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Showing posts from November, 2010

Day three and a really quick post

I'm just getting ready to leave work (10:23pm--longest day ever!). My work life really sucks lately. I spent three days of my four-day weekend working. To say I'm sick and tired of work is an understatement. I had a three-week vacation scheduled starting December 10, but that's been delayed until December 15. I guess at least I have a job (somehow, that doesn't really help make me feel better right now).

Today was suppose to be our Rope Challenge Course team building event in Mt. Vernon. We got rained out. What a surprise, rain in the Pacific Northwest in late November. Instead we did a tour of the Everett Boeing factory. It was interesting for about ten minutes then I wanted to go back to the bus and sleep. Big airplane pieces being assembled. Big yawn. The only factoid I remember is that it's the biggest building in the world, and they build 747's. I work for an airline so I guess this tour should have thrilled me. It didn't. They didn't even allow ca…

One day down, 364 more to go

Yesterday was a pretty good food day. It was the first time in weeks that I didn't have a crazy late night binge. My binges these days aren't anything like they were three years ago when I weighed 240 pounds. I use to eat bags of candy, chips, cookies or whole cakes or pies, all in one sitting. I gave the word gluttony new meaning.

These days a binge is an extra chicken breast or a bag of light popcorn or a couple Weight Watcher ice cream bars. Or maybe all of that plus some, but all healthy foods (except the WW ice cream bars that are really junk food in disguise).

I still consider these binges, just a more healthy version of a binge. Last night I ate two WW ice cream bars and a piece of turkey breast (probably six ounces). It put me over my 22 Points (my 180 weight gives me an extra Point). Still, this is considerably less than I've been eating late at night these past weeks, hence the 6-pound gain in three weeks.

Even with an hour of cardio yesterday that was too much…

My weighin and feeling more positive

After my pathetic post earlier today about considering myself an epic failure in the weight loss arena, I almost blew off my Weight Watcher meeting. I was feeling like why should I even bother, I can't do this anymore. I'm sick and tired of trying and failing over and over.

I couldn't help thinking it doesn't do any good to go to the meetings anyway. I go, I listen, then I chose to ignore the advice. Thankfully I ignored my stupid girl voice and went to my meeting.

What was really cool about the meeting was our leader's excitement about the new program. She told us she wanted us to consider today the last day of our Weight Watcher year. This year was past and a new year was starting this week with the new ProPoints program and all new materials. She even played Auld Lang Syne at the end of the meeting and told us we had to hug each other (yes, the meetings are often a little touchy-feely, but they're fun).

After the meeting I sat in my car and looked at my w…

Weight Watchers told me I'm new...maybe they're right

I tired to change my Weight Watcher payment information last night. This morning their website said I wasn't a member any longer. After being on the phone with them for twenty minutes I'm reinstated, but as a new member.

Well, sort of a new member. I had to re-enter all my personal information and set up a new password, just like I was a new member. Luckily it still had my old weight chart information back to February 2008 when I joined the first time, but it had my current weight as 185. Funny how that 185 number popped in there for today. I didn't enter it, maybe the guy on the phone did it (he didn't ask me my weight, maybe he just figured I'd gained 10 pounds since my last weighin). I haven't weighed 185 since June 2008.

In a way, I'm a little embarrassed that I've been in Weight Watchers for almost three years, and I'm still not at my goal weight of 135. Seriously, three years is a long time to spend trying to do something that should have on…

Black Friday - Part 2

If posting once a day is good for me, posting twice must be really good for me.

I went to the gym this afternoon and had all sorts of weird technical problems. First, I forgot my iPod, which I've only done twice in three years. I almost turned around and went home, instead I suffered through my workout. Without music it was pretty miserable. The gym music is horrible. I like really fast-paced, high volume music. The gym music was turned down really low and it sounded like elevator music. Really bad.

Then my Polar heart monitor went all wonky on me, telling me pulse was 58 when I thought I was dying and my heart was going to explode. Then it was 154 when I was barely moving. It does this every few months and then it'll be fine the next day. Annoying.

After 30 grueling minutes on the treadmill I thought I'd do another 20 minutes cardio on an elliptical. Unfortunately I picked an elliptical that had problems. It would only allow a maximum of a 10-minute workout. I could have…

Black Friday in more ways than one

I stepped on the scale this morning expecting the worse. I haven't weighed since Sunday when I was 175.6. Today, I was 181.6. Six pounds in five days. Who does that? Well, me, that's who. I've easily gained ten pounds in a week without even trying. I'm some sort of freak of nature and if I was on a deserted island I'm pretty sure I'd survive longer than anyone because of my body's unique way of holding on to calories.

180 is my freakout weight. Someone once asked me if there's a weight that scares me into sanity. 180 is that weight. The reason is because at 180 my size 12 clothes are tight. At 185 my face changes. I've seen it happen. I normally have a long, slim face, but at 185 it starts to noticeably change. Of course it changes before that, gradually, where I hardly notice it, but at 185 it's like wow, who is that woman in the mirror.

