Thursday, March 8, 2012

Getting back on track is harder than I remember

My weight this morning was 192.6. It's continues to be a struggle to eat healthy, but I haven't purchased any junk food for over a week. I'm good if the food isn't in the house, and the way to keep it out of the house is don't buy it in the first place. I might overeat fruit or have a bigger piece of chicken than I know I should have (if I'm not weighing it you can bet I'm eating too much), but that's not as horrible as trying to eat an entire cake in one sitting.

Somehow, and I'm not sure how it started, I'd be at the store buying healthy food and decide I needed a "little" treat. I deserved it. Life was hard, I wanted, no...I NEEDED a treat. The treat went from one candy bar to an entire cake, then to a shopping cart full of junk food. Wow. How did that happen? I honestly don't know, I let my guard down a few times and boom! I'm back to old eating habits of four years ago.

I feel more in control. I'm eating better and I feel a lot better. Eating crap made me feel like crap. I'm back at the gym, although not every day. I was really consistent for a good 3 1/2 years, going almost every single day to the gym. Then my sister's stroke happen, I became her guardian and my life changed. Now I'm only averaging three times a week. It's not enough. I need to do more. I don't want to do more, but I'm working on it.

Today was an intense day. It started off with a three-hour meeting at work, which turned into four hours (9am-1pm). It was a meeting where I had to really paying attention and participate the entire time. Exhausting and mentally draining.

Then I left work to take my sister to the dentist. This was her first dentist appointment since before her stroke (a two-hour appointment). She has gorgeous teeth, and has always taken really good care of them. I curled her hair, put a little makeup on her and she looked gorgeous.

I almost got myself a $450 parking ticket at the dentist's office. Actually, I did get the ticket, but the "parking official" canceled it after hearing my sob story.

I did the terrible thing of parking in the handicapped spot at the dentist's office to get my sister out of the car and into her wheelchair (I don't have a permit yet). I have never, in my entire life parked in a handicap spot for even half a second. Once my husband pulled into a handicap space at the store to drop me off (many years ago). I was horrified and made him move before I'd get out of the car.

Anyway, it's a small dental office with about ten parking spaces in front and one handicapped parking spot. It was the only spot available when I pulled into the parking lot. I got my sister out of the car, into her wheelchair, then into the dentist's office, and into the dental chair. This isn't exactly an easy feat. The receptionist told me to leave my car parked where it was, even though I told her I didn't have a handicap permit. She said it was fine and they let people park there all the time if they can't walk far.

I went back out to my car to get a book, and the "parking official" as he called himself, had just issued me a ticket for $450 on his little handheld device. As I walked up to my car, I said "you're not giving me a ticket, are you?".  He said yes because I didn't have a handicapped permit. I told him my sister was in a wheelchair and I'd just taken her inside for her appointment. He told me it didn't matter if my sister couldn't walk, but without a handicapped permit, I was breaking the law. I couldn't park there for one second. Then he tried to hand me the ticket. I cried even more (and these were real tears because it just broke me). I tried to explain to him that he had no idea what my sister and I had gone through in the last six months. I was shaking because I was so upset.. He said it didn't matter and he was just doing his job. I cried some more. Finally, I said okay, but I'll go to court on this and take my sister with me in her wheelchair to show the judge she can't walk. Finally, with the ticket still in his hand, he said okay, okay, I won't give you a ticket. But get the permit and don't do this again. I promised him I wouldn't ever do this again. Whew!

The changes in my sister since I moved here down here to Washington are nothing short of amazing. In spite of going through hell these last six months since her stroke, and being 73 years old, I think she's absolutely beautiful. Since I talk about her all the time, I thought I should post a picture of her here. This is from today, right before we left for the dentist (I can do the wheelchair transfers with her all by myself!).

My sister, Joyce

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