Listening to our inner voice
My inner voice told me yesterday that my goals for my weight loss were too aggressive. They were doing me more harm than good. Every day was a challenge to meet them and almost every day I failed. On the rare day I did meet my exercise goals, I was practically dead from fatigue.
Even though I'd love to consider myself "Very Active", it was a path to failure. I wanted to stay on a two-pound a week loss schedule, but if I moved less, that meant I'd have to eat less. 1,500 calories consumed and 2,500 calories burned daily are my new customized goals. I set attainable exercise too, 90 minutes of moderate exercise daily (not all of this has to be gym time), and 10,000 steps.
Last night at 8:30 p.m. I realized I only had 8,500 steps. Not happy. Food had been perfect, and I had almost two hours of moderate exercise, which included gym time and some housework. My inner voice said, well, what can you do to fix this? Too late to go for a walk. The gym is closed so I couldn't go there (I wouldn't anyway that late at night).
We were watching The King's speech on DVD (great movie) when I decided to walk in place and watch the movie. In about 15 minutes I made my 10,000 steps. My husband thought I was a nut, but nothing new there. My kitty was annoyed because he couldn't sit on my lap, but he got over it.
When it was time for bed, I couldn't sleep. Exercise that close to bedtime is never a good idea for me. After tossing and turning for about an hour, I finally got up and took an Ambien. I hadn't taken one for three nights. I'd sworn off Ambien because of some bad night eating experiences where I thought it was a dream, but it was real (strawberries and hummus).
Before I took the Ambien I had a conversation with myself. I realize this sounds a little crazy, but I told myself that the Ambien couldn't make me do anything that I didn't want to do, and I did NOT want to get up later and eat. I'd eaten almost 1,300 calories of healthy, nutritious food. I wasn't hungry, so there wasn't a need to eat more. I would use the Ambien as a sleep aid and not an excuse to eat mindlessly. I was in control of my actions, not the drug.
I woke up at 5 a.m. feeling rested and hungry. My first thought was "Did I eat anything last night while I was asleep?". From my hunger pains I was pretty sure that was a no, but I went to the kitchen just to make sure. During my sleep walking episodes I always left evidence, like dirty dishes in the sink or strawberries strewn about the floor (which became cat toys and I'm still finding strawberries in the oddest paces, all rotten and gross now). There was no evidence of sleep walking and eating. The kitchen was spotless, just like how I left it last night.
Maybe I am in control of my own destiny. At least last night I listened to my inner voice for once. Perhaps I will do that more often.