Showing posts from April, 2011

Finding joy in food / 183.6

I've been following this young lady's blog for the last couple of years. She follows a vegan diet and eats very healthy. She maintains her prefect healthy weight through eating natural whole foods.

What amazes me is when you look at the food she prepares it doesn't look at all like "diet" food. She uses wholesome ingredients and never mentions calories. She eats real food.

Since obviously what I've been doing isn't really working for me lately (like the last year or more), I thought it's time I take a different approach to my eating. Instead of constantly going for the totally non-fat, sugar-free, lowest calories food, I'm going to try eating more whole foods and fewer processed foods.

I'm going to stay with Weight Watchers and will still count Points and track my food, but I want to eat different food. A woman (or man) cannot live by chicken breasts and Brussels sprouts forever.

I attended two Weight Watcher meetings this week, one on Wednes…

I do NOT like this book

The book
I'm on chapter two of A Course in Weight Loss, 21 Spiritual lessons for surrendering your weight forever, by Marianne Williamson. I wonder, exactly what does "surrendering your weight forever" mean?

I've decided this book is a bunch of crap. Lesson two is even more stupid than lesson one. It's titled Thin You, Meet Not-Thin You. I got about four pages into this lesson and realized I don't like this author.

Marianne talks about Divine Mind, and "One in Whose hands it will dissolve forever". Seriously? Sounds kind of Harry Potter-ish to me. If she's talking about God then why doesn't she just say "God"?

When I read "Fat cells will dissolve permanently when they are dissolved through the power of love." I almost couldn't stop laughing. That's news to me. I thought those little guys were with me for life. I knew they could shrink, but I didn't know a little love could get rid of them.

I'm sure she wa…

It should be called: A course in pain

Last night, after my husband was asleep and the house was quiet, I sat down with my book, A Course in Weight Loss. I was determined to tackle chapter one, tearing down the wall. The wall being all the things that are stopping me from losing weight.

With a heavy heart and a feeling of dread, I picked four words that reflected emotions or feelings that I I feel very strongly. I chose the ones that were the most important to me. Ironically, they were the first four words in the list of twenty-six.

My choices were:  Shame, Anger, Fear, Unforgiveness.

I sat at my computer and went conscious (versus going unconscious). I wrote out everything I could about those feelings. I cried. I felt sad. I remembered some things about my past that I had forgotten and had put away because they were too painful to deal with. According to lesson one, I need to deal with them now in order to lose weight.

The most powerful emotion in my list is Anger. The anger I hold in my heart stems from something that h…

I made a deal with the devil

Well, the deal isn't actually with the devil, but with Marianne Williamson.

First, the bike ride
I just finished my first bike ride of the spring. I rode once last February when we had a sort of nice day, but today the weather was perfect. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE bike riding? It's my favorite way to get in my cardio, and according to my heart rate monitor I burned 550 calories just bike riding (it's only eight miles but very hilly).

I stopped at the gym on my return and completed a full hour of upper body weights doing a new routine. I found a DVD I purchased about three years ago but never watched until this morning. I watched it and wrote down the exercise to do at the gym. I work out better there than I do at home. The routine uses dumbbells only, nine exercises, three sets of 15 reps, three exercises each for deltoids, triceps and biceps. It took me the entire hour plus to finish the routine and my arms ache now. Then I rode my bike home. I was/am exhaust…

Learning to love....myself

Since I didn't feel very good this morning, I decided to stay home from work today. Instead, I curled up in front of the TV where I discovered Ruby on Netflix. I had a Ruby marathon. I've never watched her show. I spent three hours watching Ruby and her weight struggles, and reading weight loss blogs.  It was a perfect day.

Around 3pm I decided I'd better go to the gym. Watching Ruby kind of scared me. Ruby and I have too much in common. I can see how I could easily slip into my old lifestyle, eating poorly and not exercising daily.

After the gym I went to Barnes and Noble. I had to have the 4HB book right now. 4HB is The 4-Hour Body: An Uncommon Guide to Rapid Fat-Loss, Incredible Sex, and Becoming Superhuman. I know, silly title, but a few people have recommended it and it seems to be working for them. I thought maybe something new would work for me since I've been struggling for the last several months.

The 4HB book is a huge hardback, very thick and very large. I g…

Why I'm so hard on myself

Originally, the comments were off on this post, but I seriously hate it when someone posts something and I have something to say and can't. Makes me just a bit crazy. So I turned the comments back on, in case there are other nut cases out there like me. :)

I've been thinking about writing this post for a very long time, probably years.

Almost weekly I get a comment on my blog that's basically the same thing, asking me the same questions:  Diana, why are you so hard on yourself? Why don't you love yourself for who you are now?

I get these same comments in my real world too. Well meaning friends often ask me why I'm so negative about myself, why I'm continually putting myself down, beating myself up over my weight as well as many other things. Even when I had lunch with Grace and Roxie in March, Roxie said the same thing to me (said with compassion).

I know these comments and questions about how I don't value myself are said from the heart and meant to help…

I want to write a good post, I really do

I had a plan for a thoughtful post tonight, based around a really kind and sweet comment I received yesterday (thank you Rebecca!).

