Showing posts from August, 2009

Day 3: It's not rocket science, but ...

American, 1898-1994
Erosion No. 2 - Mother Earth Laid Bare, 1936P Picture taken in Tulsa in the Philbrook Museum of art--no flash used. This was one of my favorite paintings in the museum. It has nothing to do with this post. I just like it (and she kind of looks like me).
In a nutshell, my "6-week , lose 10 pounds" plan so far:

Sunday, Day 2 - 29.5 Points (good since my limit is 29 with using the APs and weeklies). I purposely stayed out of the gym and went for a 45-minute walk with my husband.

Day 3 - 28 Points (if I don't eat another bite tonight and I think I can safely say I'm done eating for the day). I really struggled through my 90-minute workout this morning. It was like my feet were stuck in mud. I managed to burn 465 calories, but it was tough going all the way. Usually after five minutes I'm really into my workout. Not today. I wanted to go home and go to back to bed.

What I've learned so far:

Stopping binge eating, at least for the short …

Day 2 of my plan (and still excited!)

I'm still psyched about having a short-term goal. If you read yesterday's post, I have 6-week plan to reach 152 pounds. That's not my final goal weight, but it's a step in the right direction (final goal weight is still 135).

Yesterday was a near perfect day for eating and exercise. I know I can't be that perfect every day, but it's what I'm striving to attain on a fairly consistent basis.

My workout yesterday
10 minutes warmup on the elliptical
30 minutes on Sadie (StairMaster)

For my strength routine I do the pyramid sets, starting with the lighter weight, more reps, then higher weights with few reps. Below are the reps/weight for each set. I always do three sets of whatever exercise I'm performing, and on the last rep I go as heavy as I can handle for a minimum of eight reps. I read about this in the New Rules of Lifting for Women.

45 minutes lower body strength workout:
Leg extension 12/65 10/67.5 10/70
Seated leg curl 15/65 12/72.5 10/75
Prone leg curl 12/6…

I'm soooo excited!

My weighin today (this is NOT what I'm excited about):

Today's weight: 162.8

Gained: +0.8

Total Loss: -76.4

I gained 8/10 of a pound. That's not good, but not horrible either. I know why I gained, I ate too much food. Last week is history and now I have a plan.

My Weight Watcher Meeting Today

I love my leader, Janis. She's the absolute best leader I've ever seen (and I've seen quite a few in the last three years). It was just what I needed to get my diet mojo back. The meeting was about the Lose for Good campaign. It's where Weight Watchers donates up to $1 million to feed the hungry, based on how much weight their members lose.

The Lose for Good campaign starts tomorrow and lasts for six weeks, ending on October 10. Janis told us to set a goal of exactly what we wanted to weigh six weeks from now. She told us to write it in membership book next to today's weighin. I wrote 152.

At next weeks meeting we're suppose to bring in one item for the local food ban…

Slowing down but speeding up

Twice this week I drove past the gym on my way TO the gym. Another time this week instead of turning left onto the road to go TO the gym, I drove straight on the road that takes me to the freeway, which is the way to work. Each time I had to turn around and drive back to the gym.

Yesterday I was driving to work, on the freeway where the speed limit is 60 mph, and I was thinking about work. Traffic was light. I glanced down at the speedometer and it read 85 mph. I couldn't believe I was going that fast. I drive fast if I can, around 70, but 85! I immediately slowed down to a more reasonable 70 mph.

This is how people get in terrible accidents and either kill themselves or kill someone else. They get distracted, don't pay attention, and do really stupid things.

This is exactly how people gain all their weight back. The weight they fought so hard to lose. They get in a hurry. They don't put their health first. They're distracted. Everything and everyone is more important tha…

The insomnia

For about two weeks I've been waking up at about 3 a.m. (after going to bed around 10 or 11p.m.). It's like a switch is turned on in my head and I'm suddenly wide awake. I immediately start thinking of work, of all the things I need to do, and I can't go back to sleep.

I've tried all my tricks that I've used over the years to go back to sleep, but they're not working for me. I usually just give in to it and get up. Often writing down some of my work tasks, checking my work email, even sending work emails.

Around 4:30 a.m. I get dressed for the my workout and drag my tired butt to the gym, getting there around 5 a.m. My workouts are still pretty good, some mornings better than others, some mornings I can tell the lack of sleep is catching up with me because I'm just so tired.

