Friday, March 12, 2010

I've reached my breaking point

Yesterday morning I stepped on the scale, 181.6. What the heck am I doing to myself!? I honestly don't understand this self-sabotage. Yes, I'm beating myself up about this because it's about time someone did. I'm angry for letting this happen, and it has to STOP!

I've been down this road so many times in my life, lose a ton of weight and gain it all back. This cycle has been repeated numerous times in the past 40 years. This time I refuse to be defeated. Not again.

The best advice I ever heard on losing weight
About two years ago I was in a Weight Watcher meeting when our leader said something I've never forgotten. He said we get the best results when we make drastic changes. Little changes give us little results. No changes, no results. Big changes, big results.

When I think back to each time I lost weight consistently, I was tough on myself. I weighed and measured my food, I ate within my Points, I tracked everything, followed the healthy eating guidelines. I tried to be perfect every single day.

I was a Nazi with my eating. Nothing past my lips that I thought might hinder my weight loss. Every week for months I consistently lost weight. Maybe a small gain every few months, but I was the poster child for Weight Watchers.

When I hit 85 pounds lost I thought, as we all think, I WILL NEVER GAIN THAT WEIGHT BACK! NEVER! Famous last words.

Some people might say who can live a life like that? Always watching what I eat, always trying to be perfect. That's the point, "try" to be perfect. I know I won't be perfect all the time. There will be times I'll eat junk I shouldn't, or eat too much, but I have to at least make the attempt. Lately I haven't even been trying that hard. I kind of do, then I kind of don't. Enough already.

I need rules. I'm a big rule follower in my normal life. I need to set rules for myself for weight loss. Rigid, solid boundaries, and I need to adhere to them.

Rule #1 - Weigh and measure everything I eat. After all this time I should know how much is a cup of milk or 4 ounces of chicken without the measuring cup and scales. Actually, I do know, but I want to eat more so I cheat. Kind of silly when you think about it. The only person I'm hurting is me with my cheating. No more guessing.

Rule #2 - Stop eating at 9pm. No more binge eating at midnight. Fight the urge with everything I've got.

Rule #3 - Drink water! This is so easy, but somewhere along the line I stopped drinking water.

Rule #4 - Cut out the processed crap, like Weight Watcher ice cream bars. It's crack!

Rule #5 - Treat my Points like gold. Budget them, make the most of them.

Rule #6 - Get some sleep! I'm running on 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night. Very bad. I have a new bedtime. 10pm or earlier.

I'm good on the exercise but I can still be better. I read an article today in More magazine about stepping up the exercise. The article was Are you pushing yourself hard enough? It said even if you may think you're working out hard, but you could probably work out harder, and should to get the maximum health benefit.

You have to keep pushing yourself, heavier weights, different exercises or different variations of the same exercises. The book I bought at Costco, Women's Health The Big Book of Exercises, is the best $12 I've ever spent. I love this book!

My plan for exercise is to have a plan before I get to the gym. I spend too much time deciding what I want to do. I should know what I want to do when I walk in the door, not plan as I go. I could probably squeeze in another exercise or two if I had a plan. Pick out the strength training exercises before I get to the gym.

I can do this. I've done it before and feel confident this is doable. My first goal is to get down to 172 by April 15. Eight pounds in four weeks. I know that's aggressive, but I'm making some aggressive changes.

Update - 3/12 6 a.m.
Yesterday was the first day of my new plan. It was a success! I even slept eight hours last night.

I'll admit I felt kind of hungry most of the day, a feeling I'm not use to anymore.

I measured and weighed everything. 21 Points isn't very much food, so I used 5 of the weeklies and 4 of my Activity Points (I earned 7 yesterday). Still didn't seem like a lot of food.

No night binge since I was in bed by 9pm. I'm down to 180.0 this morning. Down 1.6 from yesterday.

I also started wearing my pedometer again, trying to get in 10,000 steps a day (Of course, I don't wear it at the gym :). I didn't even come close yesterday, only 3,000. I'll try to do better today.

I'm feeling 100% more like myself today. I wonder if a good night's sleep had anything to do with it. :)


Kristina said...

I can def relate! Love your rules and I need to do the same! YOU CAN DO THIS! You KNOW you can! We are here to cheer you on!

Kerri & Katie said...

Great re-start. You can totally do it. I'm "restarting" today too: tracking everything I eat on We can do this!

