Monday, January 11, 2010

Still on fire

It's 10:18pm. I'm just about ready to go to bed and sleep. Tomorrow I have my workout in the morning, work all day, and then Kundalini yoga at night .

I almost hesitate to write about not binging. It's like I'm afraid I'm going to jinx myself and totally screw up. I can't remember the last time I was "clean and sober" for four straight days. Although even if I do mess up, I know it'll be okay.

"The end of overeating" Chapter 44, Avoiding Traps: On obsession and Relapse
(page 231)

"Some people find it especially hard to stay in control when they are the highest end of their weight spectrum--at that point, the goal of a weight loss may just seem too remote to be achieved. For others, the greatest challenge comes after reaching their, when they recognize that their struggle will never be completely over and that the battle with conditioned hypereating is lifelong. Accepting those realities helps to keep you vigilant. Keeping relapse at bay is not about being strong enough to beat the temptation of eating stimulating food, but about being smart enough to deal with it."

When I was 240 pounds I just couldn't seem to get my head in the right place to actually try to lose weight. I'd think about it every day, sometimes every waking moment of every day. I remember how difficult it was to even start trying to lose weight.

When I finally did get thisclose to my goal weight, I wasn't vigilant. I wasn't being smart on how I handled the "cue-urge-reward" habit cycle. I have tools now, I'm ready for it if my brain tries to take me to places I don't want to go.

I'm right on with the tracking ALL my food (four days!), trying my best to meet the Good Health Guidelines (Lord help with this one, it's almost impossible!). In other words, I'm on fire!

Food, Inc.
We watched Food, Inc. last night. Actually, my husband watched it. I had to go into a different room halfway through the movie. I was so incredibly angry watching it that it made me intensely uncomfortable, mentally and physically.

I'm not going to review the Food, Inc. since I'm sure there are hundreds of great reviews out there already. Most people have probably already seen it.

If you haven't seen it, I strongly advise you to watch it. There's a lot of very horrifying information about the food industry and our food chain. I had already read a lot about this in Michael Pollan's book, "The Omnivore's Dilemma". Seeing the visuals that the book is based upon literally made me nauseous.

If you see this movie, you'll never look at your food the same again. Great educational movie but highly disturbing.

Update at 5:15am Tuesday, 1/12: I made it through the night without binging. It's 5:15am and just getting ready to head out to the gym. I didn't even have a snack last night and only 21 Points all day. I didn't have to fight myself over wanting to eat. It's such a weird feeling not to have that huge fear of overeating. It's like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Today is day five. :)


Helen said...

I find this very interesing:

"Some people find it especially hard to stay in control when they are the highest end of their weight spectrum--at that point, the goal of a weight loss may just seem too remote to be achieved."

Because that is the EXACT mindset I get if I have a bad eating day. I start thinking that my goal is so far away so why bother - and then I proceed to undo myself even more.

I am glad you are having good days right in a row - that in and of itself is encouraging.

Kyle Gershman said...

I know my issue is and will be with maintenance. I hope to surround myself with other fit people in the course of engaging in physically challenging activities. I want a constant reminder of the needs/benefits of being physically fit. Otherwise, it is just something I see on TV and can let the mental edge slip and gain it back.

Getting Better and Better

Roxie said...

Congrats on your winning streak.

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Left ya somethin on my blog hon!

Kelly! said...

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!I'm so happy for you! see now its going to start becoming habit and easier! yay! congrats and i know your days of bingeing are coming to an end :)

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

I'm happy that it's getting easier for you!

Jenny S said...

Good for you! That's amazing!!

Sandra said...

That's Great Diana! You are doing good!

antgirl said...

Your post yesterday was a great refresher for me. Teling myself 'no' last night did wonders. So, thank you! *The End of Overeating* was a great book. It helped me with a few things.

I have not seen Food, Inc. I have a feeling it will piss me off. I saw Supersize Me, which was eye-opening. I have heard things about corn & soy and other crap the food industry pulls on the farms and growers.

Jackie Callahan said...

Wow! Your words feel so familiar. I feel so much of what you express. I struggle with staying clean and sober everyday. It makes me feel stronger to feel your success. I am very interested in checking out Food, Inc. i feel just as fired up about America the Beautiful Check out my blog) Thanks for the inspiration!

Ida said...

I am so very proud of you!

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back...