I know how bad this is for me, but I seem powerless to stop it. Several years ago I read a book about stress and the effect it has on your body. Weight gain was only one of the issues,…

Work sucks

The title of this post says it all. Work sucks big time lately. No boring details, just know it really sucks to be me lately. I know I should be glad I have a job, but they're killing me. A slow and painful and tortuous death.

I skipped my morning workout because I had to be in the office at 6:30am to take a call from our vendor in Tulsa. I made up for it tonight with an hour and half workout. It was really nice not to worry about gym guy.

Big event of my evening was I ate tortilla chips in front of my husband. He bought them and left them on the counter. So I measured out two servings and ate them. He had the nerve to say, "you're not suppose to eat those". I told him "you're not suppose to bring them in the house! If they're here you know I'll eat them!" (and yes, the "!" was used in the conversation, at least on my part).

We watched Dr. Phil tonight, and I rarely watch him anymore (he kind of bugs me). Actually, I made my husband watch…


The binges
I'm going to stop talking so much about my binges. I've beaten that dead horse to death. Yes, I definitely have a problem with binge eating, but not every night, just some nights. Sometimes a few nights in a row and then I'm okay for a few nights. I don't know, maybe that's normal. What is normal anyway, does anyone even know?

I noticed the more I talked about the binge eating, the more obsessive I became about it. I still want to stop it, but the obsessing about it needs to stop first. I'm just making it worse by talking about it all the time.

Instead, I'll let you all know how it's going each week, if I've figured anything out. I'll share any tricks or tips on how to stop it, that is if I actually ever figure out how to stop it.

My food
Why does every social get together have to revolve around food? Last night it was sushi when I met up with two girlfriends to celebrate our August birthdays. We had a great time, but I ate about 15 pieces…

I blew it

I blew my 3-night binge-free streak. After a wonderful dinner of Asian Beef on skewers with Gremolata (I'll post the recipe later - it was fantastic), salad with Balsamic vinegar and olive oil dressing, and steamed Brussels sprouts (yes, I love them...I'm weird) at 5pm, I went crazy at 10pm.

I opened the freezer to have 1/2 cup sugar-free ice cream with strawberries leftover from dinner (not the fiber-filled snack I was suppose to have) and staring back at me were those evil Skinny Cow mint ice cream sandwiches. I ate all three that were left in the package. Since I figured I'd blown it anyway, I ate two Weight Watcher cookies and cream bars. I was still feeling hungry and had a bowl of Dan's Good Chili (Hungry Girl recipe but I add ground turkey and shredded broccoli to it), along with two Oroweat Sandwich Thins. I didn't calculate the Points.

I woke up with regrets, as I always do after a binge. It must be similar to how an alcoholic feels after falling off the wag…

Three binge-free nights in a row

I know I really shouldn't talk about this because I'm going to for sure jinx it, but last night was night number three without binging. For some bizarre reason that I can't quite grasp, I feel in control. I also have permission to have a fiber filled snack of my choice with a point value of up to five points. I know it sounds like a lot, but I think it's better than just eating with abandon.

My new rule is I have to measure whatever I'm eating for my nighttime snack and calculate the points, enter it online, then eat it. Then wait 20 minutes before I eat anything else.

Just knowing I have this option seems to give me some sort of freedom. I don't feel as restricted and forced to be hungry when I really want to eat. Of course, it's only been three nights, but lately, that's a record for me. Two of the nights I didn't even have a snack. It's so weird how this is working for me.

Last night instead of eating I went on a manic housecleaning frenzy until…

You are better than it (and today's weighin)

A picture taken at Chena Hot Springs, 60 miles outside of Faribanks. July 22, 2009. It has absolutely nothing to do with this post.

"Scientists say that body fat insulates, but we say that "it" covers our figure, making us appear flabby, weaker and less toned. It imprisons our body, depriving us of our self-esteem, confidence and energy. Be relentless; be who you really are. Deprive "it" of energy right back, increasing yours in the process. Force it to sweat and burn off the excess calories it needs to survive, grow, and imprison you. As body fat shrinks (atrophies), your freedom grows. Your real figure becomes more visible, as the curves and contours return to form. Your self-esteem and confidence, no longer held a prisoner in their own body, are free to breathe. You feel empowered and you project it."