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Sleep is always a necessity! Imagine...I didn't figure that out til I started my wl journey too! Now 11 pm hits and I start falling asleep no matter where I am. It's kind of embarassing!!! lol

Suzy said...

I wish you lots of luck. One thing that really messes me up is lack of sleep. If I'm tired, I tend over eat. I guess it's the body's way of trying to get some energy. Also, fatigue makes us feel bad and sometimes as a result we eat more to feel bettter for the moment. Really make it a point to get plenty of sleep. It makes a huge difference for me...and throw out all the large clothing so you can't fit back into them. I'm heading to my closet right now to do just that!

spunkysuzi said...

You have a great plan and yes sleep is definitely needed! I have no doubt that you can and will do it.

Helen said...

Sleep is everything. Interesting about you being hungry yesterday and having your weight be down today. I just said to my hubby last night that I've let myself be a little bit hungry several times this past week and surprise! I didn't die. As you know, it paid off.

bbubblyb said...

Glad you're new plan is going well. I struggle getting enough sleep in too. I think it's a huge downfall for me in my weight loss.

You asked about how much water I drink. I shoot for a gallon but usually average about 3 quarts a day. I had kidney stones a few years back and had to have surgery for them so water is super important so they don't grow back otherwise I think I wouldn't do as well.

I think an important part of this journey too is liking ourselves just as we are. I know I struggle with that a lot. This is definitely a whole body/mind journey. I think where we decide we want to be is a personal choice but maybe it's time to just try to maintain your weight. Maybe if you give up the focus on losing you will feel less stress and anxiety about it all. I've found that maintaining is really the same as losing except I'm not as focused on the scale needing to move down.

Tricia said...

good luck with the new goals!

antgirl said...

You will do it. I have every confidence.

Look, you're not alone. I gain weight just by smelling crap. I don't even have to eat it. Most of the time I am eating within my rules. I'd say 98% of the year. I can't ever go back. The way I ate to lose weight is how I eat every day.

Rettakat said...

Looks like you have a solid doable plan. That's fantastic!

That WW leader was so right. I once heard it put this way (though a smidge more crudely):

Half*ssed efforts will get you half*ssed results.

So true. Good for you for being honest with yourself... you know how to do this, and I am sure you will!


Kyle Gershman said...


Nothing criminal about weighing/measuring food. I'm pretty sure that'll be a lifelong thing for me at this rate. I took the last 2 days off to go skiing. No Bodybugg, no scales/measures, and no calorie counting. Yes, I made some good choices, but it is clear how easy it is to just WTF some food into my mouth.

Nothing is wrong with structure, rules, etc. That is how we were raised as kids...we needed structure then and may still need them.

Best of luck on your new start!

Anonymous said...

Maybe you could post here, instead, if you get the urge to overeat. You know, write through the feelings and thoughts that go with the urge. You're a good person struggling with a difficult challenge. So many of us can relate!

Margo said...

You can totally do this :) We could all get through this much more smoothly if we weren't so hard on ourselves.

And you're right about those ice cream bars. Especially the "Snickers Bar" ones? Gotta be laced with crack. I polished off a box in 2 days and realized that I must never buy them again. Even though I have a coupon.

Pink Panda said...

#1 helped me break many plateaus. You just never know how much you are eating unless you weigh everything on a food scale.

Deb said...

Trying to stay perfectly on plan, while realizing that sometimes you won't, is the way to go. We do need to hold ourselves to a high standard BUT we also need to have a forgiving attitude when we do stray cuz it's gonna happen.

The best I ever did at losing weight I stuck to my eating plan about 90% of the time. And during the other 10% I was able to just say "OK, that happened, next meal is on plan." Because generally its not the one slip that causes us to gain our weight back. It's the path of destruction we head down after the one slip.

Ron said...

It is so easy to fall into bad habits. I think the key for me is to own up to my mistakes right away and ensure that I am right back on track with my next meal. Yesterday I had a large dipped cone from DQ, that was after eating my other 6 healthy meals. The calories in that cone alone was 710 calories! Hope my bike ride today took care of most of them ;)

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Alan said...

Diana,thanks for your thorough blogging and great advice. I'm not the "weigh and measure" type, but I sure do need the rules. My judgment's pretty good on everything else, but my "eating IQ" can be a disaster without those rules. BTW, I linked this post to my blog. Keep up the good work!

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back...