Saturday, May 14, 2011

Day 1 down and the rest of my lift to go / 188.6

This is only the beginning, again
I made it through yesterday, eating exactly my PointsPlus allotment of 29. I only had three servings of fruit all day (my personal limit), but lots of vegetables. I even managed to follow all the healthy eating guidelines (except for dairy - I can never get in three dairy a day).

The day wasn't without challenges. It started first thing in the morning when I opened our refrigerator in the garage to check on how many fresh vegetables and fruits were on hand. It's our "overflow" fridge when the one in the house is full. There wasn't a fresh vegetable or fruit in sight in the house fridge. I honestly don't think my husband would ever eat either one if I didn't insist on it.

Instead of fresh fruits and vegetables in our extra refrigerator I found a giant cheesecake from Costco with two slices missing. What the hell?! My husband gave me some lame excuse that it was for a party at work but he forgot to take it into the office so he decided to have a couple slices. I'm not sure if that's the real story, but he insists it's true.

When I got to the gym BOTH of "my" StairMasters were out of order. Seriously, both of them, how could that happen? I had my heart set on a good StairMaster workout. It's the cardio machine that gives me the biggest bang for the buck, easily getting my heart up in the 140 range. It's just about impossible to cheat on the StairMaster (because people are watching me it's embarrassing to slow down the speed).

Instead of the StairMaster I decided on an elliptical workout. That's when my iPod stopped working. It wasn't that it wasn't actually working, but the wheel thing stopped working. It was on a low volume, which I couldn't adjust. I couldn't get to a playlist, but had to listen to the songs with the performers listed alphabetically. I had no idea I had so many Black Eyed Peas and Britney Spears songs. It was really annoying. I finally took the time to sit down on the floor and do the reset thing and now it works just fine. Of course this was after my cardio workout, which by the way was hell. The fatter I get the harder it is to do cardio.

I didn't binge last night or eat anything that wasn't planned yeserday. Everything was entered in the online eTools. That's the first time I've done that in about two weeks.This is just the beginning. I have the rest of my life to stay on plan.

What I learned the last two weeks
There's something I've learned from my week of "not really eating that much" but gaining five pounds. It's that I have to pay attention to what I eat. I almost have to be obsessed by it. I will probably never learn to "relax" and "be at peace" with food. I know a lot of people are capable of doing this, and not stressing out about their food and they learn how to eat "normally".

My lesson learned is that I'm not one of those people. We're all different in this world and what works for a lot of people doesn't work for me. My peace with food means that I have to be completely committed to eating healthy and smaller portions, and I have to aim for this commitment 100% of the time. I can't go off for a week and eat full-fat cheese and candy whenever the mood strikes me. The resulting weight gain is simply not worth it.

Of course, I realize I can't be 100% perfect all the time, but it's my goal. I'm not a failure if I fall off now and then, but I can't fall off for an entire week.

Now I'm off to plant my Gerbera Daisies I bought at Costco this morning (where I stocked up on fresh fruit and vegetables, salmon and chicken...and no cheesecake!). They're so gorgeous I can't wait to get them planted and take a picture to post here tomorrow.

Then the gym later today when it's suppose to start raining at 5pm. Right now it's 61 degrees and sunshine. Around here you've got to enjoy that sun while you can, because it'll be gone in a few  hours and not return for days (Seattle, need I say more).


Jenny S said...

Way to go, Dianna. I love reading your blog with its raw honesty about life. Great job on your first day of success. I'm sure many more are to come. You are an inspiration, even at your Holy Shit 190 pounds. :)

Dawn said...

i love the stairmaster best too but i don't know why..I just feel great after I"ve done it
Well done for getting through the day and the new start...well done

hopefulandfree said...

Oh, I love Gerber of my favorite flowers. Gorgeous colors and wonderful foliage!(Mine winter-over in pots that I keep in shed.)

I've thought about exactly what you wrote about here, regarding being "normal" with food, etc. I've really worked on that. Sitting with food, for instance, at meal time and just looking at it and smelling it for several minutes before eating. Also, practicing eating very slowly and deliberately with as much pleasure as possible. Sort of teaching myself that delayed gratification and eating well actually enhance the pleasureable aspects of life.

Also, I eat chocolate every day because it is my favorite food of all time. I eat one serving. (I'm afraid what I might do if they ever stop selling my brand. That part is not "normal".) :)

But, I feel normal a lot of the time. And then every few months, WHAM!, some weird hunger thing hits for a few days and I either ride it out or choose to do a very intentional high fat feast, for a few days, whatever it takes, no guilt allowed. It isn't emotional eating. It's a physical need. Once it's satisfied, it goes away.

Anyway, I sympathize with the gain. Hard not to feel disappointed.

Mainly, though, you're not going into PANIC mode, which is being very SMART. And no self-recrimination. Just calm observing and learning. That is GREAT. Looks like significant progress from here.

All in all, it sounds like you've got this. Hope your gym equipment runs great the rest of the week (month, year...). :)

hopefulandfree said...

Ugh. I need to buy an "EDIT" setting for my brain. Please come to my blog and write a post, as long as you please... :)

The title of this post is a joke, there's no new me. It's just the same old me, doing the same old stuff. Just for fun, I went back...