Tuesday, August 10, 2010

It's never too late to start over

Birthday Flowers

This morning I weighed 175 pounds. I've finally decided the only way I'm going to get back to losing weight is to pretend like every day is the very first day I'm on Weight Watchers.

If you've ever done Weight Watchers, you know how exciting and "almost" fun it is at the beginning. You have a set of rules to follow, and you try to follow them exactly. You're rewarded week after week with nice, healthy losses.

Then one day, after, oh, let's say two and half years, you kind of get tired of it all. The weighing and measuring, the tracking, and all the other tedious things that are part of the Weight Watcher plan.

The compliments stop because you've been at the same weight for months, or maybe you've even gained ten or twenty pounds. No one cares or seems to notice that you're still trying to lose weight, but you're struggling. You've lost your momentum.

You've stop measuring your portions, so four ounces of chicken becomes seven or eight ounces. You stop trying to get in five vegetables a day, and take the five to seven vegetables or fruits to mean seven to nine fruits per day (maybe an obligatory vegetable or two). You certainly don't track your Points, because if you're honest, you don't really want to know.

Maybe you stay away from the bad* stuff, the candy and cookies, but you eat too much of the healthy stuff. Your size 12 jeans are now snug and your thighs are starting to take over. In fact, when you look in the mirror all you see are your thighs.

That's where I am right now. So let's just say this is my day one, not day 912 (that's approximate, but it's been about 2 1/2 years since I started).

For today, my day one, I'm tracking my food, staying within my Points, weighing and measuring everything that goes in my mouth, and trying to follow the healthy eight guidelines. Easy peasy, right? I certainly hope so because my critical voice is driving me insane. She won't shut up about my eating, and if I could just smash her into tiny pieces, I'd be happy.

Geneen (WFG) says to quiet The Voice, which I agree with to a point. However, I still think that internal voice serves a purpose. It really does have my best interest at heart, and it helps keep me in check, because Lord knows, someone needs to. However, these days I use a somewhat kinder, gentler voice with myself. I wasn't making any progress with the old voice.

One other thing I have to do this week is face my Weight Watcher leader. She's been sending me cards in the mail, "Where are you?" or "We miss you!" or (and I love this one), "It's never too late to come back!". I haven't been to a meeting since June 5, when I weighed in at 162.8. I've definitely done some damage over the summer.

What it feels like to be the fattest person in the room

Today I went to a spinning class. I've attended spinning classes before but always when I weighed less, 150 to 165. At 175 I usually feel too fat to be walking (or spinning) among the fittest people at the gym. Today I thought to hell with it, I'm going.

I hadn't been to a spinning class in months and the instructor was new to me. She came over and talked to me before class. I could tell she thought I was a novice to spinning, but I'm not. I know how to ride a spin cycle. It's just like riding a bike, anyone can do it and it doesn't take any special talent, just endurance.

Right before the class started I looked around the room, and yes, I was indeed the largest person in the room. I'd guess the average woman was maybe 125 pounds (skinny!), and the average man, maybe 150-160. There were about 20 people and every one of them looked like they had stepped right off the pages of a fitness magazine. Strong, muscular arms, flat abs and of course, great legs.

I was able to keep up without too much pain (okay, a lot of pain!). In 45 minutes I burned 340 calories, and since I had warmed up for five minutes before the class, I'm counting all 45 minutes of the spinning class for 6 APs. I had also done 20 minutes of upper body strength training before the class.

* I'm pretty sure someone is going to comment that there aren't any "bad" foods. I know that's true, sort of. Most people can have these foods in their house without going crazy. My sister is like that, she always keeps ice cream, cookies and candy in her house for her grandchildren. She very rarely eats any of it. She doesn't have a weight problem.

I'm not one of those fortunate people like my sister. I will eat it until it's gone, every cookie, every piece of candy or every bite of the ice cream. It's a sickness I have, similar to an alcoholic, but one I can deal with it. I just can't have those foods in my house. That's why I call it "bad" food.


Baby Stepping said...

If only we could bottle that "First Day" enthusiasm! Good job on grabbing the bull by the horns and getting back on track!!

ShellyD said...

First day here to but I'm giving WeighLess (South Africa) another go. Major caffeine withdrawals but I'll be fine.

I'm usually the largest in the Spinning class amongst the ladies. I try and keep up as best as I can. I love spinning.

Good luck!! Before you know it those size 12's will be loose again.


Mrs. Tasha said...

Would love to have you join for my Try It Tuesday post..please share with your blog readers as well. You can get the link for it and the button on my page on the right hand side! Thanks so helping me make this a success :)

Helen said...

I read an article a while back in Oprah about a woman who did a 60 Day Bikram Yoga makeover after having gone through some huge life changes. After it was over, Bikram Choudhury came through her town and looked her up. As she expressed some doubts she'd had since leaving the program he said, "It's never too late, you're never too bad, never too old, never too sick to start from scratch and begin again."

I cut that out and have it on my refrigerator.

It's never. too. late. Never.

So tell that to your critical voice.

bbubblyb said...

Diana, I'm going to confess when you say "I'm 175 lbs and feel like the fattest person in the room" it hits me hard as that's the weight I stay around these days. I've really tried to just learn to love this me at this size since I really don't want to lose more weight as my face gets to looking older and gaunt. Am I picture book perfect at this weight, far from it. But I have come a long darn way just as you have, we have won the bigger battle I think with being aware and knowing what to do to help ourselves. Will I ever be the 125 lb hard body? Nope I won't and I can't compare myself to those people they haven't taken the road I have. I am me and I think that's good enough just as you are a wonderful person and I think you're beautiful on the inside as well as outside. Sure we can work harder, we can lose those last 20 lbs but will we be accepting of ourselves then? Will it be enough? I think we have to learn to love ourselves NOW, TODAY, because that's what happiness is really about. The scale doesn't define who we are or make us beautiful.

I do get what you're saying about the excitement of going back and starting fresh with WW or anything else. It can give you the boost you might want to move down the scale again. I'm not saying don't work towards a goal. But enjoy every moment along the way and love the you that you are right now because she is good enough.

Hugs to you Diana!

Joy said...

Keep at it!! I'm hoping when I "get" there, wherever that really is, that I won't loose my enthusiasm. I know for me, I will always have to put a challenge out there. So once the weight is off, maybe I'll try a marathon, senior olympics or jump out of a plane. Something like that....I hope it works!! Hugs!

Joy said...

Ooops, maybe I should have said parashute out of a plane. I did not mean to sound so harsh :-)

M Pax said...

I found a way to have that enthusiasm at my fingertips constantly. It is how I stick. Find your passion and use it.

You're strong, you're going to be all right. I'm sure.

Natalia said...

The people in the class were tiny!

Keep doing your thing! You're gonna win this way! :) Good luck!

Alan (Pounds Off Playoff) said...

So smart to return to what was working for you. You'll be back on track in no time.

Brooke said...

You and I are singing the same tune. I enjoyed reading your post, because it is so how I feel. The newness wears off and you are left. . .

Thanks, as always, for your words. They ring true. You're my fav!! You're doin' it! Just keep on keepin' on.

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back...