Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The worst weighin ever

Okay, maybe it's not my worst weighin ever. When I weighed 240 pounds I practically cried every time I stepped on the scales (and I weighed 240 pounds for over a year).

Maybe it's because I'm out of tears that have been shed over other things, or maybe it's because I know this is temporary, and I can and will lose the weight, but I'm not terribly upset with myself. It's more like, oh well, shit happens. I gained ten pounds in twelve days.

So here it is, available for public viewing, my weighin this morning, at home, buck naked, before breakfast or coffee:

188.0

I knew it was going to be bad. In fact, I shut my eyes before I looked down at the scale and tried to guess my weight. You're not going to believe this but I guessed exactly correct. I guessed 188.0 and that's exactly the number I saw on the scale. Weird.

The last time I stepped on the scales was January 12, that's only twelve days ago when I weighed 178.2. Normally I weigh every day, yet I stopped for 12 days. During that twelve days I was dealing with my sister's sudden move to Seattle and my totally insane niece, fallout from other family members because I basically kidnapped my sister and moved her, and of course, the snowstorm, ice storm and the power outage. All great excuses for eating like a fool (at least that's what I told myself).

Not only have I been eating poorly and eating too much, but I also cut back on my gym workouts drastically. I didn't even go this morning, claiming I was just too tired and too beaten down. That's exactly when I should go, but I just couldn't do it this morning.

No worries though, I have plans to get back on track. I'm not beating myself up too bad because I have lots of other people that do a great job of beating me up mentally (okay, really only one person but she has many personalities).

Tomorrow I meet with an attorney to file court papers to stop my niece's crazy antics. Even though I'm dreading the whole legal maze I'll have to go through to stop my niece, I have a sense of relief that I made the decision to follow through on what I've been talking about for months.

Thank you for all your supportive comments on my sad day post yesterday. It really helped. I agree that I need to seek help from a professional. I know this, but right now I'm swamped with all the financial, medical and now legal facets of my sister's life, not to mention my real life job.

Until I get things straightened out for my sister, I have to put myself on the back burner, but just temporarily. I know someone I can see that can  help me. She's a therapist I met years ago in Toastmasters and she's awesome. We've kept in touch and as soon as things calm down a bit I'm calling her for an appointment. I think she can help me sort out this craziness. Thank you again. I love you guys. You make me feel somewhat normal (and not the wicked witch of Washington).



13 comments:

Kyle Gershman said...

Sometimes its good to know where you are so you know where you are going. I applaud your strength to step back on that scale and spend some of your strength on yourself.

Lisa said...

It will get better, everything will. Hang in there sweet lady.

Jane Cartelli said...

When someone is struggling and regaining weight I try very hard not to enable with messages of "It's okay, the sun will come out tomorrow and the weight will come off" because that kind of support always led me to comfort myself more with food and gain more weight.
HOWEVER, you have been going through so much. You have literally taken on the responsibilites and burdens of another life and a half! You must find the help you need to maintain a healthy sanity in your world. Lawyers, lifecoach,counselor, sane family members - whoever can help you get this all under control. I applaud you for not having a worse weigh in.

In my past, under similar (and not) burdens, I crashed and did not stop gaining weight for years.
I applaud your efforts to find help thatdoes not come from a can, bottle, package or box.

RNegade said...

just want you to know i'm thinking of you--sending warm and caring vibes through the cybersphere. girl, you are so much more than a number on a scale, you're kind and smart and loving and beautiful! everything will come together in time, these things can't be rushed...they're part of the human condition, the circle of life, challenging and scary and big. love yourself as you would love a favorite sister, you are worth it!
(((hugs)))

Diandra said...

This, too, shall come off.

You definitely need an emergency plan with other things than food to take care of crappy days... your favorite cup of tea and a good book, or a shopping spree, or painting the walls of your garage... whatever makes you happy and doesn't contain calories. (I've got reading and the cats and my own novel to work on. Pretty great things, I wouldn't want to get chocolate stains on any of those.)

bbubblyb said...

You know we are all here for you if you need us. You will get through this and hopefully in short time. Glad you are going to go back to therapy I know for myself it always helps, I call it my tune-ups and just like a car we all can use one every now and then :) Love ya Diana, big big hugs my friend.

Anonymous said...

I'm new to your blog and just wanted to send some encouragement!

You are a wonderful sister.

Maren said...

I sincerely agree with Jane's comment!

Melisa said...

You are smart, strong, and have a plan. You will succeed! And things will settle down...just take one day at a time!

Carrieheff said...

Good for you for realizing that this is (hopefully) temporary and things will get better. Instead of beating yourself up, you just know that things will turn around and get better. That is so much better than hating yourself for things that are really out of your control. Yes, I know some are excuses, but you are going through so much. Something's gotta give or you will snap. There is only so much you can do. Praying for you and your family.

MizFit said...

how are you feeling now?


xo xo

Honib1 said...

boy have you been through so much.. hope things start calming down for you and wishing you much luck

Katie J ♥ said...

Just checking in on you Diana. Hope you are doing okay and wanted you to know I was thinking about you.