A word about Marie Callendar's pies. First, I made two pumpkin pies, one using a Weight Watcher recipe…

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

It's 16 degrees right now, which for Seattle is really COLD!

I was out the door this morning at 5:30am headed for the gym (it was 20 degrees). I got to the end of our street, turned around and came home. Even though I grew up in Alaska and know how to drive in snow and ice, I don't have studded snow tires or 4-wheel drive. I decided only a fool would risk their life just to go work out.

I worked from home today because the roads were horrible so I went to the gym on my lunch. Not my best workout because I was rushed, but at least I went in spite of the roads. I increased all my weights by an extra five pounds. Even my concentrated bicep curls, I used a 25-pound dumbbell on the last set of 8. It wasn't as painful as I expected but I'm a little sore. I'm trying to amp up my strength training a little. I've been doing the same size of weights for too long, it's time to bump them up a little.

Not much else going on except that. I'm completely stressed out …

The week in review

Every day I think of something I want to post about, then every day I'm too exhausted to post. Today I'll give you the highlights of my week, and hopefully get back to regular scheduled programming tomorrow.

The weighin
My weighin wasn't great - 175.6. Up 0.6 pounds. This seems to be my destiny, and I don't like it one little bit. I'm super perfect on plan for two days and then totally blow it the next day. Wash, rinse and repeat.

What went wrong
Thursday it was a loaf of my most favorite bread. It's store bought, but perfect bread. Dave's Killer Seed Bread from Portland, OR. I love this stuff. It's very healthy, all organic and full of good stuff...but it's high in calories when you eat several slices with light Smart Balance and a drizzle of honey. I didn't eat the entire loaf, but I made a good dent in it. I don't buy it because I know I'm weak when it comes to bread. My husband (darn him anyway) brought it home from Costco. Same with …

The return of hunger

This morning I decided today is really a new beginning, square one, of me on a diet. Yes folks, it's a diet. You may call it a lifestyle change, but to me it is and always will be a diet when I try to lose weight. Lifestyle change sounds pretty and easy and sort of fun...lifestyle, nice word. Diet, on the other hand, has all sorts of negative connotations. Hunger, discomfort, frustration, anxiety, misery, a challenge. I suppose that sounds a bit negative, but I'm just calling it like it is. If it was so darn easy as some people would like us to think then we would all be skinny.

I worked out like a maniac this morning, 30 minutes on the StairMaster and 40 minutes of upper body weights. I pushed myself hard on the weights but I'm not sore yet. I was hoping for some triceps soreness with the 25-pound dumbell tricep presses. Maybe tomorrow. I define a good workout with a touch of soreness now and then, especially when I push myself like today.

My food had been good, with ever…

A walk down memory lane

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I'm typing this from my 1998 Dell desktop computer, Windows 2000. My beautiful, less than a year old Toshiba laptop hasn't been playing nice with my 23" monitor. I even bought a new monitor and new $40 HDMI cable for it, both big monitors are still red flashing lines at me. The laptop monitor is fine. I finally caved and asked my husband, the computer geek guy, to look at it. Something about the HDMI port on the laptop. Needs to be repaired. I have to take it in to the computer guys to be fixed. Bummer.

Since I can't live without a computer with a big monitor (for work stuff), I thought I'd turn on my old faithful 12-year old Dell. I hadn't really used it since my first laptop in 2004. Amazingly it booted up, connected to the internet and works with the new monitor. The grinding sound the hard drive keeps making is annoying me, but it works. Gotta love old technology.

I was looking at all the old files that I never bothered to transfer over to my laptops. App…

I had a dream

It wasn't really a dream, more of a nightmare.

Since I've been sleeping a lot more lately I've started dreaming again. Unfortunately, most of my dreams haven't been pleasant. The one I had Friday night has stayed with me through the weekend. I can't seem to let it go.

Usually I dismiss dreams as just that...dreams. They don't really mean anything, just silly junk our brain comes up with while we try to sleep.

This one was different. This one is was disturbingly a reflection of my life.

I was inside of a building, standing on a very narrow ledge along a wall. The ledge was so narrow that only the balls of my feet were on the ledge and I was standing on my tiptoes. I was very high up, and there was a cement floor below me. I knew if I fell I would die.

I was facing the wall with my hands and body pressed flat against the wall. I slowly inched along the narrow ledge sideways. I kept feeling like I was going to fall. When I looked down it was a long way to the flo…

It doesn't make it all better

After looking at my stats from last year that I posted yesterday, I started pondering why I just gave up and gained 21 pounds. I was near goal, at least the Weight Watcher goal of 155. At 158 pounds I was so close to goal that I could almost feel it. I remember being happy and proud of myself.

