Showing posts from January, 2012

The worst weighin ever

Okay, maybe it's not my worst weighin ever. When I weighed 240 pounds I practically cried every time I stepped on the scales (and I weighed 240 pounds for over a year).

Maybe it's because I'm out of tears that have been shed over other things, or maybe it's because I know this is temporary, and I can and will lose the weight, but I'm not terribly upset with myself. It's more like, oh well, shit happens. I gained ten pounds in twelve days.

So here it is, available for public viewing, my weighin this morning, at home, buck naked, before breakfast or coffee:

I knew it was going to be bad. In fact, I shut my eyes before I looked down at the scale and tried to guess my weight. You're not going to believe this but I guessed exactly correct. I guessed 188.0 and that's exactly the number I saw on the scale. Weird.

The last time I stepped on the scales was January 12, that's only twelve days ago when I weighed 178.2. Normally I weigh every day, yet I …

Having a very bad day

I've been on an emotional downward spiral all day today. After a 15-minute phone conversation with my craziest niece this morning about her mother (my sister) while on my way to work, I came into my office shaking, my heart pounding and very close to bursting into tears. It was a horrible conversation with a crazy person, and not a good way to start my day.

I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on. Even as I write this ten hours after the conversation, I can feel the pain like a knife in my chest.

I won't rehash all the evil things she said to me, but I have retained a local attorney to help me stop her from ever contacting me again. It's a sad situation and a path I didn't want to go down, but my mental health is too important to me to keep living with this kind of insanity.

I really want my old life back. I didn't know how good I had it, when life was simple and my biggest concerns were exercising and losing weight. I'm trying to make the best…

Let there be light!

After 54 hours without electricity, we spotted the Puget Sound Energy trucks at the end of our street around 6 p.m. yesterday. It was cold, dark and wet out but there they were, restoring electricity to our street. I seriously love those guys. They were working around the clock, 24/7, restoring power to over 300,000 homes in the area. It was a cold and rough 54 hours without power, but we made it.

Funny story, about three hours before the power came back on, my husband hooked up our generator. We plugged in the refrigerator, the coffee pot and we had TV. While my husband was at the store to buy more gas for the generator, the power came on. I knew as soon as he hooked up the generator, we'd get power. He should have done it three days ago!

Thank goodness for our gas fireplace which kept the family room warm and toasty, and our gas hot water heater so we could still take showers. I even washed my hair and then sat by the fireplace trying to dry it. You don't realize how much yo…

Lbs. the movie

I've been reading Pamela's blog, Uncovering Pamela, for almost four years, when I first started blogging in February 2008. She was the first person to post a comment on my blog and she was always there to support me. Pamela doesn't post much these days. She's discovered a life outside of the blog world, and has a busy social life these days. I miss her, but I'm happy for her.

Pamela wrote several posts about a movie that she loved, Lbs. She even went to the premiere in New York and met the director, writers and the star of the movie. She raved about it and I couldn't wait to see it.

Last night Pamela posted that her beloved movie, Lbs., was available on to rent. I'd never rented a movie from Amazon. I didn't even know that was something I could do. I have a Roku box (actually, we have three in our house), so I was thrilled to find out I could download a movie from Amazon to my Roku. It was only $3.99 for a 3-day rental. I didn't even bot…

Your favorite green vegetable

Part of my lunch today, plain old green beans with Pam butter flavored spray and a dash of sea salt.

I haven't eaten green beans for years. I've never really liked them much. I've always thought they were boring and tasteless. These aren't bad, in fact, I'll probably eat them again.

I eat too many Brussels sprouts. Seriously, I eat them several times a week. I've had an ongoing love affair with Brussels sprouts for years. My favorite is fresh Brussels sprouts, roasted with olive oil and sea salt. I could eat these every day (heck, I have eaten them almost every day for months!).

I've decided to branch out and only eat Brussels sprouts a couple times a week (this will be hard), and start eating a greater variety of fresh, green vegetables. I know this would be healthier.

Do you have a favorite green vegetable? How do you prepare it?

Snow in Seattle!

The view out my home office window (on break at lunch, working from home), Federal Way, WA - 22 miles south of Seattle:

This isn't a view I see very often at my house. I love it. It's gorgeous! It's a very gray day so it's doesn't look as spectacular as it could. However, when the sun comes out the snow will melt. It's suppose to stay below freezing all day today, but warm up tomorrow and then all the snow will melt.

I made up with my niece this morning, the one that's been calling me a bitch and a liar. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

I sent her an email and told her I wanted to get along and not fight anymore. I didn't want to have to deal with lawyers and restraining orders. I didn't want to have to go to court again. I just wanted to work with her.

A few hours later after I knew my niece had read my email, I called her. After she burst into tears and asked why I hated her so much, we talked (well, she talked) for half an …


If you've been watching the weather channel you've probably already heard about our snowstorm here in the Pacific Northwest. They're not kidding! It's really bad. I live on the south end of Seattle (Federal Way), and we got a six inch snow dump early this morning. It's amazing, and I kind of love it. I wish it would stay for more than a few hours. Since it's 31 degrees I'm pretty sure it'll be gone by noon.

