Sunday, October 23, 2011

Can it really get any worse?

First, a huge thank you for all of your kind words and support. I read every comment and they fill my heart with gratitude. Each comment is very much appreciated and greatly lifts my spirits.

Friday was a horrific day. We moved my sister to the assisted living home for hospice care. Even though I had explained to her several times that she was moving so her daughter (the insane one) would come visit her, at the last minute my sister decided she didn't want to go. It was beyond horrible. The crying and moaning tore my heart into pieces.

After she was moved by ambulance she became non-communicative.She didn't want anything to do with any of us. She fell asleep or pretended to fall asleep. My crazy niece came by for five minutes and then left.

Crazy niece didn't even visit yesterday. I was there all day and had a great visit with my sister for several hours. My other niece who is now seriously depressed only stayed a few hours. She was diagnosed as clinically depressed for the past 17 years and is on a multitude of drugs, bipolar,anti-anxiety, anti-psychotic and several anti-depressants. She's a sweet girl (well, 46 year old woman), but she's not much fun to hang out with. My brother came by a couple of times, bringing me his laptop and a giant TV for our sister's room. He's a laugh a minute so he hung out with us for a few hours.

My sister napped off and on, but was awake most of the time I was there, from 9am to 7:30pm with a break when I went out to lunch and Walmart (yuk!) for some nails to hang pictures. She told me which pictures to hang and where. Her wedding picture made her cry and cry. It was so sad I thought I was going to die. She started talking very sweetly to the picture, and touching her husband's face in the picture, and cried. I told her it was okay to cry. It was just me and crying wasn't a bad thing. I couldn't understand her words but I think she was saying how much she missed him and loved him. I told her I knew she missed her husband of 51 years, and I told her how lucky she was to have been treated like a princess for all those years. We both cried and I held her.

We had a lot of laughs yesterday too. I was trying to adjust her pillows and was having a heck of a time getting them in the position she wanted without pulling her hair. I told I was sorry I was Nurse Ratchet from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest but I was never trained in pillow fluffing. She yelled out "Ouch!", then laughed and laughed. She still has her sense of humor.

It was a really great day with her. The people that work at the home are really nice and the owner that lives there is amazing and a great help in helping me accept this situation.

Unfortunately my crazy niece called me when I got back to the hotel. She wants to get a morphine patch put on her mother so she'll be basically unconscious. My sister has sublingual morphine drops for pain, which work fine when she needs them. She doesn't need a patch with constant morphine.

My niece got hysterical when I told her that her mother was drinking a lot of water. No food, but water. My niece insisted I was pouring it down her throat or holding the glass. I'm not, my sister holds the glass and drinks it.

The conversation went really bad when I lost my temper over the morphine patch and then Linda said she couldn't visit because she "has three young boys" to take care of. I've heard this excuse thousands of times in the last four weeks. The "young" boys are 16, 14 and 9 and she has a husband that's perfectly capable of caring for them. For the very first time in four weeks I completely lost it and called her a stupid, crazy bitch, and I was sick to death of hearing about her "three f--king boys". Yes, not my finest moment but honest to God, I've had it with this woman. She may be my niece, but when this is over if I never hear her whiny voice or see her ugly, angry face again, I will be happy.

I just want my sister's final days to be peaceful and comfortable. I want her to laugh and not be afraid and worried. Water is part of comfort care. My niece wants to withhold water, but fortunately it's in my sister's living trust to provide sustenance such as water and bread for comfort, just no feeding tubes. The morphine patch is ridiculous. She doesn't need it.

I've blocked my crazy niece's phone numbers from my cell phone (there's an app that does that). If she visits her mother today (highly unlikely), I'll leave until she's gone. My hotel is two blocks from the home, so not a problem to just leave for a while. I know if she does visit it'll only be for a few minutes. Without me there for her to attack, it'll be better for everyone. Luckily for me her reputation is well known. I talked to Adult Protection Services yesterday and they knew all about the crazy niece. They work with the local hospital and had already received phone calls about my niece.

Did I mention during the four days I was in Seattle she went to the hospital business office demanding to see someone in charge? No one was available so she laid her body down on the floor, blocking the entrance into the business office. She was physically carried out by security. Just one of her many crazy stunts these last four weeks, documented by the hospital and the police.

