Sunday, March 28, 2010

Life is like a bike ride - up a very steep hill

Yesterday I went for a bike ride in a nearby neighborhood that I've never been to before. I ended up on an extremely steep street as it wound down to the waterfront. Halfway down the hill I decided to stop and take a video (which didn't turn out).

When I was ready to take off again, I looked at how steep the hill was going down, I decided there was no way I could do it. I had a fear of flipping over head first. I'm use to hills, but this one was a suicide hill. I decided to turn around and head back up the hill. The problem, the hill was just as steep going up it as it was going down.

There were houses on one side and the waterfront on the other side. I kept thinking maybe there were people inside the houses watching me. My pride wouldn't let me push my bike up the hill. I thought I'm strong and powerful, I can do it.

After six failed attempts at getting my bike started back up the hill, after coming close to falling over and crashing to the pavement, I finally realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't bike up this hill starting at the mid-point. I swallowed my pride and pushed my bike up the hill. It was humiliating, but I had no other choice.

On my way home I starting thinking my bike ride is exactly how my weight loss has been for my entire life. Sometimes I just fly up the hills, sometimes I just can't do it and I fall, over and over I'll fall. My pride gets hurt, I'm humiliated with weight gains, and I finally, I just give up.

Right now I'm practically coasting downhill with my weight loss. I'm going through one of those "this is so damn easy, why was I struggling" phases. I'm smart enough to know the easy button won't last forever. It never does.

So why is my weight loss different this time? Why is this ride different than the other hundred plus times I've done this?

Number one is you. Yes, the you that is reading this right now. I feel like I owe you something, that I want you to know this can be done.

I'm just like you, I have a major problem with food. I love food a little too much, and it's been too big of a focus in my life. I use it for comfort and I use it for joy. I've struggled my entire life trying to get to a healthy weight and stay there. I want to prove to you it can be done by eating healthy, regular foods. I want to give you hope.

I know how hard it is to lose weight, I've been doing it since I was fourteen. I'm fifty-four. That's forty years of trying to lose weight. You would think with all that practice I  would have figured it out. The fact is I'm great at losing weight. I've lost hundreds of pounds over the years. My problem is that I've never kept the weight off for more than a year. I bet you're sitting there nodding your head yes, and thinking "me too!".

I want to show you this is possible. Believe me when I say this...if I can lose weight and keep it off, anyone can do it. Since I'm someone that's failed at this numerous times, it's logical that I'll fail at it again. Yet, I have confidence this time is different from all the other times. I'm not being cocky, and I'm not feeling like I'm superior or I have secret knowledge on how to do this. Or that I'm stronger or more disciplined than anyone else. In fact, just the opposite is true. I'm kind of lazy, I have no discipline, and my follow through on most things suck. Yet I truly believe I can do this, and I believe you can too.

There are some other things that are different this time around. It has a to do with my eating, how and what I'm eating. I have a post started which I'll publish later this week. I don't know if it'll help anyone else but it's working for me. Again, it's not secret information or any new revelation. It's just something I've been trying for the last three weeks that has kind of changed my life.

Speaking of bike rides, I think I'll go for one while the sun is still shining.

My weighin Saturday, March 28, 2010
I set the goal of 170 six weeks ago. I didn't quite make it, but close enough. I'm also losing a little faster than desired these last two weeks. The week before last I lost 3.2 pounds and then this week 2.8 pounds. That's a total of six pounds in two weeks. I was "talked to" by the weighin gal and then the Weight Watchers online weight tracker gave me a warning that I'm losing too fast.

I eat all the time (every three hours when I'm awake), but my night binges are under control. Plus I'm sleeping more these days, seven to eight hours a night.

Goal for next week, April 3, is 169.6.

My most favorite store
Of course it's a grocery store, what else would be my favorite store?! It's not just any store, it's HMart. I'm in love with this place. It's like a super store of Asian markets. It's huge.

It's a Korean store, but they carry all different kinds of Asian food and some American food too. The best part is their fresh produce section. It's unbelievable. For example, they have six different types of bok choy. The produce guys, who are all Korean, speak perfect English. The produce section is so huge they usually have four guys working in that area, putting out fresh produce. It's like a huge adventure every time I go there.

I wanted to take pictures because it's so amazing, but it turns out grocery stores have a rule of not taking pictures inside their stores. I got into big trouble at the Metropolitan Market in Seattle a couple weeks ago. I thought the guy was going to take my camera away from me. Stupid rule.

If you have an HMart near you, you absolutely must go visit it. It's always strange to me that there are so few Caucasians in this store. I was a towering blond amongst a sea of dark-haired, petite people. The variety of their produce and seafood is beyond amazing. I so love this store!

