Then I had an idea. I see people write themselves letters to be opened in a year or five years or twenty years. They're letters of their current self talking to their future self. I thought why don't I write a letter to the crazy Diana. The one that can't stop herself from binging.
I wrote the letter and have put it in an envelope, with two of my fat pictures, taped to the refrigerator door. It's to be opened if I start to feel like I'm losing control of my eating.
Here's the letter, from the sane Diana to the crazy Diana:
If you're reading this letter, it means you're considering embarking on mindless eating. A binge is about to happen. At least you had the presence of mind to open this letter and read it. That's a step in the right direction.
This is your sane self speaking to your crazy self. You need to listen because this part of you knows what's best for you.
Whatever you're thinking about eating, it wasn't planned and you don't have the Points for it. You need to really think about what you're going to do. Answer these questions before you proceed:
1. Do you really want to do this? Don't answer so quickly. Think about it for a few minutes. Never mind that you may have been thinking about it for hours, seriously and honestly think about it again. Is this REALLY what you want?
2. Remember it will only be a moment of pleasure. As soon as you eat the food you'll want more, and you know you won't be able to stop. You wouldn't be reading this if you thought you could stop. You're reading this because you're feeling a bit insane and out of control.
You need to get a grip on your emotions. Calm down for God's sake and think about what you're about to do. Is it really worth it? Is it worth throwing away all your hard work for a moment of pleasure?
3. If you insist on eating the food that you shouldn't eat, do me a favor first. Prepare a low-Point snack. Make it a protein and a complex carbohydrate.Sit down at the dining table and use a real dish and utensils. Do not read or watch TV. Focus on the snack you're eating. Drink a glass of ice water with it or herbal tea. Pay attention to what you're eating. Put down this letter and go have your snack.
4. If you're reading this then #3 didn't work. That's okay. Stop kicking yourself and beating yourself up about it. It's not the first time and not the last time. Whatever it is that's driving you nuts and you think you can't live without eating it, get one serving of it. Put it on a plate. Calculate the Points. Put them in the tracker first, then go enjoy your food...at the table.
If you still have the crazies, continue reading before you make the ultimate decision to just give up.
Whatever you're thinking at this very moment, put it aside. Let me tell you what I think. Me, the sane part of you. Food is not your friend. It is not love. It will not comfort you. It is not pleasure. It can't make you happy. It is mere sustenance to keep you alive. If you derive pleasure from it, remember it's only a momentary and fleeting pleasure.
Please take a good look the pictures in the envelope with this letter. Remember that 240-pound woman. Remember the physical and mental pain she went through every day. Remember how tough it was to get to where you are now.
I will ask you one more question: Is whatever you want to eat at this moment really worth taking a chance on going back to being that sad woman in the pictures? The woman with the fake smile, that hurt in her heart and in her body. The one that wore her failure for the entire world to see, and who felt shame at her weakness. The one that hated how she looked and how she felt. The woman that dreaded getting out of bed every day of her life. Who was consumed by her fatness. The one that woke up every morning and thought, I've got to do something about my weight.
No, I didn't think so.
The sane and in control Diana
Click on the pictures for a larger view, if you dare. :)