Monday, March 8, 2010

Fighting the good fight

Thanks for the great advice yesterday. I know I need to get back on track and sooner rather than later. Mary suggested picking just one thing to change, just one thing for one day. One day at a time. I know she's right, yet I didn't do it today.

In fact, I just made No-Pudge brownies (the ones made with yogurt). I'm sure they're no pudge if you eat just one, but I ate half the batch. I have no idea how many calories or Points. Honestly, I don't even want to know right now.

My decision to make the brownies was based on when I binge, I'm binging on things that don't really satisfy my cravings. My rather weak theory is once I've eaten something I wanted, brownies, then I'll feel like my craving has been satisfied.

The hole in my theory is that history has shown once I eat sugar, I want more and the craving becomes even more intense. I'm a sugar addict, just like a crack addict has to have crack, I have to have sugar once I get started.

However, I have a plan for tomorrow. My plan is to get back on plan and TRACK MY FOOD. I usually do online tracking, but lately I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. For a change, I'm going to write it in one of the paper tracker booklets the rest of the week.

The good thing about eating all those brownies is I feel really sick. Like if I never see another brownie for the rest of my life I'll be fine.

Update, the day after the brownies incident, 3/9 - 5:22 a.m.

I'm up and dressed for the gym, leaving in just a few minutes. Amazingly I don't feel any ill effects from the massive amount of sugar and white flour and chocolate I consumed last night (about six hours ago). I'm ready to go workout and actually feel somewhat engergized. Probably still on some kind of sugar high.

More amazing though is even after I weighed at 181.6 I'm not kicking myself in the head over last night's binge. I'm ready to fight this devil to my death. I will track today, stay within my Points, and drink water. I don't think I had any water yesterday. Funny how when one thing goes to hell for me it all goes to hell (I skipped the gym yesterday too).

Yesterday is past, it's history. Today is a new day and damn it, I'm going to do it today. Make it through just this one day doing the best I can!


It snowed today. This is a picture taken through our office window. The snowflakes were huge, but they melted as soon as they hit the ground. It was pretty while it lasted.


~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

I'm struggling right along with you Diana! It's probably why I haven't blogged, not only do I have nothing to say (at WI I stayed the same but am now showing a 2lbs gain!), if I did say anything it would just be about how much of a loser (or non loser as such) that I am. Blah.

I hope you're able to find your way! Inspire me woman!

Helen said...

You're not perfect at all, are you? Neither are the rest of us. I agree that you need to stop reaching for perfection and make one small change. That's totally doable. I find it interesting that you are going back to paper. That's exactly what I do when I need to snap to!

Anonymous said...

Oh my lord I love your photos! You are so artistic and talented!

Don't know if you are looking for advice, but one thing that has helped me a lot has been to talk to someone who has lost over a hundred lbs and has kept it off for ten years.

Also, Sarah's blog, "The Weight It Is," has been another great inspiration for me. She wrote about one plateau that lasted over a year! Talk about being patient! She has maintained a 185 lb loss for about six years, even though she hasn't been able to exercise very much because of her blown-out knee.

The following is based on a lot of research I have been doing in the past year--provoked by my own repeated regains in the past.

Anyway, this might sound horrifying but...What if you decided to maintain at 180 instead of trying to lose more weight right now? Maybe give your body a chance to catch up with all the changes, including the increased stress in your life. Otherwise, your body's regulatory mechanisms might keep "fighting" back, more and more (increasing your levels of hunger, decreasing your motivation), ultimately making it even more difficult for you to avoid regaining.

In other words, what you may be interpreting as emotional eating ("binging") could actually be a physiological response: your body's way of asking for a different kind of help from you. In between binging and strict dieting there IS a place of maintenance, and it may be far healthier in the long run to aim for that place, just for now.

I hope this is helpful. I've been right where you are now (too many times!) and I wish I had stopped fighting so hard to lose more weight and instead put my effort into maintaining and expanding my repetoire of self care activities.

Perhaps you could ask Sarah for some ideas? In any case, you are definately doing a great thing by blogging about this because you are reaching outward for new ideas and support--always a healthy action--and you are helping so many others who are now experiencing, or will soon be experiencing, their post honeymoon phase of losing weight. Thanks so much for continuing to share your struggles and triumphs!

Linda said...

I know that feeling after eating too much! Something I thought I wanted so I ate too much of it and then I just feel bad! I'm trying to remember that feeling before I eat! Tough one!
I like the tackle one thing at a time advice. And I like you are starting again today! You'll get it!

And I love the pics!

Katie said...

I agree with changing one thing at a time.

And good for you for not giving up!! We all have "brownie incidents." All we can do is start fresh again. :)

Focus on one day at a time!!

antgirl said...

There are many who have problems with the processed white stuff. Do you have the same problem with other sweeteners & gluten-free? Maybe it's worth an experiment.

YOu're going to end up all right. I'm quit sure. :D

Carrieheff said...

Good for you for not beating yourself up. You can't do anything about it anyway so just move forward and do better today.

Ug, if I don't see another snow flake for the rest of my life I will be happy! LOL

Graciela said...

Sugar is the devil. The more I eat the more I want. I can definitely relate to your brownie story.

Just remember, Diana, you are not just what you weigh. You are gorgeous, wonderful matter what you weigh.

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The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back...