A few of my purchases yesterday (that's yucca in the middle - I'm making a Cuban dish with it tonight)

The neighbor cat, Bear. He's kind of in love with me. If I leave anything of mine laying anywhere, he curls up with it and goes to sleep. This was my iPod strap left on the bed. He curled up with it wrapped in his paw and went to sleep. He does the same thing with my clothes or my robe or my purse. Anything of mine, but not my husband's stuff. Which is odd because my husband is the one that keeps letting him in the house. I keep telling him to go home. Although he is pretty darn adorable.


Kyle Gershman said...

I've biked a lot myself and in San Francisco encountered a similar hill...I made it 2/3 of the way up and had to walk it the rest of the way...

but take solace in these observations...

1) You tried several times to get going
2) You walked it up to the top again
3) and most importantly, you didn't just sit down and cry.

To me, you did the best that absolutely could and that is ALL anyone (including yourself) should expect. That is what allows us to keep going on to the very next day and doing our best all over again.

You can do ARE doing it.

Helen said...

I don't care what the WW people are saying - I am proud of you! I think another difference for you this time is that you are really searching for what will work for you permanently. There is no end, each day is a new beginning.

Donna B said...

Congrats on the loss this week! Know what you went through with the hill on the bike ride. In time you will make it up! My knees make hills difficult, but I so much enjoy riding. Thanks for the post on my site. I am determined to have a great week enjoying my smaller portions every three hours. Hope I have the success that you have been having!

Roxie said...

Love the new layout. I say congrats on the hill. And so what if people in the houses saw you. Would you think bad things about someone pushing a bike up a hill? I thought not. Chances are, they didn't either. I seemed to think I'm more interesting to other people than I really am :-)

Looking forward to your upcoming post. I have noticed you treating yourself a little kinder :-)

Have a great week!

Danielle said...

Cute kitty!

Its comforting to me to be able to read about other people who are struggling with their weight loss efforts as they go through it right now as I am struggling with mine. Sometimes at meetings it can seem like everyone is doing so well. It seems strange that they talked to you after only two weeks of high losses. I would think after three or four would make sense.

As with everything I guess what is important is to keep moving forward. You did what you had to do on your bike ride, and we all have to do what we need to do in our weight loss journeys. Be it acknowledging our physical limits, or counting the points for a binge/unplanned splurge.

Deb said...

Great post! And I love the new look of your blog. Very springy and happy!

Anonymous said...

I really like your new blog/layout. Very optimistic looking. I'm fairly new to the blog world (since December) but have found lots of support in other people's writing. We are all struggling...otherwise we wouldn't be traveling the blog circuit. Keep movin! Jo

Ron said...

Anxious to hear about the new eating plan your on.... I am currently eating every 3 hours myself and have changed what I am eating some.

Ida said...

Life is like that. Hills and valleys, ups and downs. You are such an encouragement to us. :)

lindalou said...

Wow, it's all clicking for you!!
Lucky you!!
It's so hard....

Love the cat...adorable!!

Pamela said...

Way to go on your losses, Diana! I really loved this post!

Lauralei said...

your weight loss is so inspirational. I too have been conquering late night eating, but I don't feel like I am on the downhill - i am on the stand still

Miz said...


Skye's the Limit said...

Hey Diana! I missed you girl! I was so glad to see you're still blogging away. I love how I can always relate to your posts and this one certainly hasn't let me down. ( :

I also love the new look of your blog. It's so pretty!

Congratulations on your losses! The way I see it, as long as you're eating healthy and not starving yourself, who cares how large the number is!?! Apparently, you must have found something that's working for you so I say go for it because we all know it may not last forever. So, get it while you can before your body realizes what you're doing! lol

spunkysuzi said...

I am terrible on hills! Good for you on at least trying.
Your weight loss is awesome ;) There's no stopping you now.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I'm glad to see the change in perspective that you are achieving! The weight loss is super, don't get me wrong, but it's your self nurturing attitude that will really keep you going! You ARE an inspiration!

Jetta... said...

I am so glad I found your blog. Not even really sure how. I too am on a journey to lose weight. I tipped the scales at almost 300 pounds a year and a half ago. I am down 103 pounds - but still fighting the emotional war. I live in the Seattle area too!!! I hope you will come visit my blog at - I will definitely be back to visit you!

Way to go!!!

2 Be Whole said...

Isn't it exciting when the weight is coming off and you feel rewarded daily!!! I spent seven months on that down hill ride of weight loss, losing 10 lbs. each month and then it slowed to a trickle. Then it stopped. I know it will start again. I keep pushing that bike up the hill, I will not stop. I am a healthier happier me and that is worth fighting for.