Friday, October 22, 2010

The endless journey

"The Endless Journey" might have been a better choice for my blog name. There are so many twists and turns in trying to figure out the right way to lose weight or even if there is a right way, that this journey is never going to end. It's a lifelong process trying to figure out what works. 

Some people figure out what works for them very quickly in the game, some people give up and never figure it out. Then there are people like me, learning something new every single day, that have some of the answers, but certainly not all of them.

Geneen Roth's book Women, Food and God provides a lot of the answers on what's wrong with me. It works if you follow her guidelines. If you don't, it doesn't work. It's just like every other plan, you can't just read the book, attend a workshop and then forget about it. You have to continue to work at it.

What I'm finding is that it's not easy to feel the pain instead of eating. In fact, it kind of hurts like hell. It's like ripping a band aid off of a wound and the scab sticks to the band aid and now you're in excruciating pain. I'm not sure how I feel about this type of introspection into my psyche. It's not pleasant and some days I'm just not up to it.

On the other hand, I suspect it's the only way I'll ever feel okay about food. I know this is a very slow process, undoing forty plus years of using food for comfort, not facing my reality, and it isn't going to change overnight.

I haven't posted since last Sunday, four days of silence. It was an odd week where I was extremely tired every day. Each night I came home and could barely move. I skipped the gym three days in a row due to pure exhaustion. Wednesday night I went to bed at 7:30pm and woke up at 7:30am Thursday morning, twelve hours of sleep. I guess I was tired.

I have today off from work, for no particular reason. I just felt like I needed a day off. I weighed this morning and I'm 174.6 which is oddly almost exactly the weight in my blog profile. I think that was posted a couple of months ago. Although I'm not gaining weight and I'm eating well (probably a little too well), I'm not losing weight.

I'll be honest, I don't like following Geneen Roth's eating guidelines. It's  a lot harder than it sounds. My least favorite guideline is #3. I find it almost impossible to just sit quietly and eat, without doing anything else. On Geneen's CD that I purchased at her workshop, she said you should try to do this once a day in the beginning, more often if possible, and at the very least a few times a week. It's not easy.

Geneen Roth's Eating Guidelines

1. Eat when you are hungry. (Truly hungry, body hungry not mind hungry)

2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car.

3.Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspaper, books, intense or anxiety producing conversation and music.

4. Eat only what your body wants. (Big difference from what your MIND wants!)

5. Eat until you are satisfied. (This is different than full).

6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.

7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure.
I've decided on a different route to get to my goal weight. It's a hybrid of the above eating guidelines AND Weight Watchers. I realize this doesn't sound possible, but it really is possible. I can still do the above eating guidelines but also attend Weight Watcher meetings and follow their eating plan.
My goal is by December 31, 2010, lose ten pounds. That's not a crazy amount of weight in ten weeks, but it is the holidays which makes it a tiny bit harder than normal. I feel more at peace with this idea than just doing it on my own. I also know at my current weight that my weight loss is pretty slow, unless I starve myself. I have no intention of starving myself. Been there, done that and it doesn't work in the long run.
The endless journey continues...


Helen said...

First of all, many of the intuitive eating bloggers will tell you not to try to use this as a 'plan' to lose weight. Otherwise it jsut becomes another diet.

Also, there's another mindful-eating blogger out there (maybe Miz?) who readily admits they do not eat without distractions. In fact, they find that too distracting. I think with some of these guidelines you've got to figure out what works for you and what the spirit of the guideline is. If you can eat while watching TV and still savor your food and remember what you're eating and acknowledge when you're full, then what's wrong with doing that.

They're guidelines, not rules. Figure out what works for you!

bbubblyb said...

I'm with Helen about figuring out what works for you. Sounds like you have a good plan idea so go with it and see how it works.

When you said you had quit WW I will confess I thought "why?". I know for myself I need the accountability of TOPS, more so the accountability of weighing in. I think it's something I will need the rest of my life kind of like an alcoholic going to AA meetings. That might just be me. I was glad to hear you were going back. I say all the support and accountability you put in your life sure can't hurt.

I look forward to seeing how it goes for you. My goal was 8-9 lbs till Christmas. What I found was having that little goal made me more aware and it also pushed me to stay closer to 170 than to 180. I know you want to lose weight but being content where you are isn't really a bad thing.

M Pax said...

The journey doesn't end. 3 years maintaining and I'm still transforming. 3 years in the same size is a miracle for me. I can never go back to how I was before. It is about transforming. Permanently. Go at your own pace. Institute changes with the knowlege you are not going back. So make those decisions as the time comes. Too early and you don't stick. This I have learned. If I want to make the change and am ready, then I don't find it too difficult.

I'm glad you found some peace. I think that's a key ingredient. It comes down to all of us tailoring things we've learned into our own unique plan. So, you go!

gayle said...

My weight loss is so slow this time around!! I know it's better to lose slow but I want this weight off now. I'm trying to follow ww but I haven't been writing down what I'm eating and not drinking enough water. Have to do better!! It's hard but we can do it!!

Tony said...

it's a long ass journey, that's for sure...Personally I think intuitive eating is bs because the only people that works for is people who naturally have high metabolisms and don't really care for food that much.

Ron said...

Diana, I am totally with you on trying to find what works for you.... I have been trying to figure this out for myself since 1979. I am now in an "exercise 6 days a week, eat clean and healhty and hope for the best plan". LOL. I guess I expect to much.. but I thought running 3 miles 3 days this week along with 20 miles on the exercise bike would show a loss on the scale...NOT.... but I am going to keep trying!

Jaynie Martin said...

Its sooooooo not easy diana - im doing what i can when i can working on any method that helps i think we have to find what works for us it may be one particular diet or a mix of all sorts but its up to us in the end to keep trying if thats what we want and if necessary as in my case muddle my way through - stay strong it doesnt hurt to have a little time off once in a while and come back to it renewed xxx

Rettakat said...

You know what I admire about this post...about you? You don't quit. You don't throw in the towel. You keep searching, experimenting, and have the courage and honesty to say "nope, that's not for me". And then you MODIFY it to fit YOU.

That is exactly the way I approach it. Exactly.
Some of the best advice along this never ending journey has come from Mary (M Pax). She's not only lost her weight, but has maintained that loss for an impressive 3 years. So I listen when she speaks, to see what bit of wisdom I can glean.

I especially like what she said here: go at your own pace... changes made too early, before you are ready, won't stick.

So true!

I know you will find what works for YOU, and I totally support you doing it YOUR way.


Alexia @ Dimple Snatcher said...

i find that focusing on weight-loss does seem like a never ending journey. however focusing on healthful journey is understandably a life long one. be well!

spunkysuzi said...

I'm still working out what works for me!! It's definitely an evolving journey.

Grace said...

I agree that following the one about distractions is the hardest. In fact, it's so hard that I refuse to do it! lol

Diana, you are doing just fine. Life itself is an endless journey. Full of constant learning about lots of things.

P.S. Did I ever tell you that I just love your blog?

Carrieheff said...

Hey, where ya been? I hope everything is ok.