So what happened? Why did I just give up? Don't I want to reach goal? It appears that I don't really care anymore, that I gave up giving it my all and I'm just floating along, staying in the 170's, not really giving my weight loss much attention.

A few weeks ago a friend that I walk with on occasion asked me, "Isn't your life a lot better since you lost so much weight?" My immediate response was "No! It's not." Then I told her some things were better, I can breathe easier and my knees don't hurt. I don't get tired as quickly. I have a little more self-confidence. However, overall, I still have the same problems I had at 240 pounds, and I stil…

It's in the water

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In spite of the Halloween candy incident last weekend and the brownies I made one night this week I still had a good weighin today.

About the brownies, well, I had an argument with my husband, he went to bed mad at me. I felt sad so I made brownies, but...I only ate two and put the rest down the garbage disposal. The funny/sad thing is that I don't even really like brownies. Obviously, I still have a long way to go to overcome my emotional eating.

However, even though I wasn't perfect this week, I did a few things right:
I ate good, healthy food 90% of the time, in moderate portions.I tracked my food four of the seven days.I drank a LOT of water thanks to this guy. This really helped.I worked out like a maniac seven days in a row.I slept eight to nine hours a night. <---this one is amazing for me.Weight today, November 6:
174.6
Week loss:
-3.6
Total loss:
-64.6
There are eight weeks left in 2010. The holidays. The weeks where people skip their Weight Watcher meeting, and indulge …

It's going to be a good day

I've been up since 3 a.m. checking on my software release. Everything looks good. It went out to all locations (120+) at 2:33 a.m. I completed a couple very basic smoke tests on two machines in two cities and I think it's going to be okay. Hallelujah!

It's 4:30 a.m. now so I guess it's off to the gym. Honestly, I'm so tired I could easily go back to sleep but I need to leave work early today so I can work on my Toastmaster speech for tomorrow. Ugh! The title is "The Fountain of Youth" and it's about the importance of exercise to the slow down the aging process.

I'm going to make a room of 20 people listen to me praise the benefits of exercise for seven minutes. They're a trapped audience and have to listen. Did I ever mention how much I hate public speaking? I'm getting better and Toastmasters is a huge help, but it's not something I would normally volunteer to do for fun. It's one of those things that if it doesn't kill you i…

Yes, she's a little bit crazy

Lately I've been a little bit nuts in my postings. I'm here, there and everywhere on how I'm trying to lose weight. One week I'm quitting Weight Watchers and Geneen Roth is my magic bullet. The next week I'm back at Weight Watchers, then I'm doing Geneen Roth's plan and Weight Watchers, then I'm binging. If you're wondering what the hell I'm doing, well, get in line because I'm not sure myself anymore.

The only thing I know is that I'm not giving up. If it's not working for me, I'll try something else and I'll keep trying different things until I get this figured out.

Now a word about therapy for people that have food issues. Obviously, I have issues. Anyone that gains 100 pounds and doesn't have a medical reason for the gain, most likely has some mental issues that contributed to the weight gain.

I remember the very first time someone told me I needed to go to therapy for my issues with food. It was in 1992, the person …

Weighin update after the candy lapse

I couldn't help myself this morning, I had to see how much damage I did last night with those candy bars I ate. At 80 calories each, I ate six, that's about 500 calories over what I should have eaten yesterday (or about 10+ Points, and that's not even looking at the fat grams).

Well, I had a big scale surprise. I weigh 174.2, with my workout clothes on (same clothing as when I weighed in at Weight Watchers on Saturday at 178.2). That's on my home Tanita scales that are always right on with the Weight Watcher scales. What the heck! A four-pound loss in two days???

Maybe it was the good eating all weekend with the exception of the candy, or the gallons of water I drank (thanks to Allan for the constant reminder of the importance of water), or perhaps the three-hour intense exercise at the gym over the weekend. I'm not sure of the reason, but I'm thrilled the candy didn't totally derail me. Seeing a four-pound loss has actually inspired me to keep on track and…

Candy monster and polka dots

First of all, I don't think I can live with this polka dot look. It's making me dizzy, especially on my big 25 inch monitor I use for work (yes, I was just working on some work stuff and yes it's 5am). It's not bad on my laptop, but yikes, in big, giant living color, all these dots make me feel kind of sick.

About the candy, even though we had about 40 kids last night, and I had them taking handfuls of candy because honestly, I wanted to run out of candy and turn off the lights and rip off that ridiculous wig...we still wound up with a bag of 150 pieces of candy. The good stuff.

Right before I went to bed I grabbed a handful, a mixture of six bars, Twix, Almond Joys and Milk Ways, and I ate them. Oh well. A little lapse.The candy is going to work today, to the communal kitchen we all share on my floor. It will most likely be gone by noon. :)

I'm just about ready to pull on my workout clothes and head out to the gym. I think I'll do the StairMaster today and a …