Then the "natural progression" of the original stroke has changed it from a "mild" stroke to a catastrophic event. Everything has become increasingly much worse each day. Now she can barely mutter, she can still shake her head yes and no, but is often confused by the question. Her right side is completely paralyzed. Saturday they said she has expressive aphasia, but she still understood everything we said.
Now there's some receptive aphasia too, where she doesn't understand what we're saying. It seems to come and go. She can't write with her left hand since the signals from her brain to her hand aren't working, although she has a tight grip in the left hand.
This is my beautiful, wonderful sister that I love more than anyone in this world. She's always so classy, so sweet and kind to everyone and always does the right thing. She's one of the funniest people I've ever met and she always gets my jokes. We would get into laughing fits when we were together. I'm so glad I spent ten days with her last July.
This is my only sister. She's seventeen years older than me but we've become very close in the last ten years, since our mother became very ill and died. She's the sister I spent eight days in the in Anchorage in a hospital, never leaving her side as we watch her husband of 51 years die of massive coronary heart failure.
Two weeks ago we talked for about three hours on the phone. One of the things we talked about was the horror of a stroke, not being able to speak, and being paralyzed. We both said it would be a living hell and would much rather die. She has also said for two years that she just wanted to die because her heart was so broken and she was so lonely since her husband died.
She was barely eating a bite of food since she came into the hospital. Two days ago she decided to completely refuse all food, water and the medicines they had started her on. I know what she's doing, she's trying to kill herself the only way she knows how. She wants out of her living hell.
This is my sister that has always been thin so it probably won't take long. The doctor's are talking about moving her to a hospice. It's breaking my heart. She's 73 which seems so young, but I know it's her choice and it's what she wants. Even if she worked really hard in rehab, she would still have a lot of paralysis and they don't know if the speech will ever come back. This would be unacceptable to my very active and independent sister.
My nieces, 45, 47 and 49 are begging her to stay, for them. I want her to stay for me too, but I really just want for her to be out of this nightmare. Who will I call on Saturdays and talk to for hours about everything? Who will I laugh with until I'm bent over in tears and a coughing fit from the laughing? I miss her so much already. Life really does suck sometimes.