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Showing posts from 2010

A Christmas Wish

As I was standing in a very long, slow-moving line at at Macy's this morning (one LAST gift for hubby), I started thinking about this blog. I realized it's the thing that has basically kept me accountable for the last three years. It's the one thing that has made a huge difference in my weight loss and in my life.

Even though I'm not at goal yet (2011 will be MY year), I didn't gain anything this year. That alone is a small miracle. I've been blogging for three years and this is the first time in my entire life that I've consistently attempted to lose weight for that long of a period AND stuck to a regular exercise routine. My follow through on most things in life is usually poor, especially weight loss and exercise.

Then I realized I wouldn't be posting anything until next year since I'll be in Fairbanks all next week. I don't usually post or read blogs when I'm with my family. This was my last chance to say anything in 2010.

So, to anyone…

Christmas Eve Day ramblings

Failure
I failed miserably last night with the late night eating. It was all healthy foods, grapes, chicken breasts, persimmons. Even though these foods are healthy and good for me, they still contain calories and put me way over on my limits for Points and calories (about 500 calories).

I mentioned yesterday how I felt really hungry. Dawn left a kind comment that she never felt hungry while losing her 160 pounds. If she was hungry, she ate something. When she speaks, I listen. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to find my off switch yesterday. Sometimes I don't know if it's really hunger or boredom. I wish I could tell the difference. Lately, I'm very out of tune with my body signals. I'm working on it, but it's definitely a challenge.

FedEx and other Christmas adventures
Yesterday was a very late day to the gym because I was waiting most of the day for a FedEx delivery of Christmas present (and one I didn't want to leave sitting outside all day). I knew it wa…

What is this feeling in the pit of my stomach....hunger?

The last two days I've really cut back on my food intake. It's not like I'm starving myself. I'm just eating smaller portions, and I cut out all the fake ice cream (again!). Fake ice cream being Weight Watchers ice cream bars, sugar-free crap and of course, Skinny Cows (and there's nothing "skinny" about those things for me since I can't eat just one).

With the rush of the holiday, it's been easy to skip meals. It's also been stupid and not really on purpose. It just happened that I missed lunch two days in a row these last two days, and I didn't make up for it with late night eating. I know, that's a real shocker.

As a result of actually feeling hungry, I tossed and turned most of last night, but I refused to give in to getting up for a snack at 2 a.m. I'm trying to break that habit (again!) to stop eating in the middle of the night. One innocent snack can turned into a five-course meal with dessert, and totally ruin a perfect da…

God watches out for fools

My girlfriend says this a lot, that God watches out for fools, referring to herself when she does something really stupid. Today, I was a fool.

I did something so stupid I hesitated to even write about it. I didn't even tell my husband (and I'm not going to). It did wake me up and make me realize I really need to pay more attention to my actions.

I had one last trip to the mall today, for two gifts I didn't get on Tuesday (because the crowds were making me insane). My plan for the day was the gym this morning, then home and a shower before heading off to the mall for shopping and home before 2 p.m.

I had to call my niece this morning to let her know what time I'll be arriving in Fairbanks on Sunday. I love my niece. She's funny, witty, and loves to talk. As I sat in my car in the gym parking lot for an hour talking to her, I realized it was 9:30 a.m. I thought it best to head off to the mall and go to the gym later (and I did make it there this afternoon). Otherwis…

So much happier today!

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Yesterday was not my best day. I'm normally a pretty happy person. Even if I get down and depressed, I usually get over it pretty fast. Yesterday was not normal.

Today I woke up in a happy mood. Even after finding the still undecorated tree, with the exception of lights and the angel topper, laying on it's side on the floor. The angel was pulled off the top and being used as a kitten chew toy. Have I mentioned we have two six-month old kittens and the world is their oyster? If it's not nailed down (well, even it it is), it's their play thing. One of them even had some of the feathers from the angel's wings stuck in her whiskers. I couldn't help but laugh. This certainly isn't a Martha Stewart home.

I'm also thrilled I got my hair back to it's original state today. After three hours with my colorist and hair stylist, I look normal again. In the downer post that I deleted yesterday I mentioned I went to my best friend's niece, a hair stylist, to …

Found it!

Found the joy!

First, I'm really sorry about that awful post I wrote earlier today. I'm not sure where that came from or why I was so angry. I just re-read it and deleted it. Hopefully not too many people read it.

