Monday, August 22, 2011

It's a quarter after one and I need...

It's a quarter after one and I need...a dry cast! I walked for an hour and a half last night at 8pm. The evening was gorgeous. It was 81 degrees with a nice breeze. I was really pushing myself which resulted in a disgusting and very sweaty cast. I've been tucking Kleenex in it and soaking up the sweat. It's totally gross, cold and clammy and really wet. Next I'm going to try the hairdryer. I was asleep for three hours but the cast woke me up because it's so uncomfortable.

My walk
I found a new trail and I'm very excited about it. It's the same BPA trail in Federal Way, a  ten-mile paved loop from my house where I use to ride my bike (too fast...hence broken wrist).

Last night I discovered there's a dirt trail that runs next to the paved trail. It's separated by brush by about 200 feet in most areas. I like this a lot better because the terrain is a lot rougher, much hillier, and fewer people. I had a much harder and more interesting workout last night. Although, I think I'll be buying a can of pepper spray because it's a bit secluded.

What my husband said about my diet and exercising affecting our lives..what I didn't tell you
I was mad and hurt at first. I told him I didn't choose to be like this and it sure as hell wasn't fun for me either. I'd love to eat whatever I wanted whenever the mood struck me (like he does), but if I did I would easily gain 100 pounds very quickly, and more. It's my cross to bear in life, this thing I have with food. I'm doing the best I can, but it will always be a battle for me. Always.

He tried to continue with his reasoning that it causes a lot of hardship for HIM. This isn't the first time we've had this "discussion". I didn't back down before, and I certainly didn't this time. He has no concept of deprivation when it comes to food. He never looks at calories or carbs or fats, or any food label. He's never heard of nor does he care about my BodyMedia.

He's not skinny and needs to lose at least 50 pounds, but he refuses to count calories or track his food, and he basically eats whatever he wants, when he wants it. If he's hungry, he eats. Nor does he exercise except 'working' in the yard.

So when he tells me that me being on a diet all these years has been hard on him, I just want to scream. I sort of understand it, I guess, in a tiny, insignificant way maybe it has impacted him.

I don't cook fat-laden, delicious meals like his mother did when he was growing up.

Or maybe I do always check out how many calories in an item before I eat it, or pick a restaurant based on what's available that I know is healthy and I can eat without totally ruining my diet.

I never eat movie popcorn with him. Does this stop him? I wish it did, but it doesn't. I don't say anything either, like 'do you know how many calories are in that?! OMG!'. I keep my mouth shut and don't make an issue about it. I'm not a popcorn fan so it doesn't bother me, but I know it's very unhealthy for him.

Birthday cakes, I have a sliver then the rest gets cut up in pieces and frozen...all for him.I still haven't figured out why he keeps buying birthday cakes for me (I guess he likes cake?).

Then he told me he resents all the time I spend working out. Those were fighting words. He apparently has no concept of how hard it was, and sometimes still is, for me to exercise almost every day. I consider this a major achievement in my life, to be a person that works out consistently. I've been doing this for over three and a half years and plan on doing it the rest of my life. And he "resents" it?

That's when the conversation took a bad turn because that really me me mad.

I told him I wasn't changing. This was all for my heath. Period. I wasn't going to ever stop my vigilance with food. I will continue to exercise until I'm physically unable to do it. I told that I was sorry this was such a hardship for HIM (I didn't scream it, but I wanted to). I also told him if I didn't do these things I could guarantee him I'd gain a lot of weight very quickly. Didn't he remember how miserable I was at 240 pounds? Talk about not being fun! I was very unhappy..

My husband isn't an ogre nor is he stupid. He quickly apologized, told me he was proud of me, of how hard I try and how much I work at being healthy. He would never want me to stop (that was the correct response if he wanted to stay married).

On the other hand, I'm trying to lighten up a little. That was why I agreed to the all-you-can-eat seafood buffet at a casino. Although in my head I was dreading it (no nutritional info so I had to make my best guess on calories)  and I knew there was no way we'd get our money's worth on my dinner.

It's all good. I'm still counting calories and still exercising, and we're still married. :)


Dawn said...

Sorry to hear about the stinky sweating issues. I guess I should be thankful I can take off my compression stuff everyday and wash it. I don't know if I could handle that though I'm sure I would too if I had too. I feel for you Diana.

As for the hubby stuff you know I can identify. Hopefully like Mike finally getting on board maybe your hubby will too. If not at least I hope next time he just keeps his mouth shut lol. Men just don't always understand.

spunkysuzi said...

I totally understand the stinky/sweaty problem!
Some times (ok a lot of times) I just shake my head at some of the things men say :)