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Showing posts from 2011

It's going to be a long and busy day

Just had breakfast of an egg, thin slice of Canadian bacon and English muffin. It as a frozen store brand, Fred Myers here, but probably Kroegers in the rest of the world. It was a "Lite" version at 220 calories. Not sure of Points since not in Weight Watcher scan app, and I'm too rushed (or lazy) to put in the PointsPlus app. Love these app. Sort of tasty, fast breakfast.

Great visit with my sister last night. She couldn't stop crying when she saw me. I told her I sure hoped they were tears of happiness and not sadness. She laughed.

Husband is here and we're heading out to see my sister this morning, then appointments and then the house (the dreaded house and mass of paperwork).

No internet until I get home on Sunday morning.

Happy New Year!

Fairbanks, Alaska...hell has frozen over

I'm in the hotel dining room and just had a quick dinner of a salad and a hamburger patty. I took off the bun, and just ate the patty with the lettuce and tomatoes. I said no fries and a salad instead, they still  brought the fries and the salad. They're the skinny, seasoned fries and look really salty. I didn't eat any, didn't really even want them. I honestly can't remember the last time I ate beef. Actually, it tasted pretty good.

About Fairbanks, the most God-forsaken place I've ever been when it's thirty-three degrees below zero. I can't believe I lived in the interior Alaska for thirty years before I left here. I forgot how miserable it is when it's this cold. It literally hurts.

It was pitch dark when I got here at 3:30pm, and so cold I thought I had frostbite by the time I got the car scraped off (covered in ice and snow). It has awesome heated seats...a new requirement for any future Fairbanks rental cars in the winter.

I had a bit of an a…

Really? Fairbanks again?!

I swear I have the most dysfunctional, crazy, weird family in the world, and I don't mean that in a good way.

After weeks of listening to the whining and complaining about cleaning out their mother's house, one of my nieces (the most crazy of the crazy) called me yesterday (the first time since she changed all her phone numbers a month ago). She demanded to be paid for her time for helping her mother by cleaning out her mother's house, as well as for her gas for driving the six miles to the house.

Oh.My.God. Are you serious?  Yes, she was serious and NO-FREAKING-WAY will she get paid. I don't get paid and darn it...you don't get paid. May I remind you, this is for your mother! I'm just totally flabbergasted over this latest event. Who are these people?! Their mother, my sister, practically dedicated her life to them and this is how they repay her?

After contacting my attorney, I decided to fly up to Fairbanks tomorrow night. Friday morning I'm having all th…

Giving Weight Watchers a chance

I went to my Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday. I adore, love, admire, respect and practically worship my Weight Watcher leader. Every time I go to one of her meetings I learn something new, and in the process, I get entertained because she's really funny (and smart and sweet). I'm very fortunate to have such a wonderful Weight Watcher leader.

A little history about me and Weight Watchers. I joined in February 2008. I'd joined before, a few times over the years, but I never stuck with it for more than a week. This time, I was on fire. My first blog post was May 13, 2008 (in my "Old Diana's Journey"...long story on what happened and why I had to create a new one). I followed Weight Watchers to the letter. I did exactly what they said to do and guess what? It worked!

It's weird to go back and look at those old posts. I kept writing posts, almost every day, putting my heart and soul into each post. Back then, no one read my blog and no one ever commented. …

Merry Christmas

Instead of crying myself to sleep last night, I went on a house cleaning rampage. From 8:30 p.m. (when my went to bed) until 4:40 a.m. I cleaned house like I was on speed. I even had a cup of coffee at 10 p.m. to keep me going, and it worked.

The house is spotless, at least the kitchen, dining and living room. Cleaning isn't something I enjoy, but it's a mindless task that kept my hands busy (no night-time eating).

After three hours of sleep, I got up and we put up the tree. We can't find the angel for the top. She's missing. I need to go out to the store anyway to get a few gifts for my husband, so I'll pick up another tree-topper angel. I'm sure the old one is packed away in the garbage somewhere, but I can't find it.

