Friday, January 13, 2012

OMG! When did I get so fat!!!

You've probably had this happen to you. You're kind of going along in life, lots of things pulling you in different directions, and you're not really focused on diet and exercise. You're trying to make the best possible choices, sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. You think you're eating right and you're squeezing in the exercise when you can.

Then it happens. You see a picture of yourself. You can't believe your eyes. That can't be YOU!

Actually, my moment of realization that I'm fat was even worse. It was a video taken by my husband last night. It was suppose to be a video of my sister but since my husband was handling the camera there's several minutes of me wheeling around in my sister's wheelchair at her new home (really kind of fun too). But when I saw the video, all I could see was a very fat Diana:

I "thought" I was doing okay. I was weighing every day and was even down a few pounds recently, weighing 178 yesterday morning. I knew I wasn't skinny, but what the hell is that thing around my waist. It looks like I have an inflated inner tube under my shirt around my middle.

How did I not see this when I looked in the mirror? Maybe because I don't look in the mirror when I'm sitting down. Maybe I should look in the mirror when I'm sitting down. Honestly, I had no idea I looked this bad. If I didn't know better I'd say I was well over 200 pounds. I wonder if my scale is broken.

Okay, so I'm upset about how bad I look. I guess what really bothers me is that I didn't think I looked that bad. Boy, what an eye opener. Videos get me every time. They do not lie.

Now I'm really serious about losing this weight. It's ridiculous I've waited this long and goofed off. I should have been at goal years ago. Plus, with all that fat around my middle I'm a strong candidate for a heart attack, or heaven foribd, a stroke!

My tools of choice to lose weight, Weight Watchers of course, and my Polar heart rate monitor, as well as my BodyMedia. I'm going to track Points, starting today.

Pictures of my sister's new home
Lastly, a few pictures of Arbor Rose, were my sister is living now. I love it. It's an adult family home with only six residents. Those are the flowers my niece Camille sent her. Camille is the sweet one.


big_mummy said...

honey i cannot see your video but i feel your pain and i am almost 100lbs heavier than you!! your sister looks so happy, you did the right thing. i miss you

Roxie said...

Diana, honey, cut yourself a break. You've been dealing with unimaginable stress with your family of origin. You've got your sister in a safe place, she's in the best possible position that she can be in. You've done her proud. Now, breathe a little bit and you can start to take care of yourself. Hugs, Roxie

jinxxxygirl said...

I ditto what Roxie said. :) It so important that you don't beat yourself up over this. Perhaps now you can breathe and concentrate a little on yourself. Don't try to pick up where you feel you left off. That may be difficult to do. Back up a couple of steps and take baby steps forward. Set yourself up for success, not failure. I sometimes have trouble with that, with setting myself ridiculous goals. So repeating that little mantra helps me..Hugs! deb

Beth said...

Totally know what you mean! In fact tomorrow I have a post scheduled that bemoans how I thought I looked pretty decent in the mirror, but then a series of pictures made me think I look atrocious! I hope with having brought your sister to town, you can start to feel some calm.

Diandra said...

That will come off eventually as well. Don't worry. (And, as usual, I highly recommend body lotion with wild rose oil in it to help the skin recover and shrink. Worked like a charm for me. (I am not getting paid to write this.))