After I put up the Christmas tree, sans decorations (my husband will help with that tonight), I decided to go Christmas shopping. After visiting the mall and two other stores, I came home empty handed. The stores are packed with shoppers. The lines were incredibly long, so I gave up, not one single gift was purchased. I had a few in my hands but when I saw the lines, I knew it could wait.

As I was driving home, listening to Silent Night being sung by Bing Crosby on the radio it occurred to me, what is all the fuss about? Why am I all stressed out? I'm not Martha Stewart, and I'm not going to have the perfectly decorated tree. The relatives in other states aren't going to get their gifts on time and they probably aren't going to get the perfect gift f…

Returning to the land of the living

The past week
It was a very bad week. My cold that started on Monday knocked me flat for almost six days. I basically became a bed person. I was living on NyQuil, and totally not paying attention to what I was eating.

Of course, I didn't see the inside of the gym or any form of exercise the entire time. Six days of no exercise. That's the longest I've gone in almost three years without getting some form of exercise.

I also had major issues with drinking water. My throat was so sore that swallowing was extremely painful. The only beverage I could drink without discomfort was hot tea.

A new week
This morning I woke up and was able to breathe, my sinus headache was gone, and my sore throat is only sore from coughing, a huge improvement. And when I cough, it doesn't feel like chunks of my lungs are being ripped out. I feel human and normal and alive. It is a wonderful feeling.

The damage from six days of not paying attention to what I was eating:  a five-pound gain. From…

Down with a cold...Merry Christmas to me

I've had a sore throat for four days, with a few sneezes here and there, so I thought maybe it was an allergy to something. Well, it turns out I was coming down with a nasty cold. Today I have it full force and it is not fun.

Maybe that's why I've been so tired these last few days. Yesterday I forced myself to clean the house, top to bottom, to prepare for putting up the Christmas decorations. It was a miserable day. Between coughing and sneezing I managed to get the hardwood floors sparkling, all the clutter cleared away to make room for Christmas clutter, then by 7pm I literally fell into bed. I was exhausted.

There's still not a single Christmas decoration up, instead we have bare spaces everywhere. It sort of looks like no one lives here. I kind of like that look.

I was super annoyed last night when I discovered we were out of NyQuil. Not totally out, there was about a teaspoon left in the bottle. Then I remembered my husband had a bad cold a few months ago and l…

24 Days

I'm on vacation from work, 24 glorious days. Days of doing what I want, when I want and how I want. Twenty four days of having total control of my life. I could get use to living like this.

I don't have any plans for this time, just time at home, relaxing, taking it easy. Some of my coworkers consider this a waste of vacation time. I consider it something I really needed for myself. Some quiet time .

The problem is that I feel like I'm wasting time. I'm four days into my vacation and although I'm loving doing nothing, I still have things I need to do, and for some reason, I'm not doing them.

Christmas shopping, Christmas cards and decorating the house are at the top of my list. Yet each day I tell myself I don't feel like it today, maybe tomorrow. My husband says it's post-traumatic stress from months of long hours at work, and that I'm tired from trying to meet what seemed like impossible deadlines. He keeps telling me I deserve a break.

Maybe he&…

Saturday's weighin and a fear of stairs

Saturday, December 10, 2010 Weigh-in: 177.8

Loss for the week:  -0.8

Total loss since 2/9/2008:  -61.4

I'm not very happy with myself about such a minor loss, but at least it's a loss. I'm still on track for my goal of losing an average of 1.5 pounds per week. I lost 2.2 pounds the previous week, and with this .8 that's three pounds in two weeks. Not the numbers I want, but the numbers I earned (through lack of discipline).

Even though I vowed to stop eating what Helen refers to "Franken Food" (love that phrase), I somehow managed to eat an entire package of Skinny Cows at FOUR Points each. In one day! That was just one incident that led to such a small weight loss. I had a few others.

It's a new day, a new week, new plan. This week will be better. I promise!

The Big Climb
I'm starting to realize what I got myself into by agreeing to do the Big Climb, 69 flights of stairs at the Columbia Center in Seattle on March 20, 2011. I watched some videos on You…

Some things work, some don't...this one didn't

Askfirmation versus Affirmation? Well, it was a swell idea, but it didn't work for me this morning. In fact, it had the reverse desired effect.

I woke up at my usual 4:40 a.m. intending to get up and get to the gym by 5 a.m. Instead of my normal self-talk of "get up, get going and just don't think about it", I had a debate with myself.

