Monday, February 7, 2011

Monday, Part II - How a binge starts

My second post for today...avoiding a binge

It's 10:21 p.m. This is usually when it starts, the beginning of my nightly binge. It always starts innocently enough. Right now it's been about four hours since I ate dinner. I feel a little bit hungry. I'm not starving, I just feel like eating something. Lord knows I can't have a slight hunger pain and not take care of it immediately.

I've thought of all the things that I could eat that would be considered an acceptable snack. I've eaten 32 Points today, which is a large amount of food (I'm allowed a minimum of 29).

I've had three pieces of fruit today, two apples and a banana. I make note of this because fruit is suppose to have zero Points. However, I counted a Point for the banana. That's how I've customized the Weight Watcher plan for myself. Bananas have Points on "my" plan. I decided I needed some sort of ground rule for certain fruits. This is because I ate four bananas at one sitting a few days ago. You may find that unbelievable but it's the truth. Therefore, certain fruits that I would overeat have been assigned a Point value. Apples are safe. I don't think I've ever eaten more than one apple at a sitting. Of course, this is totally against the new Weight Watcher plan, but it's working for me.

Right now, I'm thinking I could have a little snack, maybe a low-fat piece of string cheese for 2 Points. Or a Skinny Cow low-fat fudge bar or maybe another apple (they're organic Fuji's and they're delicious) or perhaps a Dreyers frozen Pomegranate bar. Maybe some baby carrots, they're organic and super sweet. Or a glass of ice cold fat-free milk. I love milk. Maybe it would make me sleepy. Or a small piece of left-over chicken breast from dinner or maybe a Franz thinwich with some maple pumpkin butter (1 Point for a tablespoon). Or microwave popcorn, the Smart Pop brand that's low in Points.

The problem here is if I eat one thing, I can't stop. I'll eat everything I've listed above. Yes, everything. Well, maybe not the carrots, but everything else. I know myself well enough by now that I'm about 99% sure that's what would happen. I would once again ruin a perfect day of eating on plan, a perfect day of exercise, with a binge.

Instead of eating and chancing a binge, I've decided to wait until tomorrow morning to eat anything. I'm sipping water, writing this post. I'm wondering if I can sleep when I feel hungry. It's been a long time since I even tried. Then again, I can never sleep anymore anyway so why would that make it any different than any other night.

That's how a binge starts. This is how I'm stopping it in it's tracks...I'm not going to start. I'm very tired and feeling sleepy. I'm going to bed now, and I'm feeling like I'm in control of my actions. I will not eat until tomorrow morning after 6 a.m. That's only seven hours from now. Surely I can last seven hours without eating.

Good night.


Rettakat said...

Awww, big kudos to you for arresting a long-time habit! Looks like your hunkering down is paying off. Good job!

Roxie said...

Diana, I hope you awake feeling rested, refreshed and wonderfully at peace with yourself for having worked through a binge urge last night.

Helen said...

I've put myself to bed many times, simply not to eat. There's something about getting snuggled in with a good book that makes me too lazy to want to get up and go downstairs to raid the fridge.

Hoping that you did put yourself to bed and now you're smiling and having a wonderful 'Break' Fast.

Kelly! said...

I don't understand you my dear friend. You post these entries talking about how you cannot let yourself start eating because you are too weak to stop. you don't believe you'd have the strength to stop. But all i see here is strength. You have this amazing self awareness in which you DO know yourself. And so maybe you'll have to wait till tomorrow to eat again. You know what you have to do to control yourself and that is a powerful knowledge. One that many people, including myself, do not have. So while this entry is putting out negative energy, Diana there is positive in it! You go girl!

M Pax said...

I agree with Kelly. You are stronger than you realize.

I found if I break my routine simply by going into a different room, my impulse for evening snacks changes.

Dawn said...

Well done stopping a binge...thats a serious achievement. A binge isn't just bad in terms of food, its the negative effect it has on our heart and soul. You stopped one, which is so strong and shows what an achiever you really are
Well done