Like an idiot I got dressed and headed out to the gym. I scraped off the six inches of fluffy, dry snow from my car, the most snow I've ever seen fall here at one time. I really wanted to make a snow angel in the front yard, but I had to get to the gym (or so I thought).

I should have had a clue that it wasn't a good idea to drive anywhere when I got stuck in the street in front of my house where there's the tiniest incline. On my way to the gym, about a two-mile drive, I saw two cars in the ditch being pulled out by tow trucks. Then a se…

Is it Friday yet?!

I'm exhausted. My visits with my sister drain me. I saw her Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. It shouldn't hit me so hard, and I don't know why I don't handle it better. The truth is that there is a lot of brain damage from the stroke. She's very much like a little child, maybe five years old. She's fussy, bossy, and throws temper tantrums if she doesn't get her way.

She doesn't remember people's names that she's know for years. When I tell her someone called and asked me to give her their love, she often just shrugs her shoulder, and puts her hand out like she doesn't know what or who the heck I'm talking about. I'll asked, "don't you remember -----?" and she'll shake her head no.

Yet when she holds my hand, squeezes it and looks at me with a smile, I know it's all worth it. All the hassle with her children (one in particular who is now calling me a liar and bitch to the rest of the family), the court system, lawy…

And I thought I didn't do that bad yesterday...ROFL!

It was a 70-Point day yesterday. Wow! What's so crazy about it is that I thought I was doing okay by not going totally overboard.

I eyed all the Valentine's Day candy last night at the grocery store, but walked by it without picking up a single package. I thought I was doing a halfway decent compromise with the somewhat healthy California extra-thin crust pizza and the caramel popcorn as my big splurge. I'm pretty sure if I had calculated out the Points first I would have chosen something different. I have all the Weight Watcher apps on my phone so there's no excuse other than I was very tired and hungry. Lesson learned.

Dinner was an entire package of the Caramel popcorn and 3/4 of an entire frozen pizza (it was sort of small on very thin crust but it was 21 Points). Breakfast and lunch were healthy. Oh, and let's not forget the two glasses of sweet red wine. I normally don't have alcohol, but it was just that kind of day. Crazy niece threats, police involvem…

I want my life back

I keep telling myself things will get better, that I will be able to enjoy my old life again. I never thought my life was that great, but after all the BS I've gone through recently I realized I had a pretty decent life. It's funny how you never appreciate what you had until it's taken away from you.

I spent yesterday morning talking to the local sheriff's department and the Fairbanks police department. I was trying to find out what I could do to protect my sister from my crazy niece until I get a court ordered restraining order against my niece (which hopefully I can get this week).

Everyone was very kind and helpful. They told me to write up a brief synopsis of my niece's issues, along with her physical description and a picture of her, a copy of my guardian papers and strict instructions to call 911 if they see my niece on the premises. Then give the synopsis to the police. I felt like I was putting together a "wanted poster" on her. It made me sad tha…

Stress and belly fat

I’ve noticed I have a lot of belly fat, which we all know is the worst kind of fat. It’s better to carry it on your hips and thighs, and not the belly.
Even  as my weight goes down, my waistband seems tighter. The thighs of my pants are looser, but my waist and abdomen are bigger. The video from a couple days ago showed me just how bad it looks. Not only is is visually unappealing, but I know it’s killing me from the inside out. 
I have a sick feeling the growth of my abdomen has a lot to do with the incredible stress I’ve been under since September 21, 2011, when my sister had her stroke. We’ve all heard how stress produces a hormone called cortisol that causes belly fat.
I’m 56 years old and have never dealt with a mess like what I’ve gone through with my sister. I didn’t know my family was so totally screwed up, including my own brother.  If I hear him say “Poor Linda, you should be nicer to her” one more time, I think I will just freaking lose it. Linda is the crazy niece that co…

OMG! When did I get so fat!!!

You've probably had this happen to you. You're kind of going along in life, lots of things pulling you in different directions, and you're not really focused on diet and exercise. You're trying to make the best possible choices, sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. You think you're eating right and you're squeezing in the exercise when you can.

Then it happens. You see a picture of yourself. You can't believe your eyes. That can't be YOU!

Actually, my moment of realization that I'm fat was even worse. It was a video taken by my husband last night. It was suppose to be a video of my sister but since my husband was handling the camera there's several minutes of me wheeling around in my sister's wheelchair at her new home (really kind of fun too). But when I saw the video, all I could see was a very fat Diana:

I "thought" I was doing okay. I was weighing every day and was even down a few pounds recently, weighing 178 yesterda…

The continuing saga

So much has happened in the last twelve days I almost don't know where to start.

My Fairbanks trip on New Year's Eve was a disaster. Remember how my sister wouldn't stop crying that evening? It continued into the next day when my husband and I visited in the afternoon. Nothing but tears and squeezing my hand until I thought she was going to break it.

I asked if she was okay. No. I asked her if someone had hurt her, yes and more tears. I looked at my husband and I felt my heart stop. My worst nightmare was for someone to hurt my defenseless sister and she could never tell us who hurt her.

This was Friday, December 30. I called APS (Adult Protection Services) in Fairbanks and told them they needed to do an immediate investigation with my sister. They did and concluded my sister had been hurt, arm and ankle twisted, by my crazy niece, and threatened. There was a restraining order put in place (at least that's what the owner of the home told me) to prevent my niece's …