My husband is flying up today. When I broke down a couple night's ago after a crazy niece encounter and couldn't stop crying so I could even talk to him, he said he'd fly up. I can't wait to see him.

I'm sure today is going to be a better day. I'll avoid crazy niece, and I get to see my husband. And I still get to make my sister laugh.





14 comments:

Dawn said...

It's so very hard to watch someone you love decline. My heart breaks for you. Having to deal with the crazy niece I know doesn't help either. I'm glad you will no longer put up with her craziness. I'm also glad you will have your husband there for comfort soon. Honestly her in the hospice place is probably for the best so the care doesn't all fall on you and the other niece. It will give you a break in the evenings too. Hope your sister will be with her dear sweet husband soon. *hugs*

Ron said...

So sorry you have to go through this ordeal with your sister, and very sorry you have to deal with all the craziness. It is hard enough alone, without all the bull crap. Sounds like you are handling it in a manner like I would. My thoughts are with you and I hope for peace for each and everyone of you. Take care of yourself !

Lyn said...

Diana, my heart just breaks for you and your sister. It is so touching to read about your care for her in her final days. You are a good sister. She is so blessed to have you there. I hope your husband is a pillar of strength for you when he comes. This may bring you two closer as you support each other in this terrible time. I am still praying for your peace and your sister's.

Carrieheff said...

My heart is breaking for you too. I really don't know what to say or have any words of comfort, so just know there are people out there praying for you and thinking about you!

Beth said...

Your sister is so lucky to have you walking this road with her.

Anonymous said...

Diana, thanks again for sharing so openly what you are experiencing. I have a feeling we are all learning some valuable lessons from what you are having to go through. One thing I am so impressed with is the positive things that you see to be thankful for. You mentioned the other day how beautiful she looks right now (particularly her blue eyes), you mention the laughing and the sense of humor you, your sister and your brother all have. In such a sad time, when I read your writings I am always surprised at some of the uplifting thoughts or positive things you mention. I am so glad your husband is coming to be with you during. I have a feeling as someone else mentioned that it will bring you both closer. I totally understand why you are distancing and cutting off interactions with the crazy niece. At this time the focus should be on your sister and not the niece and all her drama. I'm very sorry for the other niece as it sounds like she has a lot on her plate with her chemical imbalance and losing her mother who has been such a strong support to her. Take care of yourself and know that we are all here praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

so glad for you that the hubs is coming up. you've been so wonderful to your sister. over and above what anyone else would/could do. when it's all over you'll be able to sleep well at night knowing you helped your sister get to where she wants to be. god bless you and your family as well (even crazy niece too) i'm sad for her. she is suffering beyond words... xo Patty

Grace said...

I am so sad for you, Diana. It's bad enough to go through this without having a crazy person add to the stress. I think you are wise to stay away from her. I'm also glad your husband is coming up to help you through this.

Take care, my friend, I continue to say prayers for you and your sister every day.

Kyle Gershman said...

Sorry I've been absent for so long and to return to your blog under such circumstances...if I've learned anything about you in these past couple years is your unyielding strength...best wishes.

Dawn said...

So sorry, how can it get any worse, yet it does. Hold on tight to those happy smily memories of good moments, good conversations You know they say you know when you're living time that will become memories? this is one of those times, these closing days with your sister will be days you will cherish forever and however nuts the crazy niece is, she cannot steal the memories of the time you spend with your special sister. Thinking of you all the time
Dawn

AnaVera said...

You are a wonderful sister and person, never forget that. I can only imagine how that must be, dealing with such heartache, and then getting more stressed out over unnecessary drama. Good for your hubby to be there with you, because you need some taking care of yourself! Prayers for strength...

Mer and Mo said...

Thought about you this morning and sending you good thoughts. I hope that having your husband there is helping with comfort. Praying for you and the family.

MO

Dawn said...

Thinking of you and your sister today x

Deniz said...

What a loving and beautiful sister you are, Diana. I so wish that neither you nor your lovely sister were having to go through this but I'm so glad you can be together and still laugh together. Hope your hubby will be a big support when he gets there. Take care and know that my thoughts are with you.

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