Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Diana's Weight Gain Journey

I was thinking about renaming my blog today, to Diana's Weight Gain Journey. I wondered if anyone would even notice. Since all I'm doing lately is gaining weight it seems like an appropriate name.

It's all Geneen's fault, her stupid idea of eat what you want when you want it Ha! What a preposterous idea. Seriously, it's my own fault. I didn't read past chapter 10, that's where she tells you what to do to lose weight. I purposely didn't read that far because I kind of liked the idea of eating what I wanted.

I went on vacation and stayed with my sister for nine days, in a house full of treats for the grandkids, cookies, candy, and lots of ice cream. She doesn't have a sweet tooth and doesn't touch the stuff herself. Me, well, that's a different story. It triggered something in me that continued after I got home. Add in the stress of going back to work after being off for sixteen days and you have the recipe for a big, fat gain of 10 pounds.

That's right, I'm up to 176.4. Scary territory. After squeezing my big, fat butt into my slim fit size 12 jeans today,  I was miserable. Clothing should not leave it's imprint on your skin. By the end of the day I had a tummy ache, and I know it was from my tight jeans that were cutting off the circulation to my lower half. And yes, I said size 12, the 10's are just hanging in the closet, mocking me.

So what am I going to do? Lose the weight of course. My plan is simple and it involves restriction of my food intake. Smaller quantities of what I've been eating this week, and continue with the workouts but amped it up a bit. I really need to get to the gym at 5am and not at 6am so I can get in 40 minutes of cardio and 40 minutes of weights. My 30/30 plan isn't really enough, especially since I haven't been walking at lunch. I'm adding that back in to my routine and have a lunch walking date already scheduled for tomorrow.

My beloved StairMaster was finally working this morning, after being out of service for two months. I was practically squealing with joy this morning when I saw the pink out-of-order sign was missing from it. It's my favorite piece of cardio equipment and it's where I get my best cardio workout. I thought that was a sign from God that I need to get serious about losing weight.

A lot of people might think I'm on the road to going back up to 240 pounds, but for the first time in my life, I don't think that's going to happen. I started this journey February 2008. I've been under 180 since July 2008 (yes, I lost 60 pounds in the first six months). I've been down to 152 since that time and up as high as 179. I'm pretty sure I can stop this freight train I'm on of gaining weight and shift gears back to what has become my normal. Healthy eating and exercise (and losing weight!).

Besides the tight jeans that made me physically ill today, here's a good visual to help me get my butt in gear 110%. I was looking at some pictures on a friend's Facebook page and stumbled on this picture taken of me at at wedding three years ago. I weighed 240 pounds. That's me in the black dress. I remember how awful I felt, big, fat, hot (that's hot not in a good way, sweaty hot), and ugly. It's not a feeling I want to re-visit. Today's jean fiasco was as close as I want to get to that time in my life.


Alan (Pounds Off Playoff) said...

Diana, I'm glad you're aware that you're at a crossroads and confident. I've always pictured after losing "all" the weight I'd give myself a 10 pound range and have a plan at the ready anytime I exceeded it. Do you have a plan like this? A "won't go any higher than" number to trigger the plan?

ShellyD said...

I so hear you about WFG. At the moment contemplating returning to Weigh Less - I need guidance and direction. I'm not the type to be told 'eat what you want'. I've plateaued and right now I don't want to plateau.

You know what to do :-)) Before you know it those jeans will be feeling loose.


Miz said...

how about diana's journey.

this life is up and down and zigzaggy (at least mine is) and its all part of the process huh?

xo xo

Splurgie said...

I finished WFG. It wasn't a magic bullet or leave me rarin' to go (some books have done that) but there was much to think about. Even if I just stop and ask myself "What am I really hungry for?" or "Who's [as which of my life stages]in charge here?" I will feel her book was useful.

Roxie said...

I like what Miz said, but then again, I always do.

Don't let "the voice" smack you around too much - it's just some weight. It'll will come off. It's not cause to view yourself harshly.

Heather said...

I've done a major yo-yo on myself over the past five years with a lot of emotional eating. I finally figured out that I can't do sugar. It's a trigger for me... leads to uncontrollable eating. I find that if I avoid sugar COMPLETELY... I don't have cravings. You'll get back on track... you're determined, you're aware... you can do this!

heddy said...

don't beat yourself up. you had a slip up, you recognized it and you can move on. you have lost over 60 pounds!!! and kept it off in one way or another and that is not small feet. you haven't been back over 200 and i am so happy and proud of you. i can't wait until that day and i can only hope to do as well as you.

Sara said...

Oh Diana--I can feel the seriousness of your resolve and I commend you for it!

That said, this cracked me up:

"Clothing should not leave it's imprint on your skin"

Along with your admission that you purposely didn't read past the 10th chapter of the book, your post reminded me that laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

I believe this journey is never ending, and the very best we can hope for is to be equal to the task. I believe that you'll continue to fight the good fight!

Carrieheff said...

It is so funny to me that 2 people can read the same thing but take away two totally different messages. I have barely picked up on the "Eat what you want when you want message" and I'm picking up on the listening to your body and finding out what motivates my desire to over eat. But, if you get any message from the book, it's NOT about the food. Don't concentrate on the food, concentrate on the feelings that surround the food, then the food becomes less important.
You are beautiful, smart and funny no matter how much you weigh. The fact that you are realizing that you have to stop yourself now and restructure what you are doing tells me that you will NEVER be 240 lbs again. It's the people who don't stop themselves and gain 50 or more lbs that are on that road again (like I have done several times before.)

M Pax said...

Well, we all know we can't eat whatever we want. Not without moderation. Although, I think you should embrace the part about loving yourself instead of punishing yourself. You're a great person. So, you've had a fumble while on vacation. I'm also confident you'll not creep back up. You're strong and determined. You've learned a lot about yourself along this journey. Employ those lessons when devising a plan for yourself. What works for you? What doesn't? If something makes you run for a box of whatever after a few weeks, it doesn't work. What keeps you sane and healthy? That's a great starting point.

Kyle Gershman said...

Ah, your book had a surprise ending! Well, I'm glad you've read it and have a new plan and the determination to get there.

Remember those instruction sheets in grade school that made you do all these silly things only to find the last instruction was to do nothing and sit quietly? It was to demonstrate the importance of reading all instructions thoroughly before starting.

!@#$@$# that...I'm with you and would have been in the same boat being led down the primrose path...shame shame shame on that author for not interlacing weight loss techniques throughout.

Natalia said...

Keep kicking butt. You'll lose this weight gain in no time and be back on the route of losing even more! :)

Ron said...

I'm with you.... we will do this!!

Brooke said...

You have been an inspiration to me since I started my blog and weight loss journey. I, too, feel stuck and frustrated. I'm sorry this journey isn't easy - I wish it were, but I'm glad to have a friend (can I call you that?) who is on this roller coaster with me. Otherwise, I would jump off and run for the hills, because this is HARD!! We all need support and encouragement - so, GO DIANA!! You're one of my favorite bloggers and watching your journey has blessed my journey. Thanks.