Saturday, August 28, 2010

It wasn't really that funny

My manager drew this on the white board in my cubicle yesterday. She was trying to make me laugh. It didn't really work. Because the picture on the left is definitely me, including the dark circles under my eyes. We have a software release on 10/12, with a code complete date of 9/3. Pretty much anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong.

61 hours. That's how many hours I've worked in the last seven days. That includes last Sunday and today. Three days left the office at 8pm, 11-hour days with no lunch.

A weird thing happens when I work too much and don't get enough sleep. I cry. Deep, sad, weeping. For no apparent reason. That was what happened yesterday when I was driving home at 8pm. I was crying so hard I could hardly see to drive. Why? I have no explanation other than complete exhaustion.  It's just a deep sadness that overwhelms me. After ten-hours of sleep I'm usually like a new person. This morning, not so much.

Even though I had a really productive day in the office today, and I'm confident I'll make Friday's deadline, I'm tired of working. I even went to the gym for an hour and half after work today, hoping it would create some happy endorphins. It didn't work.

Tomorrow I have to go in to the office again. I think I'm going to go to the gym before I go. Going tonight wasn't fun, but I manage an intense StairMaster session for 30 minutes, and 45 minutes of weights. I added some bonus exercises, concentrated dumbbell curls 25 pounds, and that was after three sets of 12 with a 20-pound dumbbell. I also did some dumbbell curls with that big 44-pound barbell. Gosh that thing is heavy all by itself. It was a great workout, but I didn't really change my mood for the better. Okay, maybe just a tiny bit.

As far as my eating, it's been pretty good but not good enough to lose weight. I'm holding steady at 175.4. I really need to lose weight. Not just so I can fit into my clothes comfortably, but also because my blood pressure has skyrocketed lately. I've been checking it the last few weeks and it's creeping up. Last night it was 154/82. Not good.

I was on blood pressure medicine three years ago for almost two years. Then my doctor took me off of it about a year ago when I was down to 160 pounds. I held steady at 110/60 for about a year. I'm sure the extra weight and the stress at work, a lethal combination, is causing my high blood pressure.

Since I can't quit my job, I need to at least lose the weight. The thought of a stroke or a heart attack scares me to death ( that's kind of funny).

I probably shouldn't write anything when I'm feeling like this. I'm not exactly an inspiration right now.


Roxie said...

No one is required to be an inspiration. All you are required to be is Diana.

Your work schedule is exhausting. It is almost impossible for anything good, other than work, to be accomplished when stress levels are high and there is just too much to do in too little time.

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you - that you can get your rollout done and catch a break.

Baby Stepping said...

"Now" is exactly when you SHOULD write. It's all part of the journey - the good, the not so good, and the downright "in the funk." I hope your stress lifts soon and that you get your blood pressure down.


Alan (Pounds Off Playoff) said...

Hearing how you continue your dedication to working out in spite of a huge life/work challenge IS inspiring. I hope writing is a stress release for you. Do what you need to take care of yourself. If writing helps - great. If you need to write less while you're busy, we'd understand.