I thought about how I didn't have to go workout, that I could think about it, and asked myself "when would I work out today?" After falling back to sleep and waking up at 5:30 a.m., I thought about it some more. The bottom line, I made it to the gym by 6:20 a.m. This is unacceptable.

If you think I'm being too hard on myself, trust me, it's really easy for me to fall back into old, bad habits. Although I've been exercising consistently for three years, it doesn't take much to convince me it's not a necessity. I'm easily swayed. Look Diana, shiny object!

Exercise is a necessity for me. It's the…

Affirmations or Askfirmations?

I've been reading a lot about stair climbing in the last 48 hours, since I decided to do The Big Climb March 20, 2011. Setting this as a goal, with a weight loss goal of 20 pounds by the time of event seems to have really motivated me. When I want to eat something not on plan, I think about climbing those stairs (like those chocolate truffles someone brought in to work today).

It turns out stair climbing is quite a competitive sport. Who knew? I certainly had no idea.

During my research on how to train (the StairMaster alone isn't go to be anywhere near enough - I have to do real stairs), I came across a very interesting article.

The article is Which is Better: Affirmations or “Askfirmations?” by PJ Glassey, but this is the excerpt that really caught my attention:
Is there a better way?


I am always on the hunt to reduce the need for willpower, because I firmly believe that achieving true fitness doesn’t have to be a battle. This is why I was so excited to read the research stud…

More about Weight Watchers PointsPlus

I know this is only Day Two of me following the new PointsPlus Weight Watchers plan, but I'm totally in love with it. It makes so much more sense than the old plan.

Counting calories works for losing weight. Eat less, move more. Of course it works. With the old Weight Watcher plan there were ways to "cheat". I had been doing it for so long that I figured out how to stretch my Points (but this also increased my empty calories). The problem was I would sometimes (probably too often) choose foods that weren't as healthy because  they were lower in Points than a more healthy version of that food. Well, Weight Watchers fixed this problem. Foods that are fake are no longer the better choice because of lower Points.

A perfect example are the Oroweat Sandwich Thins* versus Dave's Killer Bread** (check out the ingredients for both at the end of this post). Two slices of paper thin fake bread, the sandwich thins, were one Point on the old plan. Dave's Killer Bread, 21…

Post cherry cobbler weighin, Weight Watcher love, the Big Climb

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Post cherry cobbler weighin
I seriously think I have mental issues. How else would you explain my bipolar weight loss attempts?

One day I'm 100% on track, nothing can derail me. I am PERFECT.

Then the next day, I'm once again 100% on track. I'm so proud of myself, I'm superwoman. Nothing will make me go off my diet.

Then that same day the clock strikes 11pm, and I, the person who claims to desperately want to lose weight, decides to whip up a cherry cobbler. Not only did I make a cherry cobbler, I ate the WHOLE THING. I wish I could say it tasted horrible, and it made me sick. I can't. It tasted wonderful, and I didn't get one bit sick. A massive influx of sugar, and I slept like a baby.

I woke up this morning with my first thought, "I have to weigh in today. What in the hell was I thinking last night?!" Mental illness is the only conclusion I can some to. There simply is no other explanation.

I almost blew off Weight watchers today, but I was so e…

Day 5, I wish it was always this easy

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I wish I knew the secret of my success...on days like today.

There are days when I have the super willpower, where I feel like nothing can lead me astray. I love those days. They have been few and far between these past several weeks. For some unknown reason today has been one of my good days. It's after 11 p.m. and by my standards, I've been "perfect" today.

Vitamins ✓

Water ✓

Exercise (1.5 hours strenuous) ✓

Tracked my food online with eTools ✓

Stayed within my Point limit ✓

Could I have done a better job? Of course I could have, there's always room for improvement. Perhaps I shouldn't have had that cup of non-fat Reddi Wip on my yogurt and raspberries tonight. When I looked it up in eTools it said one cup is one Point. By the way, that's really how you spell it..."wip".

It felt decadent to have that fake whip cream squirted into a cup, then piled on top of my low-fat vanilla yogurt and frozen raspberries. It was a little taste of heaven. It …

Day 4, new day, new attitude

I got home from work last night at 11:30pm. I sat in my car and cried before I came in the house. I do that when I'm mentally and physically past exhaustion. I cry. I couldn't remember the last time I cried. It's been a while. The last time was probably over work too. Seems like it always is about work.

I left my phone on my desk last night. I woke up at 4:40am, which is when my phone alarm usually goes off. I thought, well, it'll go off any minute so I should just get up and go to the gym. After only three hours of sleep I rolled over and fell back asleep. The next time I look at the clock it was almost 7am. My husband had left for work, and I didn't hear a thing (and he didn't wake me up!).

