Tuesday, March 2, 2010

No fat chicks

You may be too young to have ever seen this bumper sticker. It was popular in the 80's. I remember the first time I saw it. I couldn't believe someone could be so rude and put this on their car. Usually it was seen on a big 4-wheel drive pickup, with these mud flaps.
When I 'd see the "no fat chicks" bumper sticker my first thought was the person driving the vehicle must be a total moron. I knew if I ever met this person I wouldn't like him.

Then I would feel hurt. Hurt because I was a fat chick and some idiot that I didn't even care about didn't like fat chicks. Back then my idea of fat was quite a bit different than it is now. In the 80's I usually weight around 135 to 170. When I'd get up to 170 I thought I was extremely fat. I remember joining Diet Center when I weight 172. At 172 I was mortified I was so fat.

Here's the clincher. I apparently don't like fat chicks either because I constantly berate myself for being fat.

This morning I weighed myself before getting dressed for the gym. I saw an ugly number on the scale. Up five pounds overnight. I was 174.4 yesterday and 179.4 this morning. My Tanita scales are extremely accurate. I didn't eat five pounds of food yesterday, but maybe I ate too much. Maybe too much salt. Maybe too much exercise (2 1/2 hours).

I thought this is such a crazy battle, and I'm sick and tired of fighting my weight. I'm never going to win.

I sat down at my vanity to pull my hair into a ponytail before I headed out  for the gym. I looked in the mirror and thought, I'm old and fat and ugly. As soon as I thought this, I realized what a really horrible thing that was  to think about myself.

I'm no better than those creepy guys with the "no fat chicks" bumper stickers. Except, I'm worse. I'm saying this to myself, about myself. I definitely have self-esteem issues, but this was a bit more than I normally do. I wouldn't say this to another human being, but I think nothing of saying it to myself.

I sat there and stared in the mirror. It's true I'm getting old, 55 in August. There's no getting around it, I'm not a young chickadee anymore. The cute, young guys don't hit on me like they use to, probably because I'm old enough to be their mom, or in some cases, their grandmom.

I'm definitely overweight, technically I'm obese. Yet as I looked at myself, I noticed the squareness of my shoulders, and the muscles in my neck. When I lifted my arms overhead to pull my hair into the ponytail band, I could see the muscles in my arms. Earlier I had noticed how my calves have very defined, strong muscles and are firm.

Even though I'm pudgy in some areas and I don't weigh what I want to weigh, I kind of like my body these days. It's strong and tough. It's not fragile or weak. Seriously, how many 54-year old women do you know that can do three sets of eight reps per set of bicep curls with 25-pound dumbbells?

So even though I'm not beautiful or skinny or young, I am strong and healthy. Maybe I am a fat chick, and maybe the jerk in the pickup truck that didn't like fat chicks wouldn't like me. I seriously don't care...I like me.


More trees. It's the Pacific Northwest. We have a lot of trees. :) Seen on my walk today at lunch, and the last one is in the Best Buy parking lot in Federal Way, WA.


Miz said...

many thoughts and the overarching being I KIND OF LIKE MY BODY THESE DAYS.

I adore that.
I am so happy to read that.
I implore you to write that down, on an index card, tape it to your mirror.

we all need reminders some days and that phrase will bring you back to the feelings in this post quickfastandinahurry.


Weighting Around said...

I love this post. It really makes a great statement. So positive! Thanks for sharing.

Ironayla said...

thank you for the post and love the pics. Being a PNW person myself I really enjoy seeing these.

Katie said...

YES, you ARE strong and healthy! :)

Good for you for thinking positively!! And beautiful pictures, too!

Helen said...

You liking you, you liking your body?! Nothing. not. one. thing. better than that my friend.

Anonymous said...

O dear! My poor little kitty just went kareeeening from the room 'cause I jumped up and cheered OUT LOUD! For you!

Best. Post. Ever.

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

BEAUTIFUL pictures!

Also sweetie, age is only a number and you're only as old as you feel. I can tell you that I don't think you look old or ugly or fat until I'm blue in the face, YOU need to believe it. I'm hoping that this little turnaround of your sticks, start loving yourself!

Carrieheff said...

Sometimes I think being "fat" isn't an insult at all. I was in a plus sized clothing store a few months back and this kid was walking in the hallway outside. I heard him ask his mom what the store was and she said (in a very loud voice) "That's a store for fat ladies." I felt humiliated. But, after thinking about it for a while, I wondered why I was so mad. I *am* fat. It's a fact of life. Would I have felt better if she would have said "That's a store for bigger women" or maybe "pleasantly plump?" We put so much emotion into that word, but it's just a word after all.
You are beautiful just the way you are. I do not know any 45 year olds are as strong as you, let alone 55!

lindalou said...

I love the STRONG part too!! You do have to love yourself and when I look at my big legs , I try to think of them as strong instead of just big...it is more positive. Plus maybe I could beat you up...or maybe you would take me...it's just a good feeling....to be able to beat someone up if you wanted to cause you're stronger than they are. Whatever works!!

Linda said...

I remember those signs! The guys driving those trucks were usually ugly! I'm sure that was as close to a woman as they ever came!
More pretty pics! I can't wait for spring!

Rettakat said...

I loved this post, too.

We talk to ourselves more than anyone everyday all our lives, so it is wonderful that you corrected that self talk and focused on the good stuff about yourself! And wow, you really ARE strong!

Kyle Gershman said...

Ah, spring has sprung and so will you. I'm not sure that makes any sense, but I think you'll see the motivational power in it soon!

Kimi ♥ Chris said...

I think you look great! I seriously didnt know you were 54, you definately dont look like it. You are beautiful and you have lost 60+ pounds so far you should be proud of that and not let that 5lb gain bring ya down :}
Never say never.

Pink Panda said...

You make a good point Diana. I do this to myself all the time. It's not a good mentality to have - that's for sure.

bbubblyb said...

Glad you could look in the mirror and find the good things. I might have typed this here before but I remember reading a blog and the woman said when she looks in the mirror she says "I approve of you" and I really try to catch myself and say that when I find myself not talking nice to the mirror. You are strong and healthy and attractive and kind and so many other things. A good person Diana sums it up best. *hugs*

Boyd Myers said...


Your transformation is inspiring. Don't obsess over weight from a day to day standpoint - one gram of glucose holds about 3 grams of water, so that'll explain the weight fluctuation (of course, sodium plays a large role in water retention as well).

Stick to it, but enjoy the journey without obsessing on the end result. I'm going to follow your blog and keep an eye on how you're doing - be strong (mind and body!)

Boyd Myers