I thought about my sister when I finally crawled into bed. It's truly a sad situation, but there's nothing I can do to make it better. Just make sure she's in a warm, safe environment with good medical care.

A few people mention…

Trying to find the spirit of Christmas

I'm not in a very festive mood this Christmas. After a lot of debate about whether we should go to Fairbanks, we decided against it. The trip would be rushed since I have to be back at work on Tuesday. We chose Christmas at home.

Home...were there isn't a single Christmas decoration or wrapped gift. I haven't sent a single Christmas card this year or purchased a single gift. I'm just not feeling it. My husband is following my lead. I guess my dark mood is contagious.

My husband has asked me numerous times what I want for Christmas. I keep telling him nothing because it's the truth. There's nothing I want this year. No cool new gadget, no new clothes, no jewelry, nothing. There's nothing that can make me happy.

I know Christmas is more than decorations and gifts, and that's where I'm really feeling sad. My faith is shaken. I can't find any explanation why such a dreadful, horrible thing has happened to my wonderful sister. None of it makes any …

What you should know if you have a stroke

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Please note:  if you don't want this entire post, I beg of you, scroll to the bottom and read the part about stroke symptoms. It's extremely important. Paste it into an email and send it to everyone you know and love.
Where has the time gone? I haven't posted for four weeks. Have I really been that busy? 

I have been busy with trying to keep my sister's medical and financial manners in order. It's not an easy task and not one I would wish on my worst enemy. Lesson learned from this catastrophic event: DO NOT HAVE A DEBILITATING STROKE! More on this later.

I've been busy with work. I'm back at it and have a giant, scary project in front of me. Scary, as in I don't know how the hell I'm going to meet my deadline.

I've also been getting back into a daily exercise routine, which is something that was severely lacking for the last three months. Since my sister's September 21 stroke, I have not made myself a priority. My sister was number one on …

Weight Watchers...it was like going home again

I love Weight Watchers! Actually, I love my Weight Watcher leader, Janis. She is absolutely amazing, and very inspiring. She makes me think, makes me want to do better and best of all, she makes me laugh.

The thing about Weight Watchers is that it makes you focus on eating healthy, something that calorie counting alone doesn't really require. I feel excited to be back on a plan. Of course, this means what I eat and how much I exercise will become somewhat of an obsession for me (again). But that's okay. It's what I need right now

Now for the weighin, the post Thanksgiving Day weighin where I ate too much, including pumpkin pie and apple pie. The apple pie was a frozen pie made by Plush Pippin. If you've never had a Plush Pippin pie, well, you haven't lived. They're the best! It's all gone now, so now worries about it until Thanksgiving 2012. The Plush Pippin factory is actually in Kent, Washington, very near to where I live. Funny story but about ten years …

Weight Watchers...again!

I quit Weight Watchers several months ago, right before I broke my wrist on August 6. It had lost it's charm, and I never like the new program that was introduced a year ago. Eat all the fruit you want "until you're full" confused me.

I started using the BodyMedia in August and dropped twenty pound in three months, but I've put some of that weight back on. Life happened, and I stumbled.

My sister had a major stroke, and I was in Fairbanks for six weeks of the last nine-week period dealing with a lot of family drama. These are excuses for my slip, but for once in my life I'm cutting myself a little slack on gaining weight.

The last few months have been hideous. It's not over yet, but I see some light at the end of the tunnel. I'm returning to Fairbanks tomorrow for five days. A lot of very serious financial decisions have to be made to secure my sister's future. I have meetings with a real estate attorney, an estate planning attorney, a tax account…

High-bred diet????

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with my brain. Sweet Ida posted that a "hybrid" diet of Weight Watchers and Body Media would probably work for me.

I read "hybrid"and thought "oh...so that's how you spell it!". I wrote "high-bred" diet this morning. It didn't look right and of course spell check didn't catch it either. Sometimes I scare myself with my stupidity.