I read this in the back of Shape magazine, in an ad for some sort of weight loss supplement. I normally don't even look at those ads, but the big lette…

Fat, ugly and stupid

I received an email yesterday that reminded me of something I've wanted to write about for a very long time. It was the sweetest and kindest email I've ever received from a reader of my blog.

S.R. wrote me that she reads a lot of blogs and had never written to a blogger before. She went on to say I was "stunning/gorgeous". Wow! That got my attention. No one ever says that about me!

Then she said something I know is so very true, "when I read your blog, I hear such a negative self-image at sad".

S.R. is right, I have a really bad self-image. I'm always criticizing myself, putting myself down, saying I'm fat and ugly and stupid. That I'm boring and uninteresting. Sadly, I believe most of these things.

The funny thing is I know why I'm like this. It's because of my mother. Now I had the most amazing mother you can possibly imagine. I was blessed with incredible parents. I won the lottery when it came to parents. I grew up being told…

21 years of marriage

It's really hard to buy an anniversary card for your husband when you're angry with him. Like, pretty much impossible.

Note to self: Let go of the anger.

About last night...

The bewitching hour came around 10pm and as usual, I lost all control. Another day down the tubes. Perfect all day, a great workout in the morning, healthy food in modest portions all day, then at 10pm I was stuffing my face with sugar-free ice cream (I must stop buying this stuff) and pecans (yes, on the ice cream).

Tonight was the same dance. My food of choice was Weight Watcher's 1-point caramel snack bars, about ten of them. They don't even taste that good.

What the hell is wrong with me?

There are a few things different in my life right now that are causing a ton of stress. My job is killing me. I'm angry about a work situation, and I just can't seem to let go of it. I'm struggling with a co-worker that I work very closely with on a daily basis. It's a long, tedious story but basically every day I'm trying to maintain my sanity (and as you can tell, I'm losing that battle).

If there was a way out, I'd take it. In this economy that's really not …

Hanging in there

I can't believe it's only Monday. How can that be? It was the longest day of my life! I wish tomorrow was Friday.

I'm hanging in there on eating healthy. So far, so good, but it's only 10pm. A lot of damage can happen in the next few hours, what I refer to as my bewitching hours.

My workout was great this morning, after I got past the first ten minutes of pure and utter torture. It always happens after I have a big heavy meal like Sunday night's Mexican Fiesta Platter, a full plate of every appetizer on the menu. My body screamed at me in agony when I started out my cardio. I don't know if it's the sodium or just my body punishing me for being bad to it, but it's always a tough go the next day.

I'm loving my new laptop. It's so cool. It's like a dream machine. Super fast, quiet, pretty. Although it doesn't make my blog any more interesting. :)

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda and +10 pounds

I could have been at goal by now. I would have been at goal if I'd stuck to my plan. I should be at goal. It's been eighteen months since I started at 240 pounds.

8/15/09 weigh-in: 164.6 lbs.

Gain since lowest weight on 2/19/09 (154.6): +10 lbs.

Loss since 2/19/08: -74.6 lbs.

I guess I do have a few regrets about the last couple of months, but what can I do except move forward. There's no looking back except to maybe learn from past mistakes.

The fact is that I have to constantly be on guard. I have to watch what I eat, and unfortunately, I have to always be a little bit hungry. It's a sad fact of my life but one I have to accept if I want to be at a healthy weight.

I rode my bike to Weight Watchers this morning and burned 398 calories roundtrip. Such an easy and fun way to get in my cardio. I absolutely love riding my bike. Makes me feel like a kid and doesn't feel like exercise at all.

I tried a different route home today on a side trail and found a prize. A huge patch … sweet!

No one ever nominates me for a blog award. Heck, I don't think hardly anyone even reads what I write. I'm not funny or witty like some of the bloggers out there. So many of you are talented writers with a great sense of humor and a wealth of information with great recipes and beautiful pictures. Me, well, I'm the first to admit it, I'm kind of boring.

So when I saw sweet Ida nominated me for a blog award, I was delightfully surprised. Me? Really? Someone actually reads what I write and likes it? Sometimes I practically fall asleep writing about my boring life. Thanks Ida! I really appreciate it.

The deal is I have to pick my 15 favorite bloggers that I love and give them the award. Then they have to do the same.

