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Showing posts from October, 2011

Can it really get any worse?

First, a huge thank you for all of your kind words and support. I read every comment and they fill my heart with gratitude. Each comment is very much appreciated and greatly lifts my spirits.

Friday was a horrific day. We moved my sister to the assisted living home for hospice care. Even though I had explained to her several times that she was moving so her daughter (the insane one) would come visit her, at the last minute my sister decided she didn't want to go. It was beyond horrible. The crying and moaning tore my heart into pieces.

After she was moved by ambulance she became non-communicative.She didn't want anything to do with any of us. She fell asleep or pretended to fall asleep. My crazy niece came by for five minutes and then left.

Crazy niece didn't even visit yesterday. I was there all day and had a great visit with my sister for several hours. My other niece who is now seriously depressed only stayed a few hours. She was diagnosed as clinically depressed for t…

Death becomes her

Today marks day 30 since my sister's stroke, and also day 30 of no food and very little water.

It's a strange thing, watching my sister die. Each day, a little more of her slips away. She's a little less aware, a little thinner, and laughing a little less.

Yesterday was a wretched, horrible day. She can no longer get out of bed because it's too painful. Her paralyzed side, with all it's intact and working nerve endings, tortures her with pain if we try to move her even half an inch. Her doctor, who makes house calls, said it's not worth it to move her and have her in so much pain. The morphine sublingual drops don't even help with that intense pain. She doesn't want to move and since the time is short, she remains in one position, on her back, where she is the most comfortable.

I spent several hours alone with her yesterday, as she sat in bed, staring out the picture window, looking at the river and the snow. I did everything I could to make her smile. …

I'm mis-er-a-ble

I'm back in Fairbanks at my sister's house. I came back on October 7 to help care for my sister, along with my youngest niece (46) and her husband (a living angel). We're my sister's caregivers, along with CNAs that come a few hours a week, and an R.N. that comes once a week. Now we also have an ANP making a weekly house call (Advanced Nurse Practitioner).

Today is day 26 of my sister refusing all food and drinking very little water (less than 8 ounces a day). I honestly don't know how she's staying alive. She was 160 pounds when this started and now she's very thin.

There was (and still is) some serious family drama going on involving my oldest niece (she's 49). She has the medical power of attorney for my sister as well as executor of her estate. She has pretty much lost her mind.

I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. She hasn't even seen my sister since October 1 (other  than one 40-minute ambulance ride). She lives about ten miles from my siste…

Dear God, please let me have a break

Thank you for all your kind comments on my last post. Each and every one of them touched my heart. Especially as I read them while sitting by my sister's side as she slept. They meant a lot to me.

I'm home. It was the most intense and emotional twelve days of my entire life. I've never cried so hard nor felt so much emotional pain. Even losing my mother six years ago wasn't this difficult.


My beautiful, vibrant and very active sister had what was originally a mild stroke two weeks ago and then later classified as a catastrophic event. She's completely paralyzed on the right side, unable to walk, read, write or speak anything other than mutterings that no one can understand. Yet she is still completely cognizant of everything that's happening, can answer yes/no questions and has use of her right side.

She's given up and is refusing all food. I had a lot of good visits with her before I left on Sunday, but I knew it was most likely the last time I'd see…