Today didn't go well for eating or exercising. 4:30am wake-up call from work for a problem in Montana, then no gym because I had a 7 a.m. physical therapy appointment, then to work. No time for gym or breakfast, and no time to drink water today.

I came home feeling like I was starving to death. Overate.

Tomorrow will be better...I'll have a "high-bred" day of good eating and good exercise. :)








The dreaded Monday morning weighin

Today's weigh in:

181.4
My last weigh in was on October 31, and I was 173.4. That's an eight-pound gain in three weeks. Ugh! It just proves I have to be vigilant and borderline obsessive when it comes to my weight and what I eat.

I have work to do. The Big Climb is March 25, 69 floors in the Columbia building in Seattle. Last year I was 176 pounds for the Big Climb, and it was hard! My goal this year is to weigh 160.

Four months and twenty pounds to lose.

Now I need a plan! I'm tossing around the idea of rejoining Weight Watchers. It helps me to weigh in every week with someone else. That alone is worth the $40/month, plus I love my Weight Watchers leader.

Most likely I'll still do my calorie counting because I love my BodyMedia. It's weight loss plan is exercise, calorie counting and journaling (online). Maybe a hybrid diet of Weight Watchers and BodyMedia. Sound good?




A gain of 5 or 6 pounds? Who did I think I was kidding?

I'm all dressed for the gym. My BodyMedia is on my left arm, along with my Polar Heart rate monitor (which I LOVE!). I've entered my food into the BodyMedia website, calories consumed (so far, 867 and it's 3:45 p.m. - I allow myself 1500).

I noticed something. My workout shirt feels snugger. In my last post I casually mentioned I thought I'd gained a few pounds in the last ten days. The shirt I'm wearing, a t-strap tank, is definitely tighter than it was ten days ago. I remember it billowing around me and that it felt too big. Now it fits, but I prefer the "billowing" effect.

I still haven't weighed. That alone is a sign that in my heart I know I've gained probably more than a "few pounds". My last weigh-in was October 31, 173.4. I bet I'm at least 180 right now, or even more. I know my body. It feels heavy. I felt it yesterday on the StairMaster, the strong pull of gravity when my body gets to a certain weight.

So far today the food…

I am...my sister (well, sort of)

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Joyce, 1992...on their property in Alaska, before they built their house. This was an old travel trailer where they stayed on weekends while their house was being build. Check out those legs.

 This is Joyce November 13, 2011. She'd just had her first shower in five weeks. Since she started eating again two weeks previous to this picture (after four weeks of not eating anything), she decided she wanted to get better. I'm doing her hair. She was beautiful after the hair and makeup, but the pictures of her with the family were weird. Something was wrong with her smile. It was more of a grimace. Her best friend told me I couldn't show them to anyone because Joyce would be horrified.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joyce update (my sister, 73 years old, had a stroke on September 21, 2011)
I'm home and filled with emotions.

My last post was the day of the court hearing. That day was actually very easy. Even though I was a little nervous sitting in front of a judge, in a court room,…

Today is the day

I haven't discussed the real reason I'm in Fairbanks because it was kind of top secret. Since all involved parties now know why I'm here, and the court hearing is at 11 a.m. today, I can talk about it.

On Tuesday of last week I received two very disturbing phone calls. I'd only been home for three days, having returned from a three-week stay in Fairbanks to help care for my sister in her home (two weeks) and then help her transition to an assisted living home (another week).

The first phone call was from the owner of the assisted living home where my sister resides. She was very upset regarding my crazy niece's last two visits to my sister on October 30 and 31. The first visit involved my niece and four teenage boys she brought with her (two children were my niece's sons and two were another niece's grandsons). There was a lot of disruption, with my niece screaming at the boys to behave and then demanding the staff make lunch for the four boys. Not only was…

Greetings from Fairbanks

Last night I remembered why I moved away from here 25 years ago. It's too cold!

