I did something so stupid I hesitated to even write about it. I didn't even tell my husband (and I'm not going to). It did wake me up and make me realize I really need to pay more attention to my actions.
I had one last trip to the mall today, for two gifts I didn't get on Tuesday (because the crowds were making me insane). My plan for the day was the gym this morning, then home and a shower before heading off to the mall for shopping and home before 2 p.m.
I had to call my niece this morning to let her know what time I'll be arriving in Fairbanks on Sunday. I love my niece. She's funny, witty, and loves to talk. As I sat in my car in the gym parking lot for an hour talking to her, I realized it was 9:30 a.m. I thought it best to head off to the mall and go to the gym later (and I did make it there this afternoon). Otherwise I'd get caught up in the early afternoon shopping madness.
Off I went, bluetooth stuck in my ear, listening to my niece talk about the challenges of raising three boys. I don't normally drive and talk on the phone. I personally don't think it's safe, at least not for me. It's very distracting and after a few near accidents I rarely do it anymore, but my niece really wanted to talk.
When I pulled into the mall parking garage my niece was still chatting. I love her to pieces but she does like to talk. I sat in my car for another 15 minutes, my headlights turned off, talking and laughing with her over the antics of her boys. Finally we said goodbye, and I headed into the mall.
After two hours (part of it spent trying to find the second Sephora in the mall--there are two of them on the opposite ends of the mall), I headed back to my car. I knew the general vicinity of where I parked but I didn't see my car at first. So I pulled out my key fob (which contains the key that I never use) and hit the unlock button so I could hear the location of my car. Nothing but silence.
When I'd pulled into the garage at about 10 a.m. the garage was partly empty. It was totally full at noon. Then I spotted my car. Practically right in front of me. I wondered why it didn't beep when I hit the unlock button on the key fob. I tried it again while looking at it. Silence. No lights. Weird.
As I got closer to my car I hit the trunk unlock button. Nothing. Dang! The battery must be dead on the key fob. That had never happened before but the car is almost two years old. I'd never stuck the key fob in the charger on the dash so maybe it was time.
As I got next to my car I pushed the button on the door handle to open it. It's a Nissan with a button start on the ignition and a button on the handle to unlock it. I usually don't even use the key fob except to open the trunk (or find it in a parking lot if I'm lost). As long as I have the key fob on me (usually in my purse), it opens with the press of the button on the door. The door didn't make it's normal beep-beep noise when it unlocks. It opened easily meaning I hadn't locked my car. No big deal, there wasn't anything in it. Even though I always lock it. Guess I was distracted talking on the phone when I got out of my car.
Then I got in my car. It felt like it was 100 degrees inside. This is Seattle, about 45 degrees today and it was an unheated garage. Then I realized what I'd done. I had left my car running, the heater going full blast, unlocked, in a crowded mall parking garage for two hours, three days before Christmas. Oh.My.God.
That is just about one of the stupidest stunts I've ever pulled. It's a miracle my car wasn't stolen. People steal locked cars that aren't running. I was horrified I could do something so incredibly irresponsible. I know nothing happened. The car was safe, I was safe (no one hiding in the back seat), so no harm no foul, right?
I do the same thing with my weight loss. For months I've been floating along, watching others achieve success with their weight loss goals, while I drift along, up a few pounds down a few, then up a few more, until I managed to end up in the high 170's (177.6 this morning). I don't like this at all, and I'm not happy with myself.
After all these years of me gaining/losing/gaining weight you would think I could have this figured out by now. There is one thing I do know, I have to focus on my weight loss 100%. Yes, I have to work at a sometimes stressful job. I love to use that as an excuse, but seriously, it's just an excuse, and a pretty sorry one at that. Everyone has to work and everyone has stress in their life, yet a lot of you still manage to lose weight.
Then I was sick. Then it was Christmas week. I wonder what's next, a vacation to visit family in Alaska? It's always something with me, some distraction that I let pull me away from what I really need to be doing, focusing on losing weight. It requires 100% of my focus. No more shiny objects.
It's time to end the excuses for not losing weight. If I really want this (and I do) I need to move forward. I have to work at it because weight loss doesn't just happen to me while I'm doing other stuff. I need to totally focus on it. Eye on the prize. I need to stop being a fool.