I had an exhausting two days sitting in a training class where I was bored out of my mind. For some reason, that just wore me out and now I just want to sleep.

In addition, my lower back and is killing me, and it's because of a new exercise I tried yesterday. The inch worm. It looked simple in the book. Just stand up, feet flat on the floor, shoulder width, and bend over from your waist. Put your palms flat on the floor in front of your feet. Don't bend your knees. Walk out your hands (right, left, right, etc.), until you're in a full pushup position but walk your hands out even further out i front of you, then walk your hands back until you're bent at the waist again. Sounds really easy, right?

The guy in the video isn't really doing it correctly because he's bending his knees, they're suppose to be straight, but you get the …

Learning from my past

Reading some of my old posts from when I started Weight Watchers in 2008 made me realize just how obsessed I was back then on getting to goal. There was no stopping me (so what the hell has happened?).

In five short months I lost 60 pounds. On February 19, 2008 I weighed 239 and on July 7, 2008 I weighed 179. I was down 60 pounds. By February of 2009 I had lost a total of 84 pounds and weighed 154.6. I wasn't obese or even overweight, I had a normal BMI. For about five minutes as my weight starting bouncing up and down for the next two years.

After reading some of my old posts from that first year I saw some huge differences in what I was doing then versus what I'm doing now.

Tracking what I eat.
Then:  I was fanatical about tracking my food. I weighed and measure EVERYTHING and used the online eTools to keep track.

Now:  I often start out the day with the best intentions to track every bite, but usually by late afternoon I quit tracking. I often don't tack anything after …

The rock climbing experience

Yes, that's me, climbing the wall today.
I have never gone back and read any of my old posts. Until tonight. I wanted to find the post from the last time I went rock climbing. It was February 6, 2009. Here's the blog post.

It was on my "old" blog. If you don't know the history of my old blog it has to do with an online "fight" I had with a guy named Tony, the Anti-Jared. It was very ugly, and becasue of it, I shut down my blog. The entire incident reminds me of some of the online stuff I see these days between bloggers. Really stupid. Of course I immediately regretted my knee-jerk decision about shutting down my blog in February 2009, so I started a new blog, same title (this one). 

As I was going through my old posts trying find the rock climbing one, I read several of them. I use to put a lot of thought into my posts. I was also very determined to lose weight and be healthy back then. As I read through my posts from 2009 I started wondering what hap…

Pretty funny & Climbing the Rock

A comment left on my last post titled "Fewer candy bars, more vegetables":

"On Wed, Apr 13, 2011 at 7:10 AM, hrgottlieb <> wrote:
hrgottlieb has left a new comment on your post "Fewer candy bars, more vegetables":

I wonder if your readers would benefit from a good resource for candy fundraising ideas? There are tons of different candy fundraisers to consider. But not all candy fundraising programs are the same."

Can you imagine me with a couple cases of candy in my house, for "fundraising" purposes? Pretty freaking hysterical.

Climbing the Rock
Remember my post from a couple years ago about my 25th anniversary with my company. Probably not. I can't even find the post, I think it was February 2009, so that's in my "old" blog (long story). I weighed 166. I always remember my weight. I chose rock climbing as my activity of choice for my team. So off we went to Vertical World in Seattle.

So, here …

I'm a happy girl again!

My coworkers are hysterical. This was my cubicle today (and it's a mess). The red flag means stay out. No one has been allowed to talk to me for the last twelve days. Today someone put up the police tape. I didn't even notice it when they put it up, and I was in my cube. I had my headphones on and was totally focused. It's like I've been in solitary confinement.

After twelve days of feeling like I was in the depths of despair in my job, a miracle happened today. Seriously. I'm not a kidding. A real miracle.

First of all, I've never been this frustrated over a work project. I've had difficult tasks, but I've always had enough time to complete them. This time I was under the gun. After taking over something from a coworker, I had twelve days to complete something that after I got into it, I realized would take at the bare minimum a month, and to do a good job, probably a couple months or more. Of course, by the time I realized this I was knee deep with th…

Fewer candy bars, more vegetables

My last post was titled "into every life a little rain must fall". That theme continued throughout the week and into my weekend.

Yesterday, Saturday, I drove into the office so I could do some heads down coding, without the interruptions at home. I was there for twelve hours.

I took an hour break and drove over to a Bally's gym in Kent. I'd never been to this gym before but it was 5 miles from my work so it was convenient. Even though I got in a a 30-minute elliptical workout, it was probably the worst gym I've ever visited. I felt like I was going to hit my head on the ceiling when I was on the elliptical.

To annoy me even further there was some goofy guy standing right in front of me doing weird stretching exercises and wiggling his butt back and forth, sticking it up in the air. He did these odd stretching exercises for twenty minutes. It was very odd, especially since the gym was almost empty and he could have chosen a more private location for his obscene…

Into every life a little rain must fall

The Rainy Day

Written at the old home in Portland, Maine by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

I've written several posts this past week, each one sadder and more depressing than the previous one. I didn't publish any of them. I couldn't bring myself to share my sadness with the world.

This morning I had written an entire post about the misery of my life. I had started it with the poem above. My wo…