For the first time in my entire life, I arrived at the airport here in Fairbanks and there was no one to greet me and give me a ride to their house. It used to be my mom, then my sister and her husband, then just my sister, then my crazy niece, then my almost depressed niece and her husband, and now....no one.

My brother offered to pick me up, but he lives about 20 miles from the airport. Since I was going to my hotel and renting a car so I wouldn't be stranded for a week, I told him there really wasn't a need for him to meet me at the airport.

It was an odd experience to come down the stairs to baggage and not see a smiling face greeting me. I didn't cry, but there certainly was a feeling of loss.

I got my bag and picked up my keys for the rental car. Walking out to the car in freezing cold and dark at 5:30 p.m. was quite an experience. It was at the end of parking lot at the airport. It&#…

Leaving on a jet plane...again and again and again

For the third time in almost six weeks I'm sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to Fairbanks. Thanks Google for the free wi-fi at SeaTac.

This trip is going to be a hard one, but what I have to do is necessary. Ethically and morally I don't really have any other options. I can't go into details right now, but I'll post about it after it's all over.

58 days of tracking
I was inspired by Tony's post, Kim Kardashian 72 Day Trim Down. I have also needed to get back to tracking my food. Since my sister's stroke almost six weeks ago I haven't tracked a single day, not even one meal. I have a plan for this trip, I'm going to track all my food. It's the start of the Diana 58-day Trim Down plan. There are 58 days until 2012.

I would love to get to 160 by 2012. It sounds like a reasonable goal. Two months and 13 pounds. It's not a crazy number, although it is the holidays. Add in that there's going to be a lot of pressure on me the next f…

Insanity: is it contagious?

A lot has happened since my last post.

After a disastrous lunch with my craziest niece last Saturday, where I attempted to make peace with her, I flew home on Sunday. There is no reasoning with a crazy person. Lesson learned.

I was an emotional basket case when I got home. For the first time in my life I felt like I was losing my mind. After weeks of barely sleeping, even though I was taking Ambien nightly, I felt crazy. Add to that an incredible amount of stress because of my sister's situation and my totally insane and evil niece, I couldn't stop crying. My husband couldn't comfort me, nothing made me feel better. Even sitting in the back yard here at home, with the sun on my face and the fall leaves falling around me with my kitty chasing after them, all I could do was cry. I cried for almost twelve hours straight.

I realize I had just gone through five weeks of high stress and little sleep, but I also believe the Ambien was messing with my head. I decided to forgo the …

Can it really get any worse?

First, a huge thank you for all of your kind words and support. I read every comment and they fill my heart with gratitude. Each comment is very much appreciated and greatly lifts my spirits.

Friday was a horrific day. We moved my sister to the assisted living home for hospice care. Even though I had explained to her several times that she was moving so her daughter (the insane one) would come visit her, at the last minute my sister decided she didn't want to go. It was beyond horrible. The crying and moaning tore my heart into pieces.

After she was moved by ambulance she became non-communicative.She didn't want anything to do with any of us. She fell asleep or pretended to fall asleep. My crazy niece came by for five minutes and then left.

Crazy niece didn't even visit yesterday. I was there all day and had a great visit with my sister for several hours. My other niece who is now seriously depressed only stayed a few hours. She was diagnosed as clinically depressed for t…

Death becomes her

Today marks day 30 since my sister's stroke, and also day 30 of no food and very little water.

It's a strange thing, watching my sister die. Each day, a little more of her slips away. She's a little less aware, a little thinner, and laughing a little less.

Yesterday was a wretched, horrible day. She can no longer get out of bed because it's too painful. Her paralyzed side, with all it's intact and working nerve endings, tortures her with pain if we try to move her even half an inch. Her doctor, who makes house calls, said it's not worth it to move her and have her in so much pain. The morphine sublingual drops don't even help with that intense pain. She doesn't want to move and since the time is short, she remains in one position, on her back, where she is the most comfortable.

I spent several hours alone with her yesterday, as she sat in bed, staring out the picture window, looking at the river and the snow. I did everything I could to make her smile. …