My first thought was, only 15? How can I narrow it to only 15? The funny thing is that most of these bloggers probably don't even realize I read their blogs every day. I don't comment as often as I want to, usually because I'm in a hurry. They've b…

Pizza? Really Diana?

That's what my husband said to me Wednesday night when I said I was ordering pizza. Yes, really! I had a hell of a day Wednesday at work. Number three "hell-of-a-day" this week. The stress peaked at a meeting where I practically yelled at a coworker and stomped out of the meeting. old am? Five? No, but I sure acted like it. I've never done anything like that in my life. Let's just say my fuse, which is rather long, finally ignited.

Driving home Wednesday night I was trying to decide to get drunk or eat myself silly. I decided on the eating myself silly. The main reason was because I had a plan to work out like crazy the next day to work off the pizza I was planning to eat. My workouts suck if I drink, plus, given a choice I'd always rather eat my calories rather than drink them.

I ordered the pizza online for the first time (and got 20% off, anything to save a buck). It was a very unfriendly website, kept kicking me off and deleting all my info. I hav…

After all, tomorrow is another day

I made it all the way until 8pm without eating anything off plan. Then I found it. The leftover seafood Alfredo my husband had carefully divided up into lunch-size portions and put in the bottom of the fridge, in the vegetable bin. I guess he thought I wouldn't look there.

I really thought I'd eaten the last of it on Sunday. I wondered why there was only a small portion left but thought my husband must have eaten the rest of it. He didn't, but now I have. There's nothing left. I ate all three portions. I'll probably have to explain that tomorrow.

I feel kind of sick now. Grossly overstuffed, nauseous.

My workout was great this morning, then I had a healthy breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. In about 15 minutes I ruined the entire day. Another day down the tubes. I wonder if I'll ever figure this out.

I guess there's always tomorrow.

Wake up Diana: you're killing yourself

I was going to title this post "Wake up America", but it's really me that needs a wake-up call. America will have to take care of herself.

While I was in Tulsa I noticed an unusually large portion of the population was extremely fat. Morbidly obese would be more accurate. I only make note of this because I could easily be in the category of morbidly obese. I have it in me to weigh well over 300 or even 400 pounds. My highest weight was 245 but I know myself well, and my love of food and lack of willpower could easily be the death of me. By the way, Oklahoma is the sixth fattest state, and it was pretty obvious there's a problem.

After I wrote my earlier post I finished off the Seafood Alfredo from yesterday and had a large piece of carrot cake with ice cream. I took another nap. I got up around 3pm and got dressed for the gym. I didn't want to go. I felt sluggish and tired. Every fiber of my being said "Just skip the gym today. You already blew it with what yo…

Home Sweet Home

I finally got home yesterday after getting stuck in Dallas on Friday. The flights were full so I celebrated my birthday at an airport Holiday Inn Express. Sucks to be me sometimes.

I was too tired to be sad about it, although it was the first birthday in my entire life that I spent alone. My coworker asked what was he, chopped liver? We had dinner at the Sheraton next door and toasted my birthday with diet coke. It was certainly not my most memorable birthday. It ranks right up there for worst birthday ever with when my entire family and my friends forgot my 16th birthday. That's a long story that I actually hadn't even thought about in years, until Friday.

It was an incredibly long week, but our software passed certification. Just barely, with a few tweaks that have to be made this week before it can be deployed, but it passed. I guess I still have a job.

Yesterday was a belated birthday celebration, starting with my husband meeting me at the airport with roses. That was sweet …

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Today is my birthday. I'm officially 54 years old. For months I've been saying I'm almost 54 so it doesn't feel like a big shock.

I don't feel like I'm 54. I feel like I did in my twenties, maybe even better now because I didn't exercise much in my early twenties. Back then I was always doing crash diets, trying to lose 10-20 pounds. My goal weight was 125 (I'm 5' 6" and the closest I got to that goal was 127 in my 40's, not realistic). I was kind of an idiot about health. I really wanted to be skinny, not healthy.

I definitely feel smarter about a lot of things in life, and I'm not as shy as when I was younger. I believe in a healthy lifestyle instead of focusing on being skinny. Overall I'm a much happier person now that I was in my twenties. Of course, I didn't appreciate my youth, but then, who does?

I'm still in Tulsa, hopefully heading home tonight. It's been an intensely stressful week. I went to the gym last nigh…

Yikes! 168 pounds!

