Tuesday, January 26, 2010

It's all about the attitude

Yesterday I posted about my binging, how I obsess over it. I also mentioned how Velda's post put my problems in perspective.

What really stands out about Velda isn't the fact that her problem is worse than my problem, it's her attitude. Even though her prognosis is grim (4 to 6 months to live), she is still positive and upbeat about her life. She's fighting as hard as she can to live her life to the fullest. She has hope that just maybe she'll beat the odds.

It really is all about our attitude. None of the weight loss experts can help us if we have a bad attitude. If we constantly tell ourselves we're going to fail at losing weight and maintaining the loss, we'll be right.

That's exactly where I've been for the last few weeks. I was feeling like this was just impossible. My binging was getting the best of me.

When I got home last night I decided I wasn't going to obsess about my binging anymore. I had to let go of that thought process. If it happened, it wasn't going to be the end of the world. So I eat late at night, so what? It might mean I won't lose weight, but again, so what?

Last night I talked with my husband. I confessed my late night eating. He had no idea, which kind of surprised me. I told him it was a serious problem, and I didn't know how to fix it. Just sharing it with him was a relief. It's funny how I can tell complete strangers I'm a freak, but I struggle telling my own husband.

We didn't argue, he didn't say I was a bad person or crazy, and he wasn't judgmental. He was kind and understanding. He's never had a real weight issue himself, although he is currently 50 pounds overweight (and he hates it). He knows how hard I struggle, but I know he doesn't really get what I go through since he doesn't have food issues himself.

Afterwards I felt relaxed and not stressed out by the thoughts of binging. I really didn't care what happened. I couldn't keep fighting this thing tooth and nail, and then lose the battle every night. I decided it wouldn't be a battle. I'm not giving up, but I'm not going to war with myself night after night over whether or not I should eat.

I fell asleep early and slept through the night without waking up once during the night. It's been months since I've had a good night's sleep.

My attitude isn't super happy, with rainbows and butterflies, but I'm feeling kind of happy, hopeful. It's more of an attitude that I need to let some things go, things that aren't really that important. Things like binging.
A shoutout to my dear friend Pamela who is back among the living. I've missed her so much. She was the first person to ever comment on my blog. She's followed me for almost two years and has helped me tremendously.

Now it's my turn to return the favor. Please stop by Pamela's blog and offer her support. She's a wonderful person and she needs help right now.


Sweety On A Diet said...

If you haven't read it yet, do yourself a favour and read Randy Pausch's The last lecture. Insightful to say the least!

Roxie said...

I'm glad you are getting a little bit of peace. If we can just get our mind right, our ass will follow.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, Diana. You deserve it. Congratulations on being brave enough to talk to your husband about this.

Helen said...

Good night's sleep = gold. Amazing how relief in the depths of your soul can give you that good night's sleep, isn't it?

antgirl said...

Can you come up with some sort of compromise on eating at night? That's what I do to keep it at bay. I'm allowed an apple first. Then if I want a snack later, there's a range of stuff that's permitted. I also plan for it in what choices I give myself. I found that helps me, because it's not an out and out 'no'. No makes me rebel.

Attitude is everything. My sister-in-law used it in her fight against leukemia. She was hell bent determined to prove them doctors wrong. She did. For two months where she lived a better quality of life than before. Thanks for the reminder. I need to work on my own attitude and positive thinking.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes just admitting out problem out loud, face to face with someone takes away the shame we feel. I'm glad you felt better after talking to your husband :)

Q102Briand said...

Hey Diana, I have the SAME issue about eating at night. I also struggle with sleep. I am working on both. Btw make sure you take credit for all that you have already accomplished , you look great and inspire others!

Pamela said...

Diana, I am so proud of you for talking to your husband about your late night eating. I know that couldn't have been easy for you! I'm so glad he was understanding (as he should be). And thank you so much for the shout-out! I don't know what I'd do without ya!