Slip slidin' away
Not only was I struggling with food, which I've come to accept, but I felt myself slipping when it came to exercising. I woke up Wednesday and thought I really didn't feel like working out, so I didn't. I skipped the gym. Thursday was a huge struggle, but I forced myself to go. Friday I skipped the gym again. I didn't even walk at lunch or do the stairs this past week. This isn't my normal routine. It's almost as if patting myself on the back for doing a good job at something, somehow sabotaged myself.
I still managed to work out five times last week, for a minimum of an hour to an hour and a half each time. I suppose to most people that sounds like success, but because it was such an unusual struggle for me, I tend to think of it as being a failure.
Yesterday I felt more like myself and got in an intense hour and a half workout. This past week made me realize how easy it would be, at any moment, for me to just stop working out, to simply give up. I'm not sure where these feelings are coming from. Maybe it's my lack of success at losing weight lately is now spilling over into the one thing I've considered a success, my exercise routine.
Whatever is going on in my head, I'm determined to overcome it. I'm back to the "just don't even think about it as an option, just do it" attitude towards exercising. If I think about anything too much, I tend to over anlyze it and ruin it for myself.
Exercise is like brushing my teeth. It's not optional. If I don't want my teeth to fall out, have a lot of pain as my teeth rot, and spend hours in a dentist chair (not to mention a lot of money), I have to floss and brush every day. If I don't want my body to fall in disrepair and become unhealthy, and spend a lot of money on doctors and medicine to only life a life of pain, I must exercise almost every day. There really isn't any other choice. That said, I feel like I'm back on track with the exercise.
My eating and my weight
My eating is a continual battle for me. I'm still not at peace with food, and sadly, I doubt I will ever reach that place that so few seem to enjoy.
I went to my Weight Watchers meeting yesterday and weighed in at 180.4. Ugh! This is NOT where I want to be.
My biggest problem is the night time eating. Every time I think I have beat this problem, it comes back to haunt me. Nothing seems to work.
Things I've tried, that have worked temporarily:
1. Eat dinner super late, at 9 p.m. This helped, but then I don't sleep well with a full tummy.
2. Eat a late night snack of five Points. This helped too, but see #1.
3. White knuckle my way through it. This just makes me angry, and I can't sleep. Usually I cave a few hours of restlessness and binge.
4. Drink tons of water. Temporarily stops the hunger, but then I'm up several times going to the bathroom. Interrupts my sleep, which I already have problems sleeping through the night.
5. Go to bed earlier. Then I can't sleep, see #3.
6. Brush and floss before bed. This has absolutely no affect on me. I can always brush and floss again after eating.
I know this night eating is a mind game I play with myself almost daily. I know it can't be true hunger because I eat a lot during the day (all 29 Points plus some). In order to maintain my 180 pounds, I would have to eat a lot, so it's obvious I'm not starving myself.
Tonight I'm going to try something different. The thing that has worked on occasion is the late night snack of five Points. I'm going to try that again tonight, and if I find I can't sleep, I'm going to post about it in real time. Instead of remaining quiet about my failures, I'm going to share them with you. I don't want to be slip slidin' away.