I weighed myself at the gym this morning. I was 168! I almost died. I haven't seen that number in several months. I was wearing my gym shoes, had drank three cups of coffee and some water, but still, that's absolutely horrible.

If you read my post earlier this morning you know what happened. It's too much of a good thing. Eating out.

That weight on the scale shocked me into reality. I can't eat out every day or if I do, I have to really gain control. Eat half or less, don't take leftovers back to the room (I have a fridge and microwave), and work out harder.

After my little weigh-in freakout I decided I had to go to a spinning class for maximum burn. It was a killer class. In 45 minutes I burned 487 calories. I did weights for 40 minutes for another 200 calories. Total burned this morning was 687 calories.

I also haven't been drinking water this week because where I'm working has the women's bathroom on the other side of the security door which means I need…

Too much of a good thing

I've eaten out five times in the last two days. The food in Tulsa is amazing. According to the guys we're working with, Tulsa is known for it's fine dining. Tulsa? Really? Yes, really.

We went to the best Chinese buffet I've ever seen in my life. Baked salmon, huge prawns, in addition to every yummy Chinese dish you can imagine. It was truly incredible. Then there was the Mexican restaurant with Cerviche to die for in a huge martini glass, then the actual dinner of Mahi Mahi with some corn muffin thing from heaven. A sandwich shop with made to order sandwiches that had an out-of-this-world chicken and pesto sandwich (with non-fat mayo of course). Joe's Crab Shack with melt in your mouth crab cakes. The portions at every restaurant were HUGE.

Last night I just couldn't do it anymore. I've been eating as healthy as I can, baked or grilled, no sauces if possible, fish and veggies whenever I can, but I'm eating too much. Although we hit the gym Monday and Tue…

I'm lovin' me some Tulsa

Life is really what you make it. When I was here for work eight years ago I hated Tulsa. I said I never wanted to come back to this little piece of hell.

Things have changed. Actually, what's really changed is me. When I was here in 2001 I was over 100 pounds overweight. The heat made me miserable. Worse than the heat was that I hated being in a lab all day with young, really smart guys. They made me feel old and ugly and stupid. Every night I'd go back to my hotel room and dread the next day. I'd drive to fast food places and buying two or three hamburgers and then drive to a grocery store and stock up on cookies and candy.

This visit couldn't be more different than my 2001 visit. I'm actually having fun. I'm enjoying working with the young guys, talking to them and getting to know them as we work towards getting our software certified.

I'm much more outgoing this time. Last time I didn't even try to talk to any of them. I just wanted to crawl in a hole a…

Tulsa baby!

Okay, so Tulsa isn't quite the same as Las Vegas. It's Sunday at 10:30 a.m.and we're finally here.

Yesterday was a whirlwind with a four-hour hotel stay in Dallas during our seven hour layover. I've had a total of five hours of sleep the last two nights. I'm definitely running on adrenaline right now (and coffee, lots of coffee). I'm suppose to be napping, but I can't sleep (maybe it was the coffee?).

Like an idiot I checked my carry on bag and my suitcase, so I basically have nothing but my laptop and my purse. Luckily the Woodland-Hills mall is right across the street. If my bags don't come I'm going shopping. We checked in a full hour before our flight and then it was delayed a half hour. I'm not sure what happened to my bags but hopefully they'll be in on the next flight at 2:30pm.

Staying good on the food. Not hard to do when I didn't bring any food and I'm traveling with a guy that really watches his weight and works out a lot. He…

Life goes on

Thank you for all your very kind comments yesterday. I really appreciated it during my little breakdown. I agree with everything you said. I've come a long way in the past 18 months, and I'm much happier now than I was when I started this journey.

I still struggle with food at times, and sometimes it seems unbearable. Yesterday was one of those times.

Today I feel better, stronger, like I can handle this. It's okay, life will go on. I won't gain back everything (one of my greatest fears), and I will get to goal. Eventually.

Speaking of life...

It's 3 a.m. Saturday, and I can't sleep. I have a million things to do before I leave for Tulsa this afternoon, and I can't shut my brain off. I slept about three hours last night.

Yesterday was frantic to say the least. There was one emergency after another with our Tulsa vendor. The trip was on, the trip was off, the trip was on again, off again, and finally it was decided we're going regardless if things are perfect…