine after my crazy trip last week. I've had two good workouts the last two mornings. I even got hit on by a 20-something year old yesterday at the gym (I'm sure he needed glasses). He tried to race me on the elliptical and burn more calories than me. He lost. He talked to me afterwards, something that never happens to me at the gym. Then he asked me out. Seriously. I'm 53, he was maybe 26. I laughed, told him I was old enough to be his mama and that I was married. I told him I was flattered, but no thanks. It was weird, but in a good way.
My marriage has never been better. My husband has been exceptionally attentive and lov…

Saturday's Weighin

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I wanted this to be a postive post about my weight loss. But I looked at my weight loss chart at the Weight Watchers web site and got depressed about the whole thing. I mean, seriously, -1.4 average weekly weight loss during the past 60 weeks. It should be better. I know I'm being overly critical of myself, but I should be at goal by now. I can't figure out what's stopping me, other than me. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I don't really want to get to goal.



I hadn't weighed in since March 25, when I had gained 11.8 pounds. This is my loss for the past 18 days, not one week. So don't get too excited (although I did and was dancing around the room at Weight Watchers this morning).

Today's weight: 156.6

Pounds lost in last 18 days: -9.8

Pounds lost in last 424 days or
since 2/12/2008: -82.6

Am I happy? Yes, pretty happy. Could I be happier about my weight? Oh yes! Most definitely. I wish I weighed 135, my goal weight. That's another 21.6 pounds.

I'm happy I did…

Finally home again

The business trip
My two-day wonder trip turned into a four-day wonder trip. Station assessments have been completed on Miami and Dallas/Ft. Worth. WHEW!!!!!

Twelve and fifteen hour days just about broke me. My entire body is in protest today. Most of those hours were on my feet, running around the airport. Out to the gates, back to the counter, the back office, the gates...over and over.

I wouldn't call it fun, but it wasn't awful either. Maybe it was a little bit fun. I'm a lot more of a people person than I ever realized. The agents were a blessing, and extremely helpful, as were the managers too, and our contractors that handles our hardware and installs our software on the airport machines were great to work with. They all thought I was a big manager of something, when in reality I'm just a flunky doing a job that no one else wanted to do. I let them think I was important, that way they bent over backwards trying to help me.

Unfortunately a lot of the hardware that be…

Welcome to Stressville

Tuesday was a 15-hour day for work. I had a post about it, a long, rambling thing which I deleted, accidentally. I was deleting several old drafts of posts I had started but never completed. I got delete happy I guess. That was just one of many stupid things I did this week.

I locked my keys in my car - three freaking times in three days. Okay, so it's not really that big of a deal because it's a Nissan and if you lock your key fob thingie inside, it unlocks itself and beeps at you, indicating that you're an idiot.

Funny thing about that feature, I've never trusted it. I'm paranoid about making sure I have my keys with me when I lock the doors, which I do by pressing the button on the door. That stupid honking sound annoys me when you use the key fob. This week, running on very little sleep, majorly stressed out by work, I couldn't seem to focus on anything, much less if I had my keys on me when I locked the door.

This morning on my way to my workout, I drove righ…

On the road

A quick post before I head off to the airport. I read my post from last night. All I can say is what a whiny baby I can be at times.

I'm actually looking forward to today's trip. It'll be fun meeting new people and getting out of the office for the day. Airline employees are notorious for being a fun group of people to work with. It's something about the industry that attracts a certain kind of people. So in actuality, I know this is going to all be okay.

I'm not worried about the food. I'm more of a closet over eater anyway, if anything, this will be good for me. The exercise, I'll fit it in somehow. I'm taking my gym bag with me and hoping I'll have energy for a workout tonight before I come home. It all depends what I feel like after my 14-hour day.

Right now I'm more worried about the lines at security because I heard Mt. Redoubt blew again last night and flights going to Alaska were canceled again (over 300 flights canceled in the last week, n…