Day 4, new day, new attitude

I got home from work last night at 11:30pm. I sat in my car and cried before I came in the house. I do that when I'm mentally and physically past exhaustion. I cry. I couldn't remember the last time I cried. It's been a while. The last time was probably over work too. Seems like it always is about work.

I left my phone on my desk last night. I woke up at 4:40am, which is when my phone alarm usually goes off. I thought, well, it'll go off any minute so I should just get up and go to the gym. After only three hours of sleep I rolled over and fell back asleep. The next time I look at the clock it was almost 7am. My husband had left for work, and I didn't hear a thing (and he didn't wake me up!).

My first thought was "Oh shit! Dave is going to be furious at me." Dave is a guy that sits on the other side of the wall of my cubicle. He comes in at 5:30am and I don't usually get in until 9am. The last time this happened he had to listen to the alarm for about three hours. He didn't know how to turn it off. He told me he didn't know anything about "these fancy phones". It's just a Blackberry. Nothing special. Poor guy. I felt really bad. I called him this morning and he said it was ringing when he came in but he figured it out. I asked if that meant he'd smashed it against the wall. He said he saw the button to "dismiss".

Long story just to tell you I'm skipping the gym today. I've had five back to back, hour plus workouts in the last five days. My body is tired. I think maybe I need a day off. If it's not raining at noon I'll walk, but it's looking pretty dismal outside right now.

About my new attitude. My last several posts seem to have had a negative tone. I don't like that about myself.

Today I woke up (the second time) feeling great. I read a few really inspiring blogs this morning, Helen and Allan. They both made me realize I need to cut the bullshit and really get on with my weight loss. I mean, I ate M&Ms last night? What the hell was that about? I ate 20 total but I hardly ever eat candy. It's the first time I ate out of the candy bowl at work. Of course it was late and I was starving and I can make up all kinds of stupid excuses. Like I said, I need to cut the bullshit.

It's off to work now. I think if it is raining at noon I'll head down to our little workout room at work. It's really a tiny little room with some exercise bikes and weights and a few other oddball pieces of exercise equipment. It's enough to get in a light 30-minute workout. New day, new attitude and no excuses.

Comments

Roxie said…
It is my hope that your work day is fabulous, productive and SHORT! It sounds like such a brutal schedule.
Lyn said…
Sometimes a good cry is just what we need.

I'm right there with ya, sister! I didn't focus in November (well, I focused on getting through the winter blues) but we have a fresh new month now to blaze through :)
Vegan Chick Pea said…
Gonna keep sending you wonderful, positive thoughts. Sometimes crying at night, followed by sleep, is the answer. Best of luck!
-Nat
Glad to see the uptick. My goodness, what a crazy work schedule. (From your previous post), can't believe they took you on a glorified field trip in the middle of working nights and weekends. Not good timing, to say the least.
Grace said…
I always feel better after a good cry.

Glad Dave figured out how to turn off the alarm without destroying your Blackberry. lol

From this and recent posts, it sounds like you are working way too hard. Will you be able to take some time off around Christmas and relax a bit?

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