Monday, February 22, 2010

Okay, maybe not stupid, just struggling

Maybe I'm not totally stupid, but I swear there's something deeply wrong with me. I'm sure I could benefit from therapy or drugs or maybe both, but I'm from the old school of I can fix this myself. So far though, I'm not being very successful.

The thing that makes me kind of nuts is how hard I work out at the gym, almost every day, then I turn right around and throw away all the hard work by overeating. To make matters worse, I eat crazy stuff. Like too many strawberries or blueberries. Or a couple bowls of oatmeal with walnuts (that was last night). It's healthy stuff, but too many calories.

Maybe someday I'll figure it out, but for now I'm continuing the struggle, some days are harder than others.

Tomorrow is going to be a killer day. I have to get up at 4am, be on the road by 5am and head up to catch the light rail from the airport up to Seattle and be at the Westin Inn by 7am for a fundraiser. I get roped into this thing every year and just can't seem to say no.

It's for the King County Sexual Assault Resource Center (KCSARC). It's a center that provides therapy for sexually abused children and their families. It's a great organization it depends a lot on the funds raised at the fund rasiers they have throughout the year.

I started going about six years ago when my girlfriend's daughter was five and was sexually molested by the next door neighbor's "uncle". It's a horrible story and caused a lot of trauma for the child and the family. They always go every year to the KCSARC fundraiser. The little girl is now 11 (or maybe 12) and she speaks in front of the group (1,000 people tomorrow) about her experience. It makes me cry every single time.

So even though it's for a very good cause, I don't want to go. For lots of reasons, hearing the tear jerker story again, feeling the little girl's pain as she tells what it was like to be forced to do something against her will when she was only five years old. I know I'll cry.

Then there's the traveling to downtown Seattle at 6am. Another girlfriend is going with me, so we're going to try to make it an adventure. Neither one of us has ever ridden the new light rail from Seatac airport to downtown. I feel like a country mouse going to the big city. I'm more a suburbia girl than a city girl.

Of course, I'll miss my early morning workout which makes me a little uncomfortable, but I'm dealing with it. I can miss working out on a normally scheduled day, and I won't die. Trying to roll with the punches here.

Today's pictures brought to you from my walk at noon with three friends. It's was another glorious day here in Seattle.

The trailhead - Des Moines Creek Trail, near by office at Seatac, WA

Des Moines Creek runs next to the trail

Ferns on the hill next to the trail

My friends decided not to wait for me as I as taking so many pictures. I had to keep running to catch  up with them. Talk about interval training!

The dog guy. Every time I walk this trail at noon I see this guy. He has three of the sweetest, friendliest dogs you've ever met. They know me now and always run up to greet me, with tails wagging.

Dog guy's dogs. The one on the left is 15 and had cancer two years ago until Mrs. Dog Guy starting making dog food for the dog. His cancer disappeared and now he acts like a pup (the dog, not the guy :).

These white flowered trees were all along the beginning of the trail. No idea what type of tree, but really pretty. Looked like snow (but it was 58 degrees today).


Roxie said...

What cute puppies! I know the universe is upside down when WA consistently gets better winter weather than TX - we are due for more snow today.

Diana, are you eating enough protein and healthy fats? I find that if I let my protein content slip that it's harder for me to stay "full" and I tend to be snacky. Just a thought.

Good luck today.

Beth said...

Gaaaahhh! I have that problem of doing really well with my eating, and then blowing it all with an insane binge! Can't get my mind around the psychology of it!

Helen said...

I think I may have said this to you before but I understand. Completely. The extra weight I'm carrying right now I gained while exercising. Neither exercise nor diet changes are a cure on their own. They work together! Well, most of the time. For example, today, you are 100% correct, missing this exercise isn't the end of the world. Sometimes when I am tempted to overeat I literally say out loud, "Do you want to undo everything you just did with your exercise?" Funny how when you say it out loud it sort of puts a damper on the eating. I agree with Roxie too - look at your overall intake and maybe adjust the proteins and fats. Personally, I think WW encourages high carb eating because those tend to be the lowest point values. But maybe you're doing ok. It's just a thought.

Linda said...

For me it's a turning point when I realize I am overeating good food instead of crap. It means either I have gotten all the crap out of the house or I am making better choices. Then I can focus on correcting the portion size.

Beautiful pictures again! Cute doggies! And sunshine!

Plus Size Wonder Woman said...

I'm so jealous. Those pictures make me wish for spring so bad. We just got another 4 inches of snow yesterday.
I can totally understand what you are going through. I get mad when I workout hard at the gym then come home and eat too much, even if it is healthy. We'll get there though. It just takes awhile for our brains and our bodies to get it so we can stop the over eating. Good luck!

Suzy said...

Beautiful weather! It's cold and raining by me in PA. With regards to the overeating, I completely understand. Sometimes I find it helps to just be more conscious while I'm no tv or conversations. I'll just sit there and focus on the food...the texture...the flavor...smell...look of it, etc. I find the meal more satisfying that way and am less likely to go for seconds. Also keeping hydrated helps. Good luck.

antgirl said...

None of us are perfect. Well, I know I'm not. Sometimes I'm just hungrier than at other times.

I sort of hedge it by planning for what I 'might' eat. It's sort of like a safety net and keeps me from going crazy. Sometimes I choose to eat the 'extras', sometimes I don't. The plan keeps the extras within my calorie range.

I find it helps tremendously to just dish out a portion and go eat elsewhere.

Beautiful pictures. It's been gorgeous here, too. Gloomy today though.

Ida said...

It happens, and I agree with Linda, it is sort of a victory when you are overeating healthy food rather than junk. You've come a long way, and you will get there someday. The pictures are beautiful. I will be so glad when it gets warm around here, I am so tired of cold and snow.

Shannon said...

The dogs are adorable.

It was hard for me to admit I needed help, but it was one of the best things I could have done for myself. It was very eye opening.

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back...