Sunday, April 17, 2011

Learning from my past

Reading some of my old posts from when I started Weight Watchers in 2008 made me realize just how obsessed I was back then on getting to goal. There was no stopping me (so what the hell has happened?).

In five short months I lost 60 pounds. On February 19, 2008 I weighed 239 and on July 7, 2008 I weighed 179. I was down 60 pounds. By February of 2009 I had lost a total of 84 pounds and weighed 154.6. I wasn't obese or even overweight, I had a normal BMI. For about five minutes as my weight starting bouncing up and down for the next two years.

After reading some of my old posts from that first year I saw some huge differences in what I was doing then versus what I'm doing now.

  Tracking what I eat.

Then:  I was fanatical about tracking my food. I weighed and measure EVERYTHING and used the online eTools to keep track.

Now:  I often start out the day with the best intentions to track every bite, but usually by late afternoon I quit tracking. I often don't tack anything after lunch ad get very sloppy about weighing and measuring my food. I guess on portion sizes, which is a huge mistake.

Then:  I was a crazy woman about exercise.

Now:  I'm still pretty crazy about exercise. Although reading about my workouts in 2008 versus my workouts now, I was really into trying different routines, new exercises. At the moment I'm in a bit of a rut. I work out on most days, but it's basically always the same routine.

Then:  I rarely missed a Weight Watcher meeting.
Now: I seem to continually come up with excuses to skip meetings. I wasn't going to go yesterday (Saturday), but my husband asked me point blank, "why do you keep paying $40 a month and you hardly ever go to a meeting?". I went to the meeting, and I was one of the best meetings I've ever been too.

Then:  I read a lot of blogs back then and left comments on those other logs. I had a lot more readers that left comments.. I remember how much so many people there helped me along my path. People were always encouraging and kind.

I posted on my own blog almost every day.

Now:  I have a few faithful folks out there that leave comments, but I haven't been returning the favor like I did in the past. I know how much I appreciate comments, so I'm pretty sure the rest of the bloggers feel the same way. In the blogging world what goes around comes around.

I think about blogging every day, but I often go days without posting anything.

Then:  I had really high hopes for getting to my goal weight. I was excited, and I just knew I'd make it.

Now:  Lately I've been overridden with guilt for gaining weight, and fear that I won't be able to stop the weight gain. My enthusiasm has dwindled to almost nothing.

Goal Setting

Then: I was always setting mini goals for myself and even though I didn't always make them, at least I tried.

Now: I don't set goals, or if I do, I don't even try.

Health Eating Guidelines

Then:  I really paid attention to Weight Watchers Healthy Eating guidelines. I took them seriously.

Now:  I try halfheartedly, but since I don't keep track of my food, I'm obviously not keeping track of the healthy eating guidelines foods (ex. 2 teaspoons of healthy oil, three dairies etc). 

Posting my weekly weighins
Then:  I posted my weight every week.

Now: I almost can't remember the last time I posted an official Weight Watcher weighin.

My self-assessment of where I am now

The last several months I haven't really been trying to lose weight. I feel like I've barely been hanging on.

I know what to do and how to do it. I have a proven track record that shows I'm capable of losing weight. I say I want to lose weight, but I don't make the effort it takes to get there. I know that losing weight takes hard work. Just like most good things in life, you have to work for it. It doesn't just happen.

Basically, I have a lot of work to do. I need to address every one of the items above. Those are the things that worked for me in the past and they can work for me again.


This Old Woman said...

Diana, I hope you don't mind that I take your 'Then' and make it my 'Now'. I remember coming across your weight loss journey when you first started, and I thought, "this girl has it together!" Wish I would have followed your advice back then. I've lived the yo-yo life from hell. But no more!
I understand about not being able to blog every day. And even though I still read a lot of blogs, I don't comment as much as the blogger deserves.
Thanks for the inspiration your post today has given me.

Ron said...

Hey Diana,
I don't think I really have tried to loose weight in over a year, I think I started trying again two days ago, care to join me?

Carrieheff said...

Wow, what a great reminder for all of us. Now, you can use the "then" as guidelines on how to succeed "now". I can too! Thanks for that!

hopefulandfree said...

Oh boy, my first comment here that's not anonymous and I'm gonna start with something that might sound like a criticism. Please forgive if too long or inappropriate...

It sounds like maybe when you backed off some of the "then" activities/behaviors your motivations or impulses may have actually been quite healthy, and oriented toward finding more balance and harmony for your own changing needs. So, I don't think you need to be hard on yourself, now, or start re-creating what worked in the past. Maybe you can TRUST (yourself) that you were changing for good reasons, and give yourself more credit for seeking greater balance. The fact that you didn't instantly discover the route to equilibrium suggests that you were probably trying out a variety of different ways to live in peace with your desires. That is admirable!

So, maybe looking to the past for some direction is a great idea, but not necessarily in the sense of re-establishing old patterns of behavior. Instead, perhaps, focus on the many beautiful attempts you have been pursuing to broaden your life's meaning beyond weight loss/dieting/exercise. Try to recognize how amazingly you have been challenged by various circumstances beyond your control, such as your struggle with insomnia, and appreciate the great things you have learned that have no direct relationship with weight loss.

From here, I see a beautiful, interesting, intelligent, caring, kind woman who maybe struggles to recognize those wonderful aspects of herself--and maybe seeks to find that self recognition through weight loss. Sigh. Again, I apologize if this is too intrusive or inappropriate.

I've been a long-time reader here and at Pamela's (where I've enjoyed your comments too). I guess I'm hoping you see that you are whole and wonderful no matter what the scale says. Also, you can enjoy movement and exercise playfully without seeing it as a means to an end, in terms of weight, but a way to feel more joy and contentment.

Respectfully, Rebecca

Janell said...

It's sure been an unbloggy kind of spring for lots of blogger peeps I know. Wrestling with lack of enthusiasm is a hard one. It's like the foundation. Some how you've got to get it back...I used to read books about people who had 'weight issues' for inspiration. Maybe that would work.

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back...