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Showing posts from May, 2011

Happy in Seattle...sort of

Maybe "happy" is an exaggeration, but at least I'm not heartsick. Well, not totally anyway.

My heartsick post stemmed from me losing my two best buddies at work, both in the same week. Next week they're both moving to different teams. They'll still be on the same floor, and they'll still be my friends, but it will be different. Right now I know these two guys always have my back. I won't have that anymore.

Life goes on and since there's really nothing I can do about this situation, I have to get over it. I'm trying my best to stay positive, but it hasn't been easy. In my almost 28 years with my company, I've worked in several different areas and different cities. I've always had at least one and often two or three "best" friends at work. You know the kind of people I'm talking about. The kind where you can vent, and that you can trust 100%. The people that make you laugh when you feel like crying because you're so str…

Heartsick in Seattle

Yes, that would be me. I found out today that my other best friend at work is leaving my team. I knew he'd applied for a different job, and although I wished him the best, I secretly hoped he wouldn't go.

This is the second person to leave my team in one week, and they're my two best friends on the team. A year ago my absolute best friend on my team left the company. Now in one week I've lost my other two best friends at work.

These guys are more than just coworkers. They're actually friends. They help me with problems, they were my go-to people when I wanted a second opinion, and I felt like I was the same for them. They made me laugh even during the most difficult situations. I sort of feel like I'm getting divorced or something.

I feel really, really sad. Heartsick as Hopeful and Free would say. I know life goes on, but it's not going to be the same. I like the other people on my team. They're all nice people, but I just don't have the same typ…

Get over it! (cheesecake) / 185.4

Cheesecake
Yes, I had a piece of that Costco cheesecake last night. It disappeared from the refrigerator, and I thought my husband had put it in the garbage (he purchased it while I was in Fairbanks). Actually, he froze it. I found it last night and not accidentally, but on purpose. I went searching for it.

After a great day of eating and no exercise (never made it to the gym last night), I had a 12-Point piece of cheesecake, (the nutritional information is on CalorieKing.com). I only had one slice (1/16th of the cake) because that's all that I could find.

The verdict: Get over it Diana! It didn't lead to some big, crazy all-night eating binge. I ate some extra salmon later in the evening (leftover from dinner), five tiny Clementines, and a bag of SmartPop popcorn. None of this was planned. I put everything into eTools, and yes, I had a 53-Point day yesterday (I'm allowed 29).

It's not the end of the world. I'm not mad at myself for not being perfect. It was jus…

Rambling Monday / 185.4

I'm back at work. wonderful, lovely work. I found out one of my best friends on my team accepted a position on another team. It made me want to cry finding out he's leaving. True, he'll only be about ten cubicles away from me on the same floor, still, it won't be the same. Things change, people come and go, it's called life. Sometimes it sucks.

Today is day four of the rest of my life. Three days in my pocket where I ate healthy, tracked my food, and worked out each day at the gym for an hour. Three days. Doesn't sound like much does it? Yet it makes me feel strong and capable of staying with this plan. Seeing the 185.4 on the scale this morning made it worth it. "It" being the hunger I felt these last few days. I'm starting to become accustomed to the slight feeling that I want to/need to eat. Often I don't even know if it's real or all in my head.

The 190.6 I saw last Friday morning was horrifying. I didn't really express how upset …

Sleepless in Seattle / 186.6

My night from hell
Last night was a real struggle for me to not binge. My husband went to bed at 10 p.m. since he was exhausted from yard work. Although I was tired from pulling weeds and planting the Gerbera Daisies and Lobelia (they're beautiful), I didn't feel sleepy. This always happens when we get a nice spring day here, yard work up the wazoo. Today it's back to gray skies and rain. Although I have to admit, everything is a brilliant emerald green, hence the label of the Emerald City.

I had managed to drag myself to the gym at 5 p.m.,and got in an hour and twenty minute workout. It wasn't something I wanted to do, but I told myself, very firmly, that not going to the gym wasn't an option. I'm dying without my StairMaster, and was forced to use the elliptical again for cardio. It's not my favorite, but better than the treadmill or the stationary bike. I lifted weights for forty minutes, but noticed I felt weaker than normal. The 20-pound dumbbells fel…

Day 1 down and the rest of my lift to go / 188.6

This is only the beginning, again
I made it through yesterday, eating exactly my PointsPlus allotment of 29. I only had three servings of fruit all day (my personal limit), but lots of vegetables. I even managed to follow all the healthy eating guidelines (except for dairy - I can never get in three dairy a day).

The day wasn't without challenges. It started first thing in the morning when I opened our refrigerator in the garage to check on how many fresh vegetables and fruits were on hand. It's our "overflow" fridge when the one in the house is full. There wasn't a fresh vegetable or fruit in sight in the house fridge. I honestly don't think my husband would ever eat either one if I didn't insist on it.

Instead of fresh fruits and vegetables in our extra refrigerator I found a giant cheesecake from Costco with two slices missing. What the hell?! My husband gave me some lame excuse that it was for a party at work but he forgot to take it into the office …

Home sweet home / 190.6

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The wicked weigh-in May 13, 2011

The first words out of my mouth this morning when I stepped on the scales for the first time in over a week:  HOLY SHIT!

190.6

The last time I saw this number was June 2008 (I checked my stats). I'd been on Weight Watchers for about four months at that point. I had gone from 240 to 190 in five months. I passed it quickly and never returned. Until now.

To say I'm horrified and scared is a BIG understatement. Have I been beating myself up all morning? You bet.

I gained five pounds in seven days. I didn't think I ate that poorly, but it would appear I was wrong. I barely moved off the couch in seven days since my sister was still recovering from pneumonia. She was doing much better and just had a mild cough, but she was very tired. Normally, she goes to the gym five days a week, every week. She's been doing this for over three years (she's 72 and normally the picture of health).

All week all of us (my sister and two adult nieces) sat a…

Going home today

I'm still in Fairbanks, getting ready to pack up my suitcase and flying home to Seattle later today.

I've had a great seven days with my sister. I'm so very blessed to have her in my life. Even though there's 17 years difference in our ages (she's 72, I'm 55), we have a very close connection.

It's funny that we are so close now, but we barely had a relationship at all for the first 47 years of my life. We lived in different states, she was married with four children. I didn't marry until I was 33, and I never had children. We thought we had absolutely nothing in common.

Then our mother, that we both adored, became ill about eight years ago. We spent three weeks together, taking care her. Just my mom, who was very sick, my sister and myself.

We discovered a lot about each other during that time and realized we have a lot in common. In fact, it's almost like we're the same person. We have the same sense of humor, the same view of life, and the sam…

Walking a tight rope (and falling off the rope) / 186.8

For me, a fat woman trying to become a normal, mentally balanced woman and be at a healthy weight, my life is like walking a tight rope, and I keep falling off the damned rope.

My last post on Saturday was about enjoying food. Well guess what? Stupid, stupid, stupid idea! I went crazy, trying new recipes, all Weight Watchers or from weight loss blogs. There are many wonderful recipes out there that are healthy. The trick, though, is to eat just one portion. When the food is delicious and I really enjoy it, I struggle with the portion size.

I made Weight Watcher Chicken Tortilla Soup from the new Weight Watchers cookbook (from Costco). I've had the book for months, since the PointsPlus program came out. I hadn't even cracked it open. The soup is wonderful, but a serving is 1 1/4 cups with 1/5 of an avocado. Not three cups with a whole avocado!

I tried several other recipes since Saturday. I've been a cooking machine. I've also been an eating machine.

Sometimes, I'm…