Monday, May 17, 2010

Still dragging but hanging on

It's late, 10:14 p.m. as I write this post. I promised myself I'd post every day this week, like I've done for the past two years. Except for the past month, I've barely posted once a week. It's not like I'm out living a fabulous, fun-filled life, it's more like I'm just trying to stay afloat.

I continue to sleep the sleep of the damned, waking up several times during the night. I've tried all kinds of things, Ambien, Simply Sleep, meditation, quiet time before bed with Sleepytime tea, Melatonin, and sleep techniques I used when I worked a graveyard shift thirty years ago that always worked like a charm. NOTHING is working. Now it's to the point where the more I worry about it, the worse it's getting. I really don't want to go back to the doctor for a sleeping aid, but I'm not sure what else to do at this point. I just know it's kind of killing me. Everything is in shades of gray when I'm exhausted.

Even my workout this morning wasn't up to par. Usually I can fake my way through it, and I kind of did that this morning, although I seriously contemplated going home after five minutes. I made it through the hour but felt like I was climbing through mud when I was doing the StairMaster. It was as close to torture as I care to get.

One bright spot is I have to retire my size 12 slacks. I have several pairs that I bought last fall because I gained twenty pounds when I was doing all that traveling for work. I've almost lost all of it (19), and now my size 10's all fit. This is the first time in many decades that I'll start summer at the weight I was last summer, which is a weight after losing 75 pounds. Usually by now I would have regained all 75 pounds plus an extra 10-20 for good measure. Of course, I still want to lost another 20+ pounds. Will I ever be happy with my weight? Probably not.

I don't feel like I've beat this thing by any means, but I'm closer than I've ever been in my entire life on figuring this out.

Today a coworker, someone that's thin and at his healthy weight, made a comment when I said "I'm soooo hungry!". He listens to me all the time saying I'm hungry. He's always watching his weight, being very careful what he eats. I complained that some days it feels more out of control than others and today was a really hard day for me food wise. He just looked at me and smiled, he said "I've just accepted that being hungry sometimes is a fact of life." He's right, that's all it is, just a fact of life. Sometimes I'm hungry, and sometimes I'm not. It's just a fact.


Miz said...

I'm closer than I've ever been in my entire life on figuring this out.

I LOVE THIS and would encourage you to make this your mantra.
to seize it and chant it in your head when you fear you mightcould veer off course.

Roxie said...

I'm so sorry your sleep hasn't improved. It's hard to do anything when one is exhausted. I find that good sleep is cyclical. Right now, I'm working into a good phase, but last week was horrid. I've tried all usual solutions and like you, nothing seems to work consistently.

Congrats on retiring your pants! That is awesome.

Debbie said...

Not getting any sleep is terrible. I do that sometimes. I do not watch TV at least an hour before I go to bed and I try and take a hot bath about 30 min. before. Hope you get a good night sleep soon..

Helen said...

The fatigue/tiredness sounds totally hormonal to me. Just like the hunger, sometimes I'm tired. For no apparent reason.

I'm with the Miz: make it your chant when you might veer.

bbubblyb said...

I too struggle with sleep, we are so similar you and I Diana, our ups and downs with things. I do think both of us though have been more on the up than down lately. I know you'll figure it out. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

I follow your blog regularly but seldom comment. May I suggest an amazing book?

"Insomniac" by Gayle Greene (2008).

Greene is a professor of literature and a member of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (a professional organization for sleep researchers and clinicians.) More importantly, she has had insomnia her entire life. This is a groundbreaking book, filled with all the lastest research findings about sleep and insomnia. She also interviewed thousands of people with insomnia.

This is not your typical "How to solve your insomnia problem" book. It is soooo much more. The chapter on the history of sleep, in itself, is worth the price of the book. Did you know, for instance, that up until the electric light became widely used, most people slept in segments? (1st sleep, quiet meditation, then 2nd sleep before often a brief nap during the day)

This book is saving my sanity, maybe even my life. It offers so many more options than I ever dreamed of (pun intended) for understanding insomnia and for improving sleep. Also, it is fascinating and beautifully written!

Good luck. Sleep is not a luxary item. Bless you for sharing about your insomnia on your weight loss blog.

Jenni said...

Why is it that women, in particular, seem to struggle with sleep issues as we get older?! I go through phases with it and so do my girl friends. It sounds like you are trying so many different things and something will eventually work. Congrats on size 10!!

M Pax said...

Woot on retiring the 12's.

Hope you figure the sleep thing out.

really glad to read that you feel close to figuring this out.

Anonymous said...

Diana, I really hope you can figure out the sleep problems you're having - adequate sleep is SO essential to good health! And AMEN to knowing that hunger is a part of life. Hunger is something we all experience to varying degrees at different times. And being hungry won't kill us. Though I do think that generally eating when you are physically hungry is a healthy choice!

Ida said...

I have had problems with my sleep a lot over the past few years (since menopause) Nothing ever seems to help me. Encouraging, aren't I?
Glad that you are back in your size 10's, wish I was.

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