My first thought was "Oh shit! Dave is going to be furious at me." Dave is a guy that sits on the other side of the wall of my cubicle. He comes in at 5:30am and I don't usually get in until 9am. The last time this happened he had to listen to the alarm for …

Day three and a really quick post

I'm just getting ready to leave work (10:23pm--longest day ever!). My work life really sucks lately. I spent three days of my four-day weekend working. To say I'm sick and tired of work is an understatement. I had a three-week vacation scheduled starting December 10, but that's been delayed until December 15. I guess at least I have a job (somehow, that doesn't really help make me feel better right now).

Today was suppose to be our Rope Challenge Course team building event in Mt. Vernon. We got rained out. What a surprise, rain in the Pacific Northwest in late November. Instead we did a tour of the Everett Boeing factory. It was interesting for about ten minutes then I wanted to go back to the bus and sleep. Big airplane pieces being assembled. Big yawn. The only factoid I remember is that it's the biggest building in the world, and they build 747's. I work for an airline so I guess this tour should have thrilled me. It didn't. They didn't even allow ca…

One day down, 364 more to go

Yesterday was a pretty good food day. It was the first time in weeks that I didn't have a crazy late night binge. My binges these days aren't anything like they were three years ago when I weighed 240 pounds. I use to eat bags of candy, chips, cookies or whole cakes or pies, all in one sitting. I gave the word gluttony new meaning.

These days a binge is an extra chicken breast or a bag of light popcorn or a couple Weight Watcher ice cream bars. Or maybe all of that plus some, but all healthy foods (except the WW ice cream bars that are really junk food in disguise).

I still consider these binges, just a more healthy version of a binge. Last night I ate two WW ice cream bars and a piece of turkey breast (probably six ounces). It put me over my 22 Points (my 180 weight gives me an extra Point). Still, this is considerably less than I've been eating late at night these past weeks, hence the 6-pound gain in three weeks.

Even with an hour of cardio yesterday that was too much…

My weighin and feeling more positive

After my pathetic post earlier today about considering myself an epic failure in the weight loss arena, I almost blew off my Weight Watcher meeting. I was feeling like why should I even bother, I can't do this anymore. I'm sick and tired of trying and failing over and over.

I couldn't help thinking it doesn't do any good to go to the meetings anyway. I go, I listen, then I chose to ignore the advice. Thankfully I ignored my stupid girl voice and went to my meeting.

What was really cool about the meeting was our leader's excitement about the new program. She told us she wanted us to consider today the last day of our Weight Watcher year. This year was past and a new year was starting this week with the new ProPoints program and all new materials. She even played Auld Lang Syne at the end of the meeting and told us we had to hug each other (yes, the meetings are often a little touchy-feely, but they're fun).

After the meeting I sat in my car and looked at my w…

Weight Watchers told me I'm new...maybe they're right

I tired to change my Weight Watcher payment information last night. This morning their website said I wasn't a member any longer. After being on the phone with them for twenty minutes I'm reinstated, but as a new member.

Well, sort of a new member. I had to re-enter all my personal information and set up a new password, just like I was a new member. Luckily it still had my old weight chart information back to February 2008 when I joined the first time, but it had my current weight as 185. Funny how that 185 number popped in there for today. I didn't enter it, maybe the guy on the phone did it (he didn't ask me my weight, maybe he just figured I'd gained 10 pounds since my last weighin). I haven't weighed 185 since June 2008.

In a way, I'm a little embarrassed that I've been in Weight Watchers for almost three years, and I'm still not at my goal weight of 135. Seriously, three years is a long time to spend trying to do something that should have on…

Black Friday - Part 2

If posting once a day is good for me, posting twice must be really good for me.

I went to the gym this afternoon and had all sorts of weird technical problems. First, I forgot my iPod, which I've only done twice in three years. I almost turned around and went home, instead I suffered through my workout. Without music it was pretty miserable. The gym music is horrible. I like really fast-paced, high volume music. The gym music was turned down really low and it sounded like elevator music. Really bad.

Then my Polar heart monitor went all wonky on me, telling me pulse was 58 when I thought I was dying and my heart was going to explode. Then it was 154 when I was barely moving. It does this every few months and then it'll be fine the next day. Annoying.

After 30 grueling minutes on the treadmill I thought I'd do another 20 minutes cardio on an elliptical. Unfortunately I picked an elliptical that had problems. It would only allow a maximum of a 10-minute workout. I could have…

Black Friday in more ways than one

I stepped on the scale this morning expecting the worse. I haven't weighed since Sunday when I was 175.6. Today, I was 181.6. Six pounds in five days. Who does that? Well, me, that's who. I've easily gained ten pounds in a week without even trying. I'm some sort of freak of nature and if I was on a deserted island I'm pretty sure I'd survive longer than anyone because of my body's unique way of holding on to calories.

180 is my freakout weight. Someone once asked me if there's a weight that scares me into sanity. 180 is that weight. The reason is because at 180 my size 12 clothes are tight. At 185 my face changes. I've seen it happen. I normally have a long, slim face, but at 185 it starts to noticeably change. Of course it changes before that, gradually, where I hardly notice it, but at 185 it's like wow, who is that woman in the mirror.

A word about Marie Callendar's pies. First, I made two pumpkin pies, one using a Weight Watcher recipe…

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

It's 16 degrees right now, which for Seattle is really COLD!

I was out the door this morning at 5:30am headed for the gym (it was 20 degrees). I got to the end of our street, turned around and came home. Even though I grew up in Alaska and know how to drive in snow and ice, I don't have studded snow tires or 4-wheel drive. I decided only a fool would risk their life just to go work out.

I worked from home today because the roads were horrible so I went to the gym on my lunch. Not my best workout because I was rushed, but at least I went in spite of the roads. I increased all my weights by an extra five pounds. Even my concentrated bicep curls, I used a 25-pound dumbbell on the last set of 8. It wasn't as painful as I expected but I'm a little sore. I'm trying to amp up my strength training a little. I've been doing the same size of weights for too long, it's time to bump them up a little.

Not much else going on except that. I'm completely stressed out …

The week in review

Every day I think of something I want to post about, then every day I'm too exhausted to post. Today I'll give you the highlights of my week, and hopefully get back to regular scheduled programming tomorrow.

The weighin
My weighin wasn't great - 175.6. Up 0.6 pounds. This seems to be my destiny, and I don't like it one little bit. I'm super perfect on plan for two days and then totally blow it the next day. Wash, rinse and repeat.

What went wrong
Thursday it was a loaf of my most favorite bread. It's store bought, but perfect bread. Dave's Killer Seed Bread from Portland, OR. I love this stuff. It's very healthy, all organic and full of good stuff...but it's high in calories when you eat several slices with light Smart Balance and a drizzle of honey. I didn't eat the entire loaf, but I made a good dent in it. I don't buy it because I know I'm weak when it comes to bread. My husband (darn him anyway) brought it home from Costco. Same with …

The return of hunger

This morning I decided today is really a new beginning, square one, of me on a diet. Yes folks, it's a diet. You may call it a lifestyle change, but to me it is and always will be a diet when I try to lose weight. Lifestyle change sounds pretty and easy and sort of fun...lifestyle, nice word. Diet, on the other hand, has all sorts of negative connotations. Hunger, discomfort, frustration, anxiety, misery, a challenge. I suppose that sounds a bit negative, but I'm just calling it like it is. If it was so darn easy as some people would like us to think then we would all be skinny.

I worked out like a maniac this morning, 30 minutes on the StairMaster and 40 minutes of upper body weights. I pushed myself hard on the weights but I'm not sore yet. I was hoping for some triceps soreness with the 25-pound dumbell tricep presses. Maybe tomorrow. I define a good workout with a touch of soreness now and then, especially when I push myself like today.

My food had been good, with ever…

A walk down memory lane

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I'm typing this from my 1998 Dell desktop computer, Windows 2000. My beautiful, less than a year old Toshiba laptop hasn't been playing nice with my 23" monitor. I even bought a new monitor and new $40 HDMI cable for it, both big monitors are still red flashing lines at me. The laptop monitor is fine. I finally caved and asked my husband, the computer geek guy, to look at it. Something about the HDMI port on the laptop. Needs to be repaired. I have to take it in to the computer guys to be fixed. Bummer.

Since I can't live without a computer with a big monitor (for work stuff), I thought I'd turn on my old faithful 12-year old Dell. I hadn't really used it since my first laptop in 2004. Amazingly it booted up, connected to the internet and works with the new monitor. The grinding sound the hard drive keeps making is annoying me, but it works. Gotta love old technology.

I was looking at all the old files that I never bothered to transfer over to my laptops. App…