Showing posts from June, 2011

Going to hell in a handbasket

I haven't blogged for so long that when I went to sign in this morning I hesitated for a moment because I couldn't remember my password. I've thought about blogging, but when things aren't going well, I don't like to blog about it.

I had been blogging for months about how poorly I'm doing with trying to lose weight. Same shit, different day. I know it must be boring to read, and it sure is boring to write about too.

I was called this at 3:40 a.m. today with a severity one work issue. Sev 1's mean it has to be resolved within 30 minutes or a conference phone bridge is opened, and managers and directors from several areas of IT get on the bridge. It's not at all fun. In fact, it's downright stressful to the bone. Especially when you're the one in the hot seat trying to resolve the problem. In the past two weeks, I've had five Sev 1 calls, and several sev 2's (almost as bad, but not quite). That's unheard of, but it happened. The proble…

Buck up Buttercup

I'm starting to get over the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know I'll get through this thing at work. At least I have some time to figure it out. It's not like I'm suddenly out of work. I really do love the company I work for and the thought of leaving it hurts my heart. Leaving is just one option, there are others. I just have to figure it out. It's at the very top of my list of things I'm worried about. Like I needed another one.

My husband and I talked about it today. He kept telling me it would be okay, that we'd figure it out (I think he meant "I'd" figure it out, but he said "we" out of kindness). Even though I know that's true, it will be okay, it's hard to believe it at the moment.

I made it to the gym today, after I made a new playlist on my iPod. It wasn't my best workout, but focusing on how fast I could go on the StairMaster really helped, at least for the thirty minutes I was on it.

I didn't d…

Struggling with life / 189.2

This continues to be my theme for the last several months. Today is no different.

Yesterday something really awful happened at work. It has to do with me and my future with my company. I'm not fired or anything like that, but my current position will be phased out in about two years. This means I absolutely must make some major decisions about my future. A different career path with the same company (almost 28 years here) or perhaps a different company. I'm almost 56 years old and this is very scary.

I've known this was coming for about a year and even though I knew it, I tried not to think about it. Yesterday I decided to have a heart to heart about it with my manager and talk through what we'd briefing touched on in a meeting about a year ago. It did not go well.

I left work early and cried all the way home. I still have a lump in my throat and continue to feel I'm right on the edge of crying. She only stated the truth, so I don't fault her. It's somethin…

Blue Monday

Why a blue Monday you ask? Well...

1. My eating was a off this weekend. I felt like I was starving all weekend and overindulged in healthy foods. I gained almost two pounds. 189.2 this morning. Ugh!

2. After an awesome workout Saturday and a lazy day afterwards, I had a ton of chores to catch up on yesterday. I ended the day with some sort of hay fever attack (probably from all the dust as I cleaned like a maniac).

3. Because of the hay fever, which I couldn't get under control with Allegra, I took Benadryl (aka knockout drug). When I woke up this morning after a fitful night of nightmares, which included a continuing saga of dead and live mice, I woke up exhausted at 4:45am (my normal get up and get to the gym time). I skipped the gym this morning (shame one me).

4. The battle with the slugs continued yesterday. My two hanging baskets by the front door (purchased at Costco), look pretty good. The two I made myself that were pretty when I first hung them actually looked hideous.…

Weekend update / 187.4

It's Saturday! I love Saturday. It's my favorite day of the week. It's the first day of the weekend, with thoughts of relaxation and doing what I want, when I want to do it. Well, sort of. It often turns into housework, laundry, shopping for the week, and then collapsing at the end of the day.

Last weekend, by the end of the weekend I was drop dead exhausted from cleaning, normal weekend chores, and yard work. Sunday night at 6pm I decided to wash my car, which turned into a two-hour chore. This weekend I plan on doing the bare minimum of housework, and a lot of relaxing.

Speaking of  yard work, can someone explain to me why my poor little flowers look stunted from the cold weather, lack of sun, and an over abundance of rain, yet the weeds are more prolific then ever?

My hanging baskets, that are usually in their full glory by now, look pretty much the same as when I bought them three weeks ago. I know it doesn't do any good to complain about the weather, b…

There is light at the end of this dark tunnel

For the first time in weeks I woke up feeling like life is good. I'm not dreading going to work. I'm looking forward to heading off to the gym in a few minutes. Even though the sky here in the Northwest is dark, there's a promise of "sun breaks" today (a popular Northwest phrase that  means it might rain, but we might get to see the sun too). I feel...well, happy. For the first time in what feels like forever.

We had a new guy start on Tuesday. I'm mentoring him. I'll admit that I was dreading this task. This was going to be the third person I've mentored in the last five months. It's a challenge to mentor someone, and one of my mentors didn't turn out well.

This guy is great. He's easy going, funny, laughs at my jokes and he's super smart (much smarter than myself, but that's not really saying much). It's only been two days, but so far, so good. I have high hopes this one will work out.

I've eased up on myself about the we…

I'm feeling fluffy / 189.0

Feeling fluffy for a human being is NOT a good thing.

I don't wear 189 pounds very gracefully. It's doesn't feel comfortable. I've passed the point where I'm a little overweight, now I'm into the obese category again.

My left knee hurts, I get out of breath easily and my blood pressure is up to hypertension levels (149/ 90--physical next month). I don't like this one little bit. I'm miserable.

I wrote a really bad post Wednesday night. I only left it up for about five hours. Only a few people read it before I got up at 5am and deleted it. As my 14-year old nephew said after he posted something awful on Facebook a few weeks ago (he sounded very angry and depressed)...he said "I'm sorry...that's not me. I didn't mean it." I'm saying the exact same thing.

It's strange how life slaps you up side the head one day, and you just think you're going to die from unhappiness. Sometimes that day turns into weeks. Then one day you …