Monday, January 25, 2010

A funny thing happened on my way to writing this post

I've been taking a break from my blog, stepping back and trying to figure out what is wrong with me.

As I do with most things in my life, I was over-analyzing my binging problem. To the point where I was becoming obsessed by it.

I was posting the same thing every day. I binged, I didn't binge, I wanted to binge, I need to stop binging, I don't know how to stop binging, what is wrong with me?! Over and over I repeated the same words. If I didn't actually post them, they were running through my head.

Then I'd talk a good talk: "I can do this!" "I'm going to do this!" "This will work!"

When truthfully, I'd fallen and couldn't get up. None of my grand schemes worked on me. The more I worried about it, the worse it became.

I had all sorts of theories about the reasons for my binging: my husband doesn't love me enough, my father died when I was 12, I was spoiled by my mother to make up for not having a father, I was use to getting what I wanted, my job is stressful. Or my personal favorite, I have some sort of mental disease, and I'm addicted to food.

I've been mucking about for the last few days, trying to figure out my problem, when this post by a very courageous lady named Velda popped up:

The Climb and Sometimes the Fall, My story of lung cancer that's gone to my head.

I read Velda's post, along with the last few posts that I'd missed.

Then I thought to myself, what the hell am I complaining about? Honest to God, I don't know anymore.

16 comments:

coco@NFL Draft said...

I think u r so tired and suggest u should ask for leave and relax for several days.Best wishes!

Natalia said...

Either way, and no matter what you decide, you're an encouraging person and I know you can conquer all your problems.

Krista said...

Call me crazy..but I knew there was a reason why I felt like we had ALOT in common....check out this post from Nov 30

http://kristaskraziness.blogspot.com/2009/11/roadblocks-realizations.html

I'm very pround to say that Velda is a friend of mine!

Just puts a lot into perspective doesn't it??

Try not to be too hard on yourself darlin!!

Roxie said...

Sometimes when I get like this, I have to try to focus on the things that need doing, rather than the things I cannot have. If I get too focused on deprivation or kicking myself in the butt for this transgression or that one, I end up totally derailing. I don't know what it is about my makeup, but that's what happens. So I try to focus on doing good and loving things for myself until things get back to my "normal".

Hugs to you, D. Take it easy on yourself. If berating ourselves worked, we'd all look like pixie-stix.

Helen said...

OK first Bogota Blackberry and now this. I am currently DRIVING. MYSELF. CRAZY. I can't even begin to put into words what is bothering me. Yesterday I ate way too much and made. myself. crazy. trying to figure out why I did it. Sometimes I think I just need to cut the crap and eat less and exercise more and stop being so mental about it all.

Lisa "One Mom's Weight Loss" said...

I seriously hate the way I focus on food all the time when there are people dying from cancer, having amputated limbs in Haiti, and living in extreme poverty. It's ridiculous...yet it's there. Food. Weight. Binge. Scales.

Carrieheff said...

So true. We get so caught up in our "problems" that when we hear of what other people struggle with we realize our problems aren't as big as we initially thought.
So, how do you use that knowledge to stop doing what you are doing? If you find out, let me know because I will realize that my problems aren't as bad as I thought and then the next day my mind will be creeping back there, thinking about them again. I can't stop!!!

Kyle Gershman said...

I think that there are many possible sensible root causes for binge behavior and you listed some good examples. I think understanding the root is important, but most importantly is to comit to yourself that you have control over your actions. I consider myself a food addict, but I also consider myself for controlling those feelings that may periodically flare up.

I simply don't subscribe to the notion that my food addiction has such a complete hold that I'm powerless to control it.

Since I have been weight loss focused, I have a new addicition, losing weight. I have been successful at staying to strict plan and avoiding any temptations.

That is my commitment to control.

Tricia said...

Nothings better than a wake up call, right? :)

Patsy said...

There will always be people who are far worse off than ourselves. However, that doesn't make any of our own problems less significant...

Hope you feel better soon...

bbubblyb said...

I have said this before and I really believe it's a huge problem for a lot of over weight people, anxiety and depression. I think those 2 things control my actions 9 times out of 10 when it comes to food or other things in my life that seem out of control. I've learned to manage myself pretty well but even after all this time (30+ months) I still struggle with myself sometimes. I'm not sure what will give us peace but I do think reflecting on what is really important in our lives does help. Being grateful too. Hang in there Diana I know you'll get through this time just like you always do and know I'm here if you need to talk. *hugs*

Linda said...

I'm sorry to hear the bluesy feelings have returned. You seemed to be doing well with the binge eating. I remember several posts where you fought the feeling and won! It was planning for the feeling and having a snack ready.
Focus on the positive. You have accomplished so much.

antgirl said...

it was like my friend's eye troubles slappin me in the face. I get what you mean.

Is there some way to distract yourself when you start obsessing on the bingeing? Like go read a book or learn to paint or something?

Amy said...

very good point! Move forward everyday... or as close to that direction as we can get! :-)

Ida said...

Well, there comes a time when one must quit talking about it, and just do it. I hope you get it all figured out soon, you are too great a person to beat yourself up over all the things that life has dealt you. We all have successes and failures, and we all have things in our life that didn't turn out the way we wanted. Good luck

Kelly! said...

i agree with taking some days off, relaxing,and thinking straight. you deserve so much and you just need to figure things